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Struggling with Depression/Anxiety

9 replies

bassguitargal · 22/01/2023 13:24

I'm struggling with anxiety and depression at the moment. I can function - work, housework etc but it's an effort. Yesterday I stayed in bed all day until I had to get up to get something to eat and clean the house.

I've tried to look at things logically and find solutions. I can see that my mental health problems stem from the menopause and having to sort things out for a parent. The sorting out seems endless and there is lots of worry.

I am struggling to keep up with my workload and have asked for extra hours but my manager is still looking to this and so there is anxiety there as well.

I find January a tough month. I am struggling to save any money for a holiday and have had to dip into my savings this month. I can't afford a takeaway or something to look forward to. I feel out of control with my money as it's so expensive to heat the house.

I was prescribed some medication for anxiety but it didn't agree with me. I find getting out and about a huge effort but it does help but I am exhausted on Saturdays and hate the cold.

I just wanted to vent. Anyone in the same situation or any advice would be appreciated. I don't have anyone to talk to.

OP posts:
NomadicSoul · 25/01/2023 11:58

Similar situation myself. Work that is stressful, significant money worries (and just written off my car) and not been on holiday for the last 4 years and won't be going on one this year as I can't afford it.

I suffer from anxiety which impacts my sleep which makes me feel like I'm depressed, but in my case, the underlying issue is anxiety. I've just spent too many years expecting the world to end that my brain is constantly on the look out for threats and tends to go OTT when it detects something / anything. The desire to stay in bed all day is very great, but I have to keep working so I can continue supporting my family, so I force myself to do what I have to do and I try not to worry about the rest.

You are doing well to be able to continue to feed yourself and even more so to clean the house, there are many who can't manage that, especially the latter. I am not going through the menopause so can't help on that side, but your hormones will be all over the place and your emotions too. Remind yourself that this will pass and try to help yourself as much as you can in the interim.

Try and sleep, but also ensure you get up at the same time each day and go to bed at the same time. Even if you get up in your duvet to read a book in another room or stare into space, get up. Try and exercise (yeah, like the last thing you ever want to do when you are feeling like this) as it helps. Watch your diet and your fluid intake. Take a multivitamin if your diet sucks and make sure you are drinking plenty as that can really mess up the body.

I hate the cold too, but it does help to go outside and feel the (cold) air on your face and you dont have to do it for long, just 20 minutes a day will make all the difference. Meds dont work for me either (made things worse), so I am looking at MBSR, CBT, DBT, diet, exercise, sleep and I'm getting help from the NHS (long waiting lists though). I have found that water (lack of) really affects me and it looks like I was low on magnesium as I dont really eat anything that provides it and my symptoms have improved since taking it. Meditation is also helping a lot (sorry for sound like a new age hippy), but it is not a quick fix and needs more work than I am putting into it.

As you say, January sucks. Cold, dark, miserable and we can't afford to put the heating on (I'm typing this with an electric throw on).

You're not alone. Lots of people are struggling at the moment. Keep doing what you can each day. Remind yourself that these things will pass and until then you just do the best you can.

I have no idea when I last ordered a takeaway. Probably over 15 years ago. Last time I went out for a meal was about 4 years ago. You just have to do what you have to do 🙂

bassguitargal · 25/01/2023 19:40

@NomadicSoul - Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. It's hard isn't it. As you said, things will come to pass. I will try and bear that in mind.

OP posts:
largeprintagathachristie · 25/01/2023 20:17

Solidarity. I’m struggling at the moment and the dip in my mental health is noticeable.

Signed off work (for a physical problem) but going back is now fraught for various reasons. But is also imminent.

feeling physically shaky and sick today. Tearful. Wanting to stay in bed. I’ve made three big efforts to ‘re-set” and get things done or at least function, and they’ve all gone wrong and I’ve ended up crying. Am menopausal. My partner is very obviously irritated.

all the best to you

dawnfrancais · 25/01/2023 22:34

@largeprintagathachristie - thank you. I hope once you get back into the work routine you will feel better.

I often have a wobble about work stress on Sundays but feel better by mid week.

Could you have a phased return to work?

dawnfrancais · 25/01/2023 22:35

Changed my username by the way

largeprintagathachristie · 26/01/2023 09:48

@dawnfrancais Yes, it's like a Sunday night return to work wobble but magnified by a billion. It's not the only thing that's worrying me, but has tipped the balance.

As @NomadicSoul mentioned (very useful post, thank you, have just re-read) my brain is looking out for threats and finding them and sounding the alarm klaxon! It's so strange how even though INTELLECTUALLY I know I'm not going to die from any of these, and will cope, even it's a bit or even a lot rubbish for a bit, it's so hard to intervene. I've got a racing heart, tingly hands etc. I can see why there's an instinct to curl up in bed.

Yesterday was a disaster from start to finish, so aiming for a re-set today. Deep breath.

NomadicSoul · 26/01/2023 10:35

largeprintagathachristie · 26/01/2023 09:48

@dawnfrancais Yes, it's like a Sunday night return to work wobble but magnified by a billion. It's not the only thing that's worrying me, but has tipped the balance.

As @NomadicSoul mentioned (very useful post, thank you, have just re-read) my brain is looking out for threats and finding them and sounding the alarm klaxon! It's so strange how even though INTELLECTUALLY I know I'm not going to die from any of these, and will cope, even it's a bit or even a lot rubbish for a bit, it's so hard to intervene. I've got a racing heart, tingly hands etc. I can see why there's an instinct to curl up in bed.

Yesterday was a disaster from start to finish, so aiming for a re-set today. Deep breath.

One thing that helps with the brain always looking out for problems (its an overactive amygdala that does this, its the brain's fire alarm) is mindfulness meditation. MRI scans of the brain have shown that following 8 weeks of mindfulness meditation, the size and level of activity of the amygdala have both reduced. Also they show that the size and level of activity of the prefrontal cortex (the "modern" decision making part of the brain that tries to control the "reptilian" amygdala) is increased. So, if you want to reduce the amount you're reacting to things, meditate. Only needs to be about 10 minutes a day but it has a huge impact. I'd not be here today without it.

largeprintagathachristie · 26/01/2023 11:03

thank you so much @NomadicSoul
I have the Calm app and various other meditation resources which I think I am always about to use, but of course don't get around to.

I'm making a list of things as I achieve them today. It looks pitifully small, so far: "got dressed", "fed the birds", "ate a piece of toast", but actually they are all quite huge wins. Will aim to also have 10 minutes of meditation also on today's list.

NomadicSoul · 26/01/2023 12:24

On the meditation front, one thing that stuck with me from a recent course was "meditate as though your life depends on it".

Its that important and we need to prioritise it.... which I've still not done, so I need to kick myself up the proverbial butt and get to it as well. But first...food. 😀

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