Breastfeeding is making me feel so shit

[peelbananas]

Hello

Please stick with me on this.

I've posted on here about not being able to lose weight whilst breastfeeding, but I've had a name change since.

I have tried to improve my diet, going for healthier options like having eggs and avocado for breakfast instead of cereal, but I still feel hungry all the time. Before I had kids, a banana and a coffee would keep me going from 7 through till 11am.

I have tried exercising more, like going on longer walks with the pram (40 mins per day, up steep hills), YouTube workouts and I've joined a mum & baby exercise class that I didn't even get to go to this week, because my baby fell asleep just before I was going to leave and I was worried she'd wake up in the car.

I had my first therapy session this morning to find out that I scored very severe for both anxiety and depression. My therapist tried suggesting ways to better my low mood: one of them being going out the house for some exercise.

One thing that prevents me from going out is how I look. I don't fit into any of my nice clothes. I have three co-ords that I alternate between. I can't wear dresses because I'm breastfeeding and they don't have buttons or a zip. I don't have time to put makeup on unless I put the TV on for my 2 year old, but then I feel guilty about giving her screen time.

I feel like if I stopped breastfeeding, I'd feel so much better. I'd probably drop the weight, start to fit into my old clothes, go out more, have ME time away from both the kids, get an opportunity to go to the gym and so on.

DD2 just doesn't take a bottle. She's 5 months and I've tried everything. Freshly expressed milk, so many teats, she just spits the bottle out.

My husband fed her 5 ml of formula from a syringe the other day which ended up all down her babygrow.

When will this end?

Just wanted to check - do you feel a specific dysphoric feeling when your milk lets down? If so check out D-MER d-mer.org/

I didn't know about it but discovering it with my second child made so much sense (and made me feel loads better).

it sounds like your problems are more to do with practicalities rather than this (which only lasts as long as minutes into the bf feed), but thought I'd post it anyway.

Anyway PLEASE don't fixate on your weight at such a crazy time. Eat as healthily as you can and get out of the house when you can but don't get hung up on your appearance or not doing everything perfectly. Your kids need to you to be their mum not a model.

The first year post-baby is nuts in my experience - everything is up and down and you need to be kind to yourself. In a few months she'll be eating more solids so you can feed less. My first never took a bottle either.

In many ways it became really convenient to BF but like with everything there are up and downsides. Having more 'me' time is what every parent wants! Hang in there

Oh god I have been there OP and it is so hard. Whatever you decide to do it's your body, your choice.

One thing that sticks out though is that you are being very hard on yourself about your size. Your baby is 5 months old, you were literally growing a human being in your body less than half a year ago, please go easy on yourself.

If you can afford it, then buying yourself a few new clothes may help you no end. I found my body shape did change after my second so even when I had slimmed down, some of my old clothes didn't suit my new figure. There are some lovely nursing clothes that look quite discreet. It's been a while since I last fed a baby but I got some good bits from jojo and seraphine (mostly in thier sales).

Is there a mum run breastfeeding group near you? Talking through these kind of problems with other Mums who've actually been there helps. I found the NCT and children's centre breastfeeding groups to not be as helpful but they may be worth a try.

If you do decide to stop, please try and do it gradually if you can. Stopping cold turkey can potentially make anxiety and depression worse.

Thank you both.

Yeah I think I'm definitely going to look into buying some new clothes.

I bought another co-ord set from vinted and the trousers are so short but I can't even return them. I was so excited to wear it butttt yeah. So I can't even leave the house today because I have nothing to wear. My other clothes I feel comfortable in are in the wash.

My kids are driving me bonkers, the house is an absolute state and I'm running on 3 hours sleep. DH has not been very supportive this morning making me feel worse than I already do.

I just want to run away. Leave this life and not look back.

My daughter wouldn't take a bottle but was ok with expressed milk in a doidy/open beaker or sippy cup at 6 months. Have you tried feeding with these?

@nutmegx I thought of that but haven't tried as she's only just turned 5 months.

Can babies use those cups if they aren't sitting up yet?