I think i’ve made a mistake and I think it’s triggered a crisis

[Glwysen]

I had to make a call and a decision. I was happy it was right at the time but now I am questioning everymove I made and I think there is at least one thing i got wrong.

i’ve talked about it to others who were concerned and who are independent and they have reassured me, told me there was nothing i could do and basically told me to move on.

but i just can’t. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t do the basic things i need to. I can only sit and dwell and think about what might happen next and all the bad things that could happen and make it worse and worse. I’m now getting suicidal thoughts as it is the only way out i can see. I’m not suicidal (yet) i have kids and i am still aware enough that I can’t do that and it isn’t the answer

but i’ve been here before and it got worse and worse, that wasn’t caused by anything though. I am a mature professional woman I don’t know why i can’t get a grip!

Talk yourself through all the worst consequences and what will actually be or go wrong in each case. Talk yourself through the solutions or how it actually won't matter all that much.

Then leave it.

If it helps, write it out as you're doing it. No long paragraphs necessary. Just each fear underlined, and its possible solutions (or not actually being such a big deal in reality) in bullet points underneath.

Refer back to your list if necessary.

In the meantime drink broths and eat whatever you can. Practise self-care in whatever little ways you can.

Thank you for responding

i have done that but I can’t do the last bit, I can’t leave it!

i am perfectly happy to own my mistakes and take the consequences. I’ve also made worse mistakes than this.

i just can’t seem to leave it

all the bad things that could happen

Have you done the same exercise with all the good things that could happen?

The reality is that most probably nothing will happen and life will continue as it always does. And if something bad happens, you will cope with it, as you've always done with anything life has thrown in your way in the past.

I will write it down

Have you been to the doctors? Recognise it for what it is: a crisis. It will pass and you will let it go. Right now you need to enlist all the help you can xx

I think i am trying to work out whether i feel bad because i made a mistake or if the way i am feeling is all out of proportion.

i have been in crisis before, i had to go to the GP 3 times before they referred me for CBD - the therapist had me with the crisis team after less than 5 minutes.

CBT even!

We all make mistakes, all the time and that's OK - it's how we learn. So yes, your reaction is out of proportion. Without knowing what the 'thing' is it's difficult to advise but if crisis is a regular part of your life then it would be worth figuring out what it was in your childhood started this all off.

I can guarantee that what you're feeling is waaaaaaaay out of proportion.

Is there anyone you know who is supremely laid back or confident?? Can you try to picture how they would react to this?

a lot of people would say that i am laid back and confident and would probably try to model what i would do!

i have been through what i would advise someone else in my position. I would reassure them that what they think was a mistake probably wasn’t or at least does not change the outcome. I have explained in full to the person who is technically in charge and they are fine with the decision.

but I can’t get over the feeling that i am a dreadful and stupid person who has behaved arrogantly and ignorantly. I haven’t eaten or slept properly since wednesday which is making everything worse

thank you to everyone responding by the way, I appreciate you taking the time for some random person on the internet!

Hi OP, your compulsively obsessing and stuck in a loop. Have a look at the Holistic therapist she is on facebook and twitter. She has some really interesting posts about this kind of stuff

Let's see if you can have a little something nourishing to eat/drink. Have you got anything like stock gel pots that you can make a broth with?

I am like this.

often it helps to view out through the eyes of a third party.

if it was a colleague or friend in your situation what would you think?

Would you think they’re dreadful and arrogant, or would you feel empathy and think oh crap they made an unfortunate mistake, I hope it turns out ok for them?

At the point of making the decision you were happy with it. Information that you thought of later or which came to light later may make things different - BUT you didn't have that information to factor in at the time. You did the best you could. Would an arrogant or ignorant person have gone to the trouble you did to come to a decision? Would an arrogant or ignorant person be this worried about it now? I am sorry to say OP, you are not a monster. You are a very ordinary human. And incidentally, who is actually benefitting from your angst, how is it making amends, who is it helping? It isn't is it. Figure out if you are most worried about making a mistake (not being perfect) or being seen making a mistake (shamed and negatively viewed by others). Powerful evolutionary drives make us worry this way and your thinking loops are keeping you stuck. Give yourself a set one hour a day to worry about this deliberately, and the rest of the day do something productive. Look back at your CBT notes.

Thanks Parisj that was helpful. I think on introspection the concern is being seen to have made a mistake- so shamed / shunned- as well as the consequences, which i am catastrophising as they are consequences of wider decisions.

i have eaten some eggs Tangled, thank you for the prompt

Hi op, I do this too and it's called real event OCD. sometimes it's helpful to have a name for what you're going through and realise it's a separate thing from you

Medication was the only real cure for me. it's not really a cure as I still have blips and end up in a thought loop but it's not as often or as long

Good luck xx

You're not alone. I suffer anxiety and I'm prone to catastrophism which is what you're doing. I'm also prone to massive self criticism to the point of "the world would be better off without me".

This isn't your fault. It's due to the way your brain has learnt through your experiences and trauma's to try to keep you safe. Be aware that your brain is doing this for your best interests, but it isn't always right and it needs guidance from "you". If you look at the thoughts with rationality and a sense of detachment (as though you were looking at someone else's thoughts... Which in a way you are), then the brain will realise that this "mistake" wasn't the life threatening thing your reactions so far have suggested to it and it will start to stop the alarm bells and the over analysis of the situation.

I have found that mindfulness (daily for 45 minutes) has been an massive help in getting my brain to calm the f* down and be less reactive. When my brain does "go off on one" it allows me to realise it's happened and to take steps to calm it such as having a nap or a meal or doing some breathing exercises.

Tldr: this is your over alert brain looking out for you. Guide it and reassure it and get on with the rest of your life until it realises that this issue isn't the panicky nightmare it's worried it might be.

Take care of yourself... you are only human. We all make huge mistakes. Please enlist some help from people nearby x