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Mental health

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Feeling so crap

4 replies

Animallover990 · 06/02/2023 08:43

Don’t know why I’m posting in mumsnet as im
mot a mum. I’m 30, single and never had a partner. All the imaginable worries are in my head about never having my own family. I’ve also got pcos. I’ve got W job that’s very much made me put the rest of my life on hold, but I wouldn’t change that. I’m getting so sick of the pressures around me to be like everyone else and settle down with kids. Both younger sisters are on that path with the youngest telling my other sister she’s started trying for a baby and her bf is going to propose in a few months. When I try raise it to my mum and how hard it is (also work on a baby ward with parents all
younget then me) she acts as though I’m aspiring to become like my younger sisters, and “my time will come”. It makes me even more pissed because that’s not what I’m getting at , it’s the way the pressures of it all makes me
feel. I’m very strong willed and the last person to get into something just because everyone else is doing it. But then on the other hand there’s the worry of needing to freeze my eggs in case I wake up one day and missed it all completely. I see babies and feel nothing. But I want A family of my own. Love life dead as a doorknob and only ever thing that came close to a relationship was an abusive drug user. All my ex situationship are now in solid relationships. Makes me feel like I’m there for a good time not w long time. I was struggling on my 29th birthday a hell of a lot with all these thoughts, then had my sister start talking about how she wanted a child. It just compounded all my negative thoughts and I went home and self harmed that day. Both sisters have settled for partners who are essentially abusive, but just to say they’re in relationships. It’s starting to feel like I’m the only one in the world holding out for something decent here, and other than am content in my own company. But it’s these thoughts and feelings constantly causing me conflict. Took a mental health day from work today as I’m not coping much.

OP posts:
lovemypuppa · 06/02/2023 18:25

I'm almost twice your age and if it's any comfort the sisters you have are likely to end up alone because of their partner choices-you, on the other hand are giving yourself a chance of a lifetime of happiness by waiting until the right person comes along.

PritiPatelsMaker · 06/02/2023 21:11

Two things that stand out are that you are trapped in a way of thinking negatively and that it's so bad you are self harming.

I think you need urgent help @Animallover990.

Even if you were to meet someone tomorrow who is to be the love of your life, you are not mentally well enough to add the stress of a baby into your life just yet.

Please speak to Mind tonight about your self harm and speak to your GP tomorrow Flowers

Choconut · 06/02/2023 21:28

Self harm is not a healthy way to deal with anger/upset/stress but I'm sure you know that. You really need to do some work on your mental health before you even consider having a baby as they are often extremely stressful.

'I see babies and feel nothing. But I want a family of my own.' This seems strange to me, feeling nothing seems more worrying than saying you feel very upset for example - are you sure it's not just love you are desperately craving and you are looking to a baby to provide that for you? That would not be a good situation IMO, you need to do a lot of work on loving yourself I think, that also ties in with the self harm as someone who loves and values themselves would not self harm.

I think you need to get some counselling if you can. I wonder what your childhood was like - did you feel loved and valued? My guess would be no, you probably always felt compared to and/or inferior to your sisters but you cover it up by appearing strong and all that is at the root of your problems. Get help OP and don't end up like your sisters through desperation.

Geogaddi · 07/02/2023 11:02

You sound amazing OP. It's sounds like you're torn between what people expect of you and what you really really want in life. You might not quite be where you want to be now but you're not willing to compromise. This makes you very strong minded.

Try to put those envious feelings aside for the moment and think about you and what makes you happy. You are still young, 30 is nothing.

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