I am in my mid 30s and have been on Citalopram pretty much non stop since I was 18 when I was finding myself with low self esteem and feeling generally low. I had a break of a couple of years from them about 10 years ago and then after a break up I found myself back on them. I was on 10mg for years which increased to 20mg and now since last summer, 30mg.
I was finding it hard to cope with some situations I've been in (moving home, being single and dating, wanting a family) which was the reason for the increase. And whilst I am no longer getting myself in hysterical crying states about things, I am now not feeling much at all. Its like i'm just floating through life, doing what I have to do. Work, sleep, look after my home, spend my days off not doing a lot and repeat. I want to be at home all the while sitting on my sofa and when I am out, I look forward to that, but when I am home, I feel bored and disconnected.
I also feel disconnected from my friends and wonder if they are really that bothered about me. And because of this, I don't look forward to going out with them as much as I used to, because of how I may come across/they may not enjoy my company anymore etc. I feel I am aware im boring.
I think the flatness isn't helped by the fact that I have been unlucky in my adult life and not living the life I had hoped to. (Married and with a family) Every relationship i've been in, and that hasn't been many, I have ended up being dumped and it was exhausting on my emotional well being and damaged my confidence.
I'd like to date again sometimes, but I don't think its the right time and I can't be bothered to put in the effort. I just don't feel like doing anything.