hello everyone, i am 18 and i think i have bpd. I've been wondering this for almost 2 years. It all started a little before confinement, I started having anxiety attacks. It got worse after the confinement and the crises became very violent, it prevented me from leaving my house and I was very bad, I had lost a little weight and I was very stressed. After that it calmed down but I started having panic attacks in high school. In the summer of 2021, I thought my condition couldn't get that much worse, but I was wrong. I started having kind of mood swings, in one day I could feel sadness, joy, fear, stress. I felt the emotions in very strong ways and they changed very quickly. the sadness made me cry, I felt like it was the end of the world, my chest was tight as if I was being compressed. Then it lasted a few days, and then I felt him empty, as if detached from my body. either it was all, or nothing. I had trouble doing simple daily tasks and had dark thoughts.
a few months later was added extreme anger. I feel lost, I feel like I don´t know who I am or what I like. sometimes I probe "why am I here?" ".
Where i meet people I get attached very quickly but end up often disappointed because I have the impression that it is only me who invest myself in a relationship.
I am also very sensitive, my moods are based on those others, i absorb all their emotions. I need to isolate sometimes because its too much.
When someone does something I don't like I get angry very quickly but don't say anything, sometimes giving silent treatment. After I feel very guilty.
I love getting attention from others, but feel bad when they ignore me.
I just feel bored and numb all the time.
I am afraid to bring the topic up with a therapist because sometimes i say to myself “imagine you are faking it?” i know its stupid but it’s like that
im sorry for the long text