Does this sound like BPD?

[TimeforacuppaT]

The way I behave towards others is truly awful. I am over-sensitive and can take offence at the smallest comment. I’ll then either cut that person off completely (have done this many times to family) or completely ignore them when I am in their company. I have hardly any family or friends left. I’m rude, selfish and argumentative. I display black-and-white thinking (people are all good to me or all bad) and I struggle with my emotions. I just act impulsively to how I’m feeling. I can be hugging someone in day and not speaking to them the next day. I think my granny had a personality disorder so I’m sure I’ve inherited this. Either that or it’s from having an emotionally unavailable mother for most of my childhood.
It’s mainly the bad relationships and high emotional reactivity that lead me to BPD.

Any thoughts?

So what? What are you looking for from this question?

A label won't change your behaviour. A label won't help you learn more effective ways of handling intense emotions.

You describe trauma responses and learned behaviours which you are now aware are negatively impacting your life and preventing you from achieving your goals. You can change all of this.

Mastin Kipp has a lot to say on trauma responses, recommend looking up his Facebook first off.

I’m wanting to get diagnosed and seek professional help so that I can start to change myself. I’m just a bit embarrassed to go and speak to someone (I know there is a lot of stigma attached) so thought I’d see if anyone has any thoughts first about whether or not it is BPD. At least then I know I’m on the right track.

I shall have a look at Mastin Kipp. Thank you.

Are you me??
I waiver between this and adhd.

Why don’t you book yourself some therapy? They are more likely to be able to tell you than a bunch of strangers on the internet.
we only have what you tell us.
I feel like this might be about someone else rather than you though OP, and you are trying to get them an armchair diagnosis. That might be me being cynical though 😉

It’s for me unfortunately. I was hoping someone had some knowledge or maybe worked in this field.

No - you sound neurodiverse to me. xx

@urrrgh46 It’s either a PD or I just have a bad character.

You sound like you have good insight into your difficulties but find it hard to change how you respond. Like you say, there may be some genetics involved but also likely to be a response to your upbringing and having an emotionally unavailable mother. What was your father like? Do you have siblings? How are they?

It sounds like you are wanting to change and so it is worth speaking to your GP and seeing if you meet the criteria for a referral to mental health services.

Should have asked where about you are? If in England can you self-refer to IAPTs services?

Hi OP. It does sound like a condition of some sort. Dont be embarrassed its no different to a physical condition that needs diagnosis, management and or treatment. It can be so lonely and isolating wrestling with this on your own. You need support. Well done on recognising the problem and reaching out for advice. Be brave and go to your GP. Just tell your GP what you've said here or even just read this post out to them at the appointment. They will take it from there. Very best of luck. With some clinical input you should start feeling better about things and get coping strategies

Have a look at dbt it’s proven to help with bpd and has some excellent techniques to help make some behaviour changes.

Yes sweetheart this is classic Bpd. See a psychiatrist (not a therapist, they are not qualified to diagnose you) and once you have diagnoses you will likely be referred to a therapist for some therapy + prescription for some happy pills xxx

ignore the mean people on this post, not sure why everyone is being so cold towards you asking this question

Im sure you don't have a bad character. You wouldn't write the post you did if it was a character issue

Therapists can diagnose but often choose not to as it can be more helpful understanding more about why you interact with people in the way that you do so that you can work on finding solutions to this rather than rely on medication. But, I also get that having a label can be useful in some ways, and that some people find medication useful, but it doesnt usually address the issues.

My father was a good dad and I have a sibling with mental health problems. I’ll definitely go ahead and make an appointment to speak with someone. Thank you all for taking the time to comment. I needed that little push. :)

OP you may well ‘have’ BPD or ‘traits’ which don’t meet a diagnostic threshold (personally in my experience difficulties in this one specific area would be unlikely to meet the threshold).
There is a move in psychiatry now to provide people with a formulation or understanding of their problem rather than a label particularly for more stigmatising diagnoses and sadly BPD does still carry some stigma).
Also the specific treatment for BPD (dialect behaviour therapy) is really really hard to access on the NHS and tends to be ‘reserved’ for people who present with very high risk (serious self harm/ risk taking, safeguarding issues ).etc
My recommendation would be to seek some private therapy (most areas have low cost services if finances are an issue). You need a therapist who can offer a variety of interventions including distress tolerance and relational or transactional input. Good luck. X

Thank you so much. You have all been very kind and helpful. X

BPD is linked with trauma and particularly emotionally unavailable parents in childhood. But I think you should work on yourself really hard to deal with the issues you have raised because you sound like you have really good self awareness which may help you deal a lot with the issues you identified.

Some of the traits sound like BPD. A PP suggested you look up DBT, I echo this 100%- whether or not you fit the diagnostic criteria sufficiently to officially have BPD, if you struggle with your emotions and relationships, DBT will help.

A diagnosis of BPD is not necessarily going to help you- you may need to disclose it and face discrimination which is truly appalling but is the world we live in. If you have the means to access DBT, the gold standard treatment for BPD, just go straight for the treatment and please don’t feel you need an official diagnosis in order to get help or make changes- or feel validated.

i have had similar struggles and DBT honestly has changed my life.

Hello,
my daughter has quiet type BPD. There are 9 diagnostic criteria and folks need to be assessed (take a psych at least 3 hrs) and meet 5 of them. From my daughter who is recovering very well 😊using DBT therapy, these are some commonly occurring features:

• An intense fear of abandonment - can include partners, friends, family.
• chronic emptiness and a lack of self identity
• self injurious risky behaviours
• intense mood swing even within one day often triggered by social interaction.
• black & white thinking.
• low self esteem.

BPD has a strong genetic link of around 50% predisposition. Environmental factors like trauma are other contributors. Not everyone has been unloved or invalidated by their parents! My daughters friend was killed. This triggered her illness. It is recoverable and it is a spectrum illness. My daughter is a trainee doctor and works hard to manage her BPD. We have undertaken A lot of family therapy too, to support her recovery which she works hard at …every day. To get NHS support, yes you need a diagnosis. To get private DBT therapy, you don’t…you just need to recognise that you’re struggling with emotional disregulation and want help. Mind Reframed offer online therapy. Good luck and please have hope!

@Lotusmonster this is such a kind post. Your daughter is lucky to have such a caring parent and family

It does sound like BPD but you'd obviously need to be properly assessed. What I will say (having a relative with BPD), the fact you have the self awareness to recognise how your behaviour is unpleasant for those around you is a huge positive. So many people with BPD are so consumed with their own feelings and perspective that they don't have that self awareness and I think that's a huge blocker to them realising the true implications of their behaviour and seeking appropriate help. My understanding is, it's hard to treat but there are methods and treatments that can help you better manage and regulate your emotions and actions. You must of course be open to such help, which it sounds like you are. Best of luck!

thanks @Wishiwasatailor ..😊 It is a horrible mental illness with 10% risk of suicide completion. So if there were ever motivation to reach out for support or therapy that is it. I’m sorry I know that’s a really grim stat to hear. Family of BPD loved ones have to learn to deal with that. DBT therapy is approved by NICE and recovery with DBT is really promising. Tbh as a therapy it offers anyone valuable skills in managing any form of emotional disregulation in a healthy way. If OP is a relationship then partners or close loved ones undertaking therapy too will further increase the progress of recovery. BPD is a psycho social disorder with a genetic predisposition, brains of sufferers are different under scans. But DBT brings forever help in my opinion.

People with bpd are often neurodiverse.

@Lotusmonster i absolutely agree. I also show many traits of quiet bpd and also of inattentive adhd that has meant I had several periods of poor mental health. I did dbt and found it life changing