Social anxiety?

[m1s]

Anyone else have this?
I was always a pretty outgoing, social person in my teens/early twenties. I think (looking back) the problem may have started half way through my university studies (I was 24 at the time). Had 1 very close friend throughout university but was amongst a big group of others who neither of us particularly grew towards but just socially accepted them as 'friends at a distance'.
Graduated. Started work. My friend and I grew apart because lives just take over. I had my DS during covid. My job was a key worker and part of the policy at work was that I had to work from home throughout most of my pregnancy (this was early-ish days in Covid). Had my DS and lockdown was still a thing at that point. Maybe for a couple of months. So didn't go out a lot. Became germophobic so if there were any social events where I knew someone had been unwell recently, I just simply wouldn't go. The germophobe within me has settled down quite a bit now.
So fast forward to today (or last few weeks). I've started a new job that is mainly office based. Huge, steep learning curve in my career but thinking positively about it. Lots of others in the office so much more socialisation opportunities. But when I'm on my drive home or when I'm at home, I just can't shake these awful thoughts that I'm having. Replaying conversations in my head and telling myself I shouldn't have said that or should have said it a certain way because they're going to think I meant it negatively etc. Convincing myself that my colleagues are judging me as a negative person etc.
I'm finding that I'm extremely exhausted at the end of each day (although could be because my working hours and travel requirements have changed completely so just need more time to adjust) and becoming a bit agitated because my mind is focused on these negative thoughts and then home life 'interrupts them' (so to speak) and so because I am obsessing over these thoughts I just don't have much focus when I'm home. Which obviously upsets me.

Does this sound like social anxiety? There's probably more to it than what I've described above but that's my main problem at the moment. Just wanting to see if this sounds familiar to anyone else who has/had social anxiety?

Hey, firstly I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling. You’ve been through a lot - I don’t think that the impact of Covid & lockdowns can be overestimated, most especially so when you had a baby in the middle of it.

Is it social anxiety? Well, it certainly sounds like anxiety, which can come in many different forms. The reason why anxiety kicks in is usually when we don’t feel safe. So I would be looking at the reasons for you not feeling safe. You’re in an unfamiliar work environment, with unfamiliar people. When you were at uni, you had a “safe” person - your best friend. Now you don’t have that person - at least not at work. (What happened in your friendship? It feels sad that you’ve grown apart).

Do you have any evidence that your colleagues are judging you? And does it matter if they do? (I mean that kindly)

Try and look at your anxiety as a friend, as something that is trying to keep you safe, just as your germphobia was doing as we came out of lockdown.

I agree with @Rinders that anxiety is the emotion that's triggered to keep you away from unpleasant or dangerous situations however anxiety isn't always right!

If your son wouldn't go to bed because "there's a monster under the bed" you wouldn't go screaming into the night or call the police, no - you'd have a look, reassure him that there's nothing there and settle him to sleep. That's the adult behaviour whereas the terror is coming from the child (aka your own inner child).

You can do the same with your anxiety. You are not in any actual danger, you are in an unfamiliar and stressful (albeit positive) situation. That's OK, you've done it before and you've coped, that's how we learn and grow. If you could magically mute the critical voice in your head, how much external criticism would you actually receive? Very little, I think - 90% is internalised.

Have a look at this video on anxiety, I think it will help you;

@Rinders thank you for taking the time to respond to my post.
When I think about it, I have the same behaviours when I do anything with people outside of my own immediate family (e.g with in-laws) and find I do the same thing after encounters with others but not to the extent that I have been recently. So I'm not sure it's just work related tbh. I do feel 'unsafe' because I feel it is a critical time in this new job to obviously want to make a good impression and develop good working relationships with colleagues.

The friendship hasn't ended. We still text from time to time with a 'how are you - let's meet for coffee' but never materialises. We just both have busy lives (kids, work patterns are varied etc) and schedules always seem to clash.

I don't have any evidence that they are judging me, no. But everyone has some degree of judgement of others don't they? Whether ill-intended or not. My last workplace was a bit toxic. Very cliquey and I would hear a lot of people bitching about other people and then watch those very same people be so kind to their faces when they were in the same room. I just kept myself to myself there and we were always so physically busy that I didn't really have time to stop and talk to others really. But maybe this is where I've gained a kind of mistrust of others because I observed that behaviour for so long if that makes sense?

@Eyesopenwideawake thanks so much