School Mums

[CheekyMonkey1989]

Does anyone really struggle?

I’ve tried so hard to fit in 😔 I think I’m getting somewhere with someone then I just get blanked. I come home from taking my DD5 to a birthday party and it was such a lonely experience. I went to the toilet at one point and had cried. A bit of background info I do struggle with anxiety but I have really tried to come out of my comfort zone but now I just feel like I’m the weird loner mum nobody wants to be seen with.

There can feel like a lot of pressure in the early years to make mum friends and to feel like you fit in.

As they get older it gets easier. By then you should know who their good friends are so you will know a few parents. You will naturally start to see familiar faces on the school run to say hello to and perhaps via outside activities like cubs etc.
Also beyond yr2 you don't generally have to stay at parties and make small talk with people you'll probably never see again.

You have my sympathies, I didn't like the ks1 parties either and am shy in new groups. Now ds is in year 5 I have a regular (but small) amount of hellos I make on the school run, but I also don't care anymore if I'm standing on my own in the playground.

Don't worry. It is an odd phenomenon to be a around lots of other mums' with their broods. I am sure there is an evolutionary/ biological/ animalistic reason why this particular group setting has so many anxiety inducing moments. I am convinced it is a natural position and by no means unusual.

I'm a school run mum, have been for 8yrs. Personally I try to avoid conversation with other parents, I'm just a reserved person and really struggle socially (little bit of neurodiversity) I see other mums talking in groups and from what I gather very few become actual friends.

Most of them just want someone to talk to while they stand and wait I wouldnt take it personally if they only speak o or twice wiIfth you.

Holy shit dunno what happened there with my post 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

🤔🤔🤔

The thing is, the one thing you definitely have in common is a child in the same class at school. Other than that, there's no guarantee or even likelihood that you would find some new good friends in that mix of people. My focus when I go to these things is my child, and then I treat the rest a bit like a work social with colleagues I haven't really interacted with much before. So I just make generic chit chat with other parents who also seem not to have a group that they know. I also don't mind sitting on my own either, I will just read on my phone or whatever. I don't dwell on it afterwards.

Now with my eldest in a Yr 6 class. I've had enough interactions with parents to make more specific small talk at events and know who is friendly and who is reserved or clique-y. It gets easier as the children get older, as you do play dates and more birthday parties.

I felt like that too. Part of the problem was I'd moved to a new city a few years before and was absolutely desperate to make friends! I saw the school mums as my main chance to make friends. Sometimes it seemed like we were really becoming friends and other times they just weren't bothered. I was crushed. They seemed to become much closer to each other, going away on camping trips etc.
My problem is I'm very shy until I get to know people. Seeing people for 5 minutes in the playground twice a day doesn't give me time to shine! I feel the mums are naturally attracted to the more gregarious, extroverted mums. Fair enough.
My advice is to remove all pressure on yourself to make friends and just focus on your kids. Be as smiley and friendly as you can and you might eventually make friends but don't even think about it. I eventually did make a couple of mum friends but it was after my daughter had been at the school about 3 years! It's nice now I have a couple of people to go out for a coffee with.

I found it depends on the county. The "rich" counties tended to have the bitchiest mums. The county we're in now everyone, literally every, is so chilled out and relatively nice.

Why have you posted this twice ?

I'm the same. My daughter is now in year 3 and I still don't have any close mom friends. Some of them had already formed cliques because they had older children that were in classes together. It used to make me a bit sad but I'm over it now. I also have a bit of social anxiety so I am happy for minimal interaction. I'm sorry they made you cry, you shouldn't feel that way at all. I call these type of cliquey mum wine o' clock mums