How to tell my employer I'm depressed

[SpringFlowers87]

I need to tell my manager that I'm depressed and need to withdraw from the professional exams my employer is putting me through. I've hit a wall and just can't do it any more. I've had clinical depression before and I know I'm going down that path again, if I continue I will end up in a very deep dark hole that I will struggle to climb out of. I ended up being signed off for 6 months last time.

Any tips? I have no idea what words to say to her. I'm not sure how empathetic she will be...

I’m sorry you’re not feeling well.

Does your work have an EAP you can access? Or work Occ Health? They would likely help you plan how to do this and support you as you do.

If you feel your employer would be unsympathetic to an informal update on this, would a more formal approach including a letter from your doctor (which I expect you would pay for) help do you think? Depression is a medical condition and from the information you’ve given it is likely you are covered by discrimination legislation in your circumstances.

Ideally you would include a focus on impact for your employer in your update. Do you need this qualification to do your job or is it a nice to have? Were you employed on the basis you committed to getting this qualification? How much has your employer invested in support you to get your qualification? Are you asking for a break in study or to no longer work to get this qualification? Is it just the qualification that is the issue or is this role not the right one for you? Can you cope with role with reasonable adaption - eg not taking qualification? Or would not having the qualification mean that you would not be considered able to do the job long term?

Does this impact your job, is getting the qualifications a part of it?
Ask for a one to one meeting. Just say what you wrote. Or :
"I need to tell you that I cannot continue with the exams at the moment. It is impacting my mental health. I have had depression before and I know that if I continue to push myself it will get worse and I don't want to be unable to work for months."
And tell her what help you are getting with your depression.
If she is empathetic or not, doesn't matter, it's her job to deal with it. She should advise you on how to get help, any EAP that is available. And perhaps an occ health meeting

Thanks both. The qualification is not strictly necessary for me to do my role. It is part of my development plan and there are alternatives aside from exams/coursework. What I'm worried about is that they will ask me to pay the fees back that they have paid.

I've been sat in tears all morning trying to work out what to do for the best. I keep calming down and thinking just to get a grip and get on with it and get it done, but when I look at the materials and think about working 7 days a week for the next 6 months I just break down, I just feel like I don't have any more to give right now. But then I feel guilty to being so lazy and useless, loads of people study a postgrad qualification while working 50 hour weeks, so why can't I?

I haven't seen the GP as I really really don't want to go back on ADs, they made me feel awful before. I am going to ring our employee assistance line tomorrow morning.

You are definitely not being lazy. It's a sign of strength to know your limits and to know when it's too much.
I doubt they can make you pay the money back unless you have signed an agreement and that's in the small print.

I would still go and see you GP. Support is not limited to AD. Have you ever received any treatment like EMDR? You wouldn’t need to see you GP go access that on NHS as it’s self referral, although they would let your doctor know.
How big is your company and how much have your employer spent so far?

It’s a large company and makes a big deal about supporting its employees. It’s cost about £5k and I signed paperwork when I started saying I’d be required to pay this back if I withdraw unless there are extenuating circumstances.

if I’m being honest right now it’s £5k or my mental health (plus probably my relationship) so it’s just not worth it

Have the paid the full 5K? They may not have yet. Even if they have for a large company where it’s a sunken cost, I would be asking them why ill health that is likely covered by disability legislation wouldn’t be considered extenuating circumstances and I suspect they likely would. I knew it’s hard when you feel near the bottom of a depression pit but I would advise doing your best to maintain good relationships at work. That’s all you can do. You can’t control their response, only influence with honest and honourable behaviour yourself and responding appropriately to their response. Try an envisage what your best possible outcome from this point forward would be and aim for that.

Not necessarily recommending this method bug I got a sick note and just sent the screenshot on text, no message.
She phoned me straight away and then it was already broached

I probably should have sent a message but I tried and nothing seemed right.

Can you not defer the course rather than just quit?

I would be tempted to email first saying you have clinical depression and completing your qualification at this time will exacerbate your ill health, then offer to discuss. Once you have shared the info by email it might be easier to speak to her about it afterwards? Good luck.

Can you defer the course or extend the time you take to complete it so that you can reduce the rate you need to work at?

Am illness counts as extenuating circumstances. I think you need to reach out as soon as possible and be open with how you are struggling.
Wishing you the best.