Lost

[fuckaroo]

Definition of a fuckaroo: someone who feels like they are on top of the world but everything piles up and then they fuck it up.

My backstory: I'm f with dh & dh. Parents divorced both with partners. One parent is an alcoholic & severe health problems. Other parent takes everything with a pinch of salt.

My problem: men. Attention seeking behaviours which in the past has somewhat led me to sleep with them. I have not slept with anyone whilst been with dh. I gain attention by noise. Whether it be laughing, shouting coughing. It doesn't matter if I can't see the man either. My dh thinks I play up to the neighbours (who happen to be all male) they make noise and then I apparently make a noise back.

What do I do?
How can I stop?
How do I gain self control?

My relationship is failing majorly due to this. I say I'm not going to do it but then fail at the first supposed hurdle.

Help!

@fuckaroo I would find a good therapist if you can afford it and explore how to overcome this. It's great that you have recognised it

But I only recognised this because of dh..... and people from my past saying this too...
Deffo cannot afford a therapist!

Regardless of how you recognised it you've listened and accepted which is a good step forward. If you can't pay for therapy, find out what your GP offers - you can get a therapist through NHS. Also there's loads of information on internet, books, podcasts etc - start to educate yourself in how to love yourself more and not seek external recognition

External validation probably more accurate than recognition

But if I am deemed I have poor mental health what about my dc? I don't need as involved

As? Do you mean social care? Are you in the UK? There's lots of people with mental health y

Sorry posted too soon. There's lots of people with mental health problems - they're not going to get social care involved. However by improving your self esteem you will be helping your DC

Yes in uk. I fear social services will get involved if I self refer to nhs therapist

They won't.

Have you heard of this? I have a friend with this disorder.

I work in social care and people seeking help for mental health problems is not a reason for social care to get involved. Social care get involved if there are signs of abuse or neglect and then only with a view to improve circumstances. Please do not let it stop you from seeking all the help and support you need. You deserve it. You deserve to have a fulfilling life.

Have a read of the book Complex PTSD by Pete Walker - it's really helpful.

You are starting on this journey of self discovery and you need to be self compassionate. I have been there too and it is definitely worth it

@9thFloorNightmare I googled this and it does appear I have those symptoms or whatever you want to call them. Thankyou. I have a bit of piece of mind to know I am not alone even though it's such a rare personality disorder and also isn't actually recognised in the uk which could be a problem for me with a professional diagnosis

Shame if it is not recognised in the UK, hope having some self awareness is helpful. There are many videos on youtube, it might be interesting to listen to. It helped me understand my friend better, I don’t think she is diagnosed but she presents all of the signs and knowing how to deal with her behaviour is a game changer.