Feel so alone

[3kids1cat]

Feeling incredibly low, fed up of all the crap in my life, and nothing good ever happening. I'm at home alone with the kids all week while my partner works away, and I'm just not coping. All I seem to do is cry,and I feel like I've got no-one who cares whether I'm here or not.
My partner just thinks I'm miserable and I can hear him groan every time I ring him and I'm upset. My Mum has enough stress in her life, I ring her almost every night lately in tears, but she just says to be strong and have a cup of tea. I'm so lonely, I just want someone to hold me and tell me things will be fine, but instead its just me. Don't know how to stop feeling like this.

sorry to hear you are feeling low. is it a general malaise? or is there something in particular that is crap? rice is mood enhancing so is iceberg lettuce, obviously not an instant cure, but include lots in your diet for the long term. If there is a sports centre in your area go to a class called body combat - i guarantee you will laugh your head off!!

Thats why MN is so great - we never get fed up hearing about your day!

Hi, the kids are 7, 4 and 7 months. They are all lovely, I just wish I could be the mum they deserve. I can't find time to do anything with them any more, I'm always stressed or upset. I would love to get out of the house and do something but I have no time by myself, I'm always with my baby girl.

It's almost impossible to consider alife with 3 young children if you are not actually living it, so don't feel that people don't understand you...they prob don't! Doesn't mean they shouldn't be supportive tho. do you think you may have PND?

I don't know, I've felt like this for a while now, and had times during my pregnancy when I felt like I was not in control of myself at all. My mum thinks I need to snap out of it, like I'm feeling sorry for myself. I hate feeling like this, but just can't shake it no matter how hard I try to feel happy. I'm worried my partner will end up leaving me if I carry on being like this, and the thought of that makes me feel even worse.

Hello 3kids1cat. I know exactly how you feel and thought you might like to know that you're not the only one feeling like that. I have children of v similar ages (youngest has just turned 1), partner rarely there. Being a mother can be a very lonely and stressful 'job'. We often hold things together publicly depite inwardly feeling: lonely, useless, a failure, stressed, frustrated (take your pick). When you're at the school gate, it looks as if every other mum has her group of frineds, that life's a breeze etc etc but many of us are good at masking the insecurity/boredom/whatever which we're feeling. I'm lucky in that I do get a break from my little one and that makes an enormous difference. Do you have family nearby? A sports centre with a creche? Or a friend with similar aged children whom you could ask to take your little one for a couple of hours and then for you to return the favour? I know it's easy to convince yourself either that nobody would be prepared to do that or that you couldn't possibly be so cheeky, but what's the worst that could happen? She could say no and that isn't the end of the world. Are you close to a further education college? If they run courses for NNEB, the girls are often looking for work experience and perhaps could offer you some free help? Call the college and find out. Even having some help with tea and bath time can make a massive difference. Also, don't think that you have to battle on on your own. Make an appointment to see your health visitor or doctor. The health visitor may have some suggestions for 'the family' and it sounds to me as if a trip to the doc might be a very positive step for you.
It's very easy for mums to do themselves down and think that because everything is not perfect and rosy that they are doing a poor job - give yourself a break! Looking after 3 children is utterly exhausting (next hot tip - go to bed as early as you can, even it means flopping into bed at 9pm! The cumulative effect of extreme tiredness shouldn't be underestimated). I hope that this is ome comfort to you....

I'm guessing that your DH and mum want to help but don't know how so they end up dismissing you and your feelings. You could try writing down 10 things that would really help you cope - practical things I'd suggest. An hour in the bath with a mag for example? So then you could show it to them and they'll feel like they can actually make a difference for you and maybe things might improve just a tiny bit. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Hi Bougainvillea, I don't have any friends but my Mum and 2 sisters don't live far away. Thing is they all work full time, and my sisters have their own children who are older than mine so don't really like to ask them unless it was an emergency. I also don't like them to know I'm struggling because they are so together, they have jobs, lovely homes and lives, I don't want them to look at me like a loser. I wouldn't want to go to the doctors and say I was feeling down because I'm not sure what they would be able to do for me. I don't want to start taking medication, when really all I feel I need is someone who loves and cares about me.

Me again. You could be me talking...
Firstly, your sisters children are older and on the whole, it does become easier as they get older (the issues are different). Asking is probably the hardest part. I have 2 sisters and I know that I couldn't bear the thought of 1 of them struggling alone just because they thought I was too busy/together/sorted to help. Ask them. Nobody looks at their sister and thinks they're a loser because life is tough and bringing up children is a major challenge. I have confided in 1 and although she can't help in any obviously practical way, just talking to her and telling her that I'm finding it difficult to cope makes me feel calmer and less stressed. As for the doctor, there are lots of possibilities. They see women like us all the time and as mums tend to be the linhpin of the family, it's essential that they are functioning well and happily. The GP may suggest any number of things including counselling and meds. You are sharing your thoughts and anxieties here on an anonymous page without the immediacy of a one to one with someone. You obviously need to talk and you could say to your GP that that is your preferred option. A counsellor might be able to help you in a practical way that we simply can't here. However, don't dismiss meds out of hand. I've been on them twice in the past and they have been a real life saver. When you're really low and desperately need to get back on an even keel in order just to get on with living, they really can work for some people. Many, many people take anti sepressants and if you do have depression, that's fine. It's an illness. Nobody makes comments if you have laryngitis, migraines, IBS etc and the same goes for depression, anxiety and stress. Please pick up the phone tomorrow and make that appointment...again, what's the worst that can happen? Your GP isn't going to force you to do anything but will give you the chance to talk to a professional about the really rough time ou are having.

