Embarrassed to seek ADHD diagnosis

[lunylovegood]

The title sums it up really.

My brother recently got diagnosed with ADHD, and when he's ran through his symptoms i found all of them as things I struggle with in daily life (constantly losing things, procrastination, forgetting what I've walked in a room for, time blindness, hyper-focusing on tasks, impulsivity) I think I noticed something was wrong when I became a mom, the early days of sitting around breastfeeding was agonising, I really struggled mentally to switch off. I've always had a pretty stressful job; so I think that's kept me busy and been why I maybe haven't noticed things until more recently.

I also experience intrusive thoughts. I often have to touch wood (up to 3000 times when it's bad) checking the door is locked (physically getting out of the car 2-3 times most days)

Reading back, I can see it's quite clear something isn't quite right, but I feel so incredibly foolish calling the doctors amidst an NHS crisis to seek a diagnosis or help for something I've managed all my life.

The thought of talking through the things with the doctors makes me feel like I'm making it all up or making it seem worse than it is. Paired with the fact that it seems most people believe ADHD is a trend makes me feel like I'll be wasting their time and they will be annoyed at me for even getting in touch.

Does anyone have any advice or can offer any way to help manage this without getting the doctors involved? I want to manage this as it definitely is affecting my day to day life now, but I just don't want to put pressure on an already crippled system.

hi there

im sorry i have no word of wisdom but can 100% get where you are coming as i’m pretty identical to you. i have been feeling recently more and more that i should go and have a diagnosis as i’m pretty sure the struggles i faced all my life is due to adhd.
my son who is very similar to is currently being assessed for adhd due to his impulsiveness which affects him both at school and at home.
the only difference is that i was always able to mask my feelings (certainly at school) and feel they have manifested in a general unhappiness which always lingered around.
The only question i keep asking myself is even i was diagnosed, how would that change things?
i hope you get the courage to seek help and i hope i do too one day

Can you afford to go privately? You’re probably more likely to get taken seriously if you’re paying for it yourself and also access treatment quicker.

If your GP makes you feel stupid or like you’re making it up / jumping on a trend then get a second opinion. Don’t worry about being embarrassed, there’s clearly something wrong.

Thank you so much for your reply!
It's such a hard one. My LB isn't at an age where anything like this would be apparent yet (18 months) but it's one of the reasons I'd like a diagnosis is so that if we do struggle further down the line a diagnosed parent may make things easier and potentially help spot any red flags earlier.
Have you spoken to anyone about your own struggles during the process of your sons diagnosis if you don't mind me asking?
The frustrating thing is my doctors are great and I imagine that it would be not the experience I am imagining, but the fear and the stigma surrounding everything is what puts me off.
Thanks again for your reply x

I wish I could but I think the process alone is in the region of £3000 from some research, and that's just not feasible with the cost of living increase and me recently having returned from maternity.
I actually have private healthcare through my job but it's not covered. I did think about asking my employer if there would be any assistance they could offer but it's doubtful.

Thank you for your reply x

Hi, is there a reason you want the diagnosis? would having it make a specific difference to you?

I have adhd but to be honest I could have easily just assumed I had it, read up about coping techniques and given myself a break for all the things I realised are due to the adhd. physically getting the diagnosis hasn't really done much.

I paid £600 for a diagnosis, so quite a lot less than your estimate.

Hi, thanks for your reply!
I'd be keen to try any medication, and I certainly need help with some coping techniques.
Plus I think if I got a diagnosis I may feel more validated with the things I struggle with, but currently I'm like "oh I must be over reacting everyone must struggle like this". But also, I know it can be hereditary, and if that helps my son in any way in the future that's of paramount importance to me. Not saying it would, but if he did show signs this could potentially help with getting an earlier diagnosis I assume.
Are you having any medications now you've been diagnosed if you don't mind me asking?

Oh wow, that's a lot more reasonable - do you mind me asking who that was with? Thanks for your reply!

Talk to your gp, your not wasting their time or making it up.

I am pretty sure I have ADHD too but don’t feel the need to seek diagnosis as I wouldn’t want to use medication. My 19 year old dd is seeking a diagnosis for herself, she already has a autism diagnosis and it was her that made me realise a have a lot of ADHD traits. She says I didn’t notice her traits because they are traits I have and I considered them normal.

no I found the medication took away all the most positive aspects of my adhd too and I wasn't prepared to lose that. I found having therepy in general and just being kinder to myself / accepting some of the difficulties are because of adhd and I'm not an idiot etc was enough to improve my life quite significantly. we are all different though and if you have more negatives than good then I'd understand the desire to medicate.

While you may have ADHD, it sounds like anxiety is what is most affecting your day to day life.

Other than meds (which is a personal choice), what benefit would there be to seeking an ADHD diagnosis? If your brother has ADHD and you have ADHD traits, I'm sure that you'll be sensitive to any potential ADHD traits which your son may or may not show in the future.

But it might be good to talk to a therapist about your anxiety. Negative self-talk can be a struggle for people with anxiety, so you might find that actually helps with validating yourself more than someone telling you that you do or don't have ADHD.

Thank you everyone for replies!

It's good to hear a lot of different perspectives. I think for me the main point of diagnosis will be seeking medication and any other support they offer to help me manage the day to day. I think a huge change in lifestyle is probably what's highlighted things for me, I've gone from a very stressful city job with a commute to a part time very low stress WFH job and being a mom, it's a lot more mundane which is what I've always wanted, but I'm struggling in ways I never thought I would, and I'm hoping there is support/medication that can help make things a little easier.

I think I just need to try and muster the courage to get a professional opinion.