To feel like nothing is enough..

[SarahAshley2]

Not really sure where to start tbh. For as long as I can remember I’ve always struggled to be content. I always crave more… like nothing is enough. I look forward to things, I can’t wait for the weekend, every day mundane isn’t enough for me. I don’t really have any hobbies or a very interesting job. I have a 4 year old DD and a husband with lots of hobbies and interests. My parents are the say as me.. no hobbies, no interests, boring lives but they have no friends.. that’s where we differ. I have friends.

I have always struggled with anxiety and depression and lately it’s getting worse. It’s worse around my period, to the extreme in fact.. horrific moods, very low tolerance, crying a lot and this seems to be lasting longer each month.

I have had many CBT sessions and it seems I focus on one thing and feel better about that (I.e issues with parents who weren’t massively loving, are very depressing and negative) and I feel I get a hold of these issues but still have this underlying unhappiness.

I always think is this is? Is this life? What is the point in it?! Work, eat, sleep, work, eat sleep! I am trying to cut out alcohol as I realised I was relying on it to have a good time and then feel horrific mood wise afterwards. However I’m now feeling like I’m totally missing out as I loved the buzz of a drink and now things feel boring!

I don’t really know what I’m wanting someone to say but I wonder if anyone feels the same and can relate or give any tips?! I’ve been prescribed antidepressants in the past but have heart issues so it makes my symptoms worse and also my husband doesn’t think I need that but I always wonder how the f I’m going to sort myself out! We are arguing a lot as I am just so grumpy but can’t seem to shake it off. I’m starting a healthier diet and am on week four of a jogging course so I feel I’m doing the right things to a degree… any advice welcome!

I've felt like this most of my life and anti depressants etc have not helped but what got my interest is that I've been recently diagnosed with a heart condition whose symptoms have assumed to be anxiety and panic attacks and feeling of doom ? Is your heart condition being managed ?

Thanks for the reply. I have mitral valve prolapse which has caused scarring of my heart and lots of palps as well as tachycardia. I have a defibrillator implanted as I was getting dizzy spells. I take a betablocker for this which helps the palps but makes me tired and cold! What’s your condition?

I have Hypertrophic cardiomyophathy mixture of tablets atm and under Oxford Heart.

You mention that you don’t have any hobbies or interests. Jogging sounds great, and exercise is great for mood, so stick with it if you can get in to it properly. But a hobby - is there anything that you’ve thought you’d like to try? Reading, taxidermy, painting, sky-diving … anything at all?

You also mention your childhood was cold and unloving. It took a brilliant therapist for me to unpick that a lot of what I was searching for was something to replace parental love and I couldn't do that but I could break the cycle with my own child.

As far as heart problems go, the physical symptoms mimic anxiety so I find myself getting frustrated using CTB and it not working and need to accept that I'm going to have to ride out the feelings. CBT and therapy is offered for life limiting diseases but long waiting lists so I can't say it helps yet but might be another route to look at.