Thanks so much, talking does help, and I will make that appointment. I guess anything that can stop me feeling like this can't be bad.I'd love to wake up without this constant feeling of dispair, I know there is a happy, calm person inside me, I just need help finding her. Thanks for listening (well reading)it's stopped me feeling so bad.

if you don't want to take medication try all the other things that help depression.

Take a walk outside every day with the baby for half an hour or more.

Try to eat 3 healthy meals a day and no junk food - sugar and white flour make depression worse and give up drink.

Try to get lots of sleep.

What about a part time job of some kind for the company or even just offering to babysit locally.

Tonight is the first time I've posted and although I am under orders to go to bed early, I was so concerned, I just couldn't. All the things that Xenia suggests are great and very do-able (although the problem when you're low is that lots f things becom un-do-able and you need a little extra help back to the even keel stage of your life. Is there a toddler group near you? If you've done them and enjoyed them in the past, it's an easy route to fnding similar people who can share some of the mumsy bits of your life. Part of the problem that you'r eexepriencing is isolation and bottling everything up. You don't have to tell anyone your deepest darkest secrets but sharing a cup of coffee and anecdotes about your lovely children is a really positive thing to do.
My other thought is that we often aim too high, trying to get so much 'achieved' when the reality is that this is well nigh impossible esp if you are with your baby all the time. Aim low,is one of my mottos! You'll feel much better if you don't try to tick off too many achievements and can just say'oh, well, I only wanted to Make an appointment with my GP/Call my friend/tidy the toy cupboard and I've managed that'.
Bed calls. Good luck.

Feel stupid posting on here when I've just been reading some of the other posts and hearing the turmoil others are going through, but I need to do something as I'm finding it hard to get a grip this morning. I shouldn't be like this so soon into the day. Wanted to take Bougainvillea's advice and phone the doctors, and I know I should but I keep talking myself out of it. What is wrong with me that I can't make a phone call any more. I also need to go and buy dd some formula but the thought of going to the shops is filling me with this horrible feeling. Just want to stay at home, feel so tired too. Just phoned dp hoping that He could say something that would help but I'm sure he just thinks I'm a weirdo. Wish he could be me for a minute and feel this feeling that seems to be suffocating me.

suffering is not relative so don't compare yourself to others. you need help and really your dp should be providing a big chunk of that help not calling you a weirdo. can i ask how often he is home?

He gets back Friday night, leaves Monday morning, but has so much work on that even when he's here he's sat with his laptop and I can't really ask for help. I've tried telling him how low I feel but I think he thinks I'm having a go at him, which I'm not, I love him so much, just wish I felt like he understood and supported me. I just feel so alone right now.

He does know how bad I am, just not how it feels. I have self harmed in the past at very low points, and I think that scared him, but otherwise he just tries to ignore it. I think he's unsure of how to deal with me when I'm at this point, but I have tried to tell him in the past what would help.
There are a lot of practical things that I've asked him to do that he hasn't, he just doesn't seem interested in me any more, but I can't blame him, I look a mess, the house is a tip and all I do is cry and complain about how things are. I just want to snap out of it and get my life back but I can't see any way of doing it. Like I say I'm struggling to do the most basic day to day things.

I want to, I really do, and I'd love to think that I can go to the doctors and explain how I feel and they'll say, right ok this is what you need to do to get better. I just can't imagine it would be like that. I'd go there, tell them how I feel, have them judge me and then either be told there's nothing wrong or given tablets that I know I'd be too scared to take because I'd worry too much about the side effects.

I sound really irritating now, and like I don't want the help that's on offer. My dp says I won't ever let anything be good, and maybe that's true, which is strange because that's all I want, nothing special, just a normal happy life.

Sounds like you may have PND to me, 3kids. It is very common and generally worsens with each child.
Stop giving yourself a hard time and accept that everyone feels like this sometimes!
I guess the only thing that can change in this situation is your attitude to things iyswim.
Use the time when the baby's sleeping in the day to write down how you feel.
Give yourself a break about the housework and just try to wash up once a day and a put some washing on.
Whenever I feel that self critical voice in my head I go to bed-as others have said, sleep is of vital importance at this stage.
Also, give yourself a treat a couple of times a week.