What can I do to get my mum some proper counselling????

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

My mum is clearly heading into depression again. She has just rung me - very upset - crying telling me how stupid she is etc. etc. how she has no one to talk to about how she feels (true unfortunately). She got angry and frustrated when I said she should not be so worried about her situ as she had our support - she just wanted me to agree and sympathise i think.

I cannot give her the help she needs - i cannot be objective, I swing between anger and sympathy (with all sorts of fun emotions inbetween) for her depressive nature and her inability to cope with life.

She has come off prozac but it looks to me as if she still needs it.

I won't go into details of the issue precipitating her call suffice to say it relates to her finances (which ironically are in a better state than they have been for years).

The omnly time she has been offered any kind of therapy (other than pills) was years ago after a suicide attempt - how can I get counselling for her? I am a the end of my tether with this all.

Her GP could refer her for counselling.

You could have a look on this site

Also has she had any advice re her finances, she could try Citizens Advice Bureaux

Thank you for replying singsong

I have seen her today - she is calmer now and cheered herself up with a trip to the pictures...

I know that you can get counselling via gp but the waiting list appears to be long and dependant on your being in 'crisis' - while gps are eager to dole out the happy pills to her - more long term help seems scarce.

As far as practical help - I can deal with that better than CAB in most cases (we have hard some disappointing experiences as far as cab are concerned I am afraid) - she feels useless and the more I help her the worse she seems to feel. But I cannot leave her floundering so I am taking over her accounts and making sure she cannot access more money than she has (iykwim). I just grieves me that it has come to this.

BMSA - your situation sounds very much like mine a few years ago, although my mother was also drinking. You have my sympathy, it's very hard as you say to be objective.

I found a counsellor for her privately, by searching lots of websites (I'm afraid I can't remember where) and finding someone who had graduated in the early 60s, and so I knew wouldn't be a young whippersnapper who my mother couldn't relate to.

How easy that is to do depends on where you live, outside the big cities there isn't a huge amount of choice. But - and this might be v applicable given your mother's finances - many will do reduced rates according to means. The one I found did so for my mother.

One thing I found - and your situation may be very different, I don't know - was that my mother got better when I stopped helping her so much. My bustling about made her feel more inadequate. I know you need to sort her finances - I have done the same for mine - but I foudn that just letting her talk, rather than suggesting things, did help a bit.

The good news is that my mother did improve a lot; counselling helped, and then she got a job in a charity book shop, which gives her a reason to get out of bed, and she's drinking a lot less as a result. So it can get better - although I didn't feel as though it ever would sometimes.

hth

could you ask the GP to refer your mum to the local community mental health team? it won't be counselling as such but a community psychiatric nurse or mental health social worker might visit her at home and be someone to talk to, and that could be a way to access appropriate therapies?

PS I don't really know what counselling is for, how it differs from other forms of psychotherapy, but if your mum has a history of suicide attempts and is becoming unwell again then perhaps medication is the first step? she could try something else if the side effects of prozac were intolerable

to benefit from talking therapies people usually have to be reasonably well, well enough to articulate their feelings and to concentrate and if her depression is quite severe she might not be able to make use of a counsellor just yet

are Depression Alliance still around? they might have some ideas for you

Thank you Vacua and Vonsudefed.

I know what you mean about my taking over making mum more helpless but tbh - me not taking an interest sooner (I went off to uni when Dad died and she was left to her own devices for many years and also raisiig my younger sibs) - meant she was left getting into debt, not getting the help she was entitled too and made several suicide attempts. It is only relatively recently that I have been actively dealing with her financial situ and finding accommodation, form filling etc. because if I don't do it she simply will not. Bank statements bills etc. are never opened.

The problem is that no matter how much I can do to give her practical help I cannot give her life purpose and meaning - only she can - she needs to have a life - and how do you make someone get a life (god forbid - a job?)??.

I don't know what help will be available in her new area she is moving to a more rural location. The biggest hurdle will be finding someone she can relate too and afford on her microscopic income - and we cannot help much financially at the moment.

I was wondering if an organisation like Mind? could help I will also google Depression Alliance thank you Vacua.

I wonder, if with her history and difficulty with taking basic care of such important things, if this is not a primary care/counselling situation but one that needs specialist support - psychiatric?

I am not sure Vacua as it is my Mum's normal behaviour and as such I compensate for her as I always have done (iykwim) - it is very difficult for me to objectively judge the level of help my mum needs. She is very capable in many ways - I am never concerned to leave my children in her care - she would be an excellent child minder/ Nanny. But in some (quite major) areas she seems unable to progress - and so I am left feeling like her Mother/ Carer.

I have trying to make her happy for so long and have failed.

perhaps the most you, or anyone, can do is to point her towards possible sources of help and offer your support to help her help herself - like being willing to take her to appointments if possible, or just to listen if she wants to talk

but ultimately you're not responsible for her happiness, everyone is responsible for their own well-being regardless of how much help they might need to achieve it

I'm sorry, it must be very difficult for you