Am I wrong here?

[MissChief001]

Name changed for this. I’ve been struggling with anxiety/panic attacks, I’ve largely managed this however still struggling with claustrophobia - cannot travel in trains that go through tunnels/flights etc. Adding to that is my periods…since turning 40 two years back I’ve really struggled with Menstrual migraine, and the fluctuations in hormones make my anxiety worse.

We are not from UK so flying is a must to visit family. Covid pushed this into the back of our minds but now it’s front and centre of our discussions. My marriage is not great in that we don’t have any emotional connection- my husband has always been like this( eg: saying things like I don’t have time to pat you in your back, etc) and over the years I’ve learnt to function on my own.

thus whole anxiety/claustrophobia is not helping the scenario. I don’t think we can work together and see it as a battle I have to fight in my own. Although it is the marriage which largely contributed to this. I’ve told my husband that we should go apart as it might get worse as time goes. Am I wrong to say this?

I think you need to do what’s best for your mental health. Have you spoken to a therapist about it all?
Sometimes people who haven’t experienced poor mental health find it hard to sympathise and support others. My dh was regularly like this and would tell me to just stop worrying as if that would help. What actually helped was taking him with me to a therapy appointment. This allowed him to be part of it all and listen to a therapist to learn ways to actually support me.

If you feel like you need some time apart and that he is not helping you then take the time. Encourage him to go and visit family whilst you stay and look after yourself.

@Hiddenvoice thank you. I don’t think taking him to see a therapist appointment would help. He is the kind who wants results overnight- I’ve had questions like, why can’t you take a tranquilliser to numb you? Or you went running yesterday so you should be able to step into a lift today. He f do meant want to travel alone and blames me for not able to do it…he was there with me when I had a meltdown in an airport but he just blocks it all out

I’m sorry he doesn’t understand. Speak to him and say he either needs to learn ways to support you or you both need to have a break and think about what you need in life.
My dh was often like this, he would say, ‘you’ve taken a tablet so are you not better now?’. He needed to learn how to empathise and learn ways to actually support me. He realised that as much as he needed to be strong, there was a time and place for being strong and then a time and place for just sitting with me and listening. He didn’t need to provide answers to everything but instead listen to me try to work things out.
I know you say taking him to an appointment won’t help but you could give it a go. He may benefit from attending in his on and sharing his own frustrations with someone.

Hi @MissChief001 i am familiar with panic attacks as my Mum used to suffer from them. I can also relate to the anxiety with travelling as i had this when i was pregnant.
I can also relate to how your husband behaves, i have this issue too.
I would say try and work on your fears, baby steps, it will give you freedom and confidence xx