Finding a therapist - how? And what are your experiences?

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I've posted before, probably a while ago, about how I hate myself for lots of different reasons.

I'm just coming out of a situation that in itself is just a bit of heartbreak. But I think its actually part of a much bigger picture. I've had these feelings for a long time and I think its time to finally address them - why I am the way I am. I actually wonder if I'm neurodiverse.

It's not going to be easy, noone would ever guess that I feel this way, and they certainly wouldn't imagine me in the situation I've gotten myself into. Admitting how I'm feeling to family.... I've never wanted to because they will worry and once they know, I worry that that is all they'll see. Anyway, I'm rambling.

How do I pick a therapist? Do I just go onto the BACP site and literally pick one? A bit like OLD?

And, if I may ask, those of you who have seen a therapist - how did it help? What were your experiences?

Thanks.

Apologies if there areca million yhreads like this. I admit I did not look.

Basically looked for local ones in my area. You know on the first session if they’re right for you. Therapy changed my life.

'Therapy changed my life'

Same. Hardest thing I've ever done, but also the best thing I've ever done for myself. I was dealing with the fallout of emotional abuse and a violent relationship, and having professional support with navigating those dark, scary waters was invaluable.

I went on the BACP website and found a local psychotherapist. You can also see what areas they specialise in (like trauma, bereavement, addiction etc). Good luck - it's a huge investment in yourself and your own life

D'you know what? You hit the nail on the head there. It's exactly like online dating.

I found counselling directory better for being able to filter. So filter for your area firstly and for specialism. If you have a gender preference, select that too. Although I started off wanting a woman and ended up with a man so if you've no strong feelings either way, keep an open mind.

Scan photos. Every time you see a pic that appeals to you, right click and open in new tab. Aim for 10 potential therapists.

Next click through the tabs and close the ones that you can't get to, can't afford or sound like pretentious wankers. If that's all of them, go back to the list and pick 10 more to click through.

What's left is your shortlist. Read their statements in more detail, check their qualifications and experience but don't get too hung up on it. My counsellor was the least qualified of my shortlist and still in uni. He's the best choice I could have made and has helped me so much.

Try and whittle it down to 3 at most. Call them up, speak to each of them and arrange a first session/introduction. A lot do the first session free or cheaper as a chance to meet them.

Meet them and see who you get a good feeling about.

Betterhelp.com is quite good and if you Google you might find a discount code. They do all-round support and counselling online. They will match you with a therapist according to the support you need but if they aren't for you, you can change therapist.

Agree with going on Counselling directory - it's great for filtering by area - it's really hard travelling in this cold so you want someone close by

It is very much like 'matching' and often therapists will do a slightly lower cost introductory/assessment session to see if you're a good fit together

Thanks everyone. I've picked about 5. Now to do the really hard part and make contact.

And if I click with one and continue with therapy, telling those closest to me will be hard. They have no idea how I really feel about myself.

'And if I click with one and continue with therapy, telling those closest to me will be hard. They have no idea how I really feel about myself.'

You don't have to tell anyone. Hardly anyone knew that I was in therapy - just my partner and a couple of close friends. Not everyone can be trusted with sensitive information like that, and some people say very stupid things. Don't put pressure on yourself to share anything with anyone

Agreed you don't have to share the info, and in particular I never share with anyone else what happened in a session. The only thing I'd say is that my current DP is pleased I'm in therapy, and he's the only partner I've ever had who reacts like that. Not a coincidence that my relationship with him is quite different from any other I've ever had, and I met him about 2 years into therapy.

Don't be surprised if some don't call you back. I called 4 and only one returned my call.

If you don't want to tell anyone then don't. I didn't. My family are really nosy so I just picked one half hour away and didn't tell them.

Every now and again my mum will go on about how well she knows me and can tell when I'm lying, I'll never keep any secrets from her. I just nod and laugh inside because I've kept one for 3 years and she hasn't a clue.

When I say those closest, I mean parents. I live with one and I have no hobbies or social life so nipping out once a week (if that's how it goes) would be telling. I'm a crap liar too. I can't imagine telling anyone else.... I'm not a very trusting person. I do worry about trusting a therapist too but know I'll have to get over that.

I haven't told my parents I'm doing therapy, and one of them baby sits for me while I go there! I have a weekly 'yoga' session.. is relatively close to the truth as it's something I'm doing for myself and mental health, they don't need to know the truth!

I had a recommendation from a friend. I confided in her that I thought I needed to see someone and she put me in touch with the psychologist she had also seen in the past.

The starting point would be to say that you don't trust them, rather than forcing yourself to trust them.

Incredibly helpful advice.

unfortunatly it can be hard to find the right therapist for you but when you do omg is it worth it!
i have only ever used nhs therapists due to how hard it is to get the right one and the cost for just trial and error going private i just cant face but now that i have found the right the one i would pay anything for her if i needed to!!

Therapy can be difficult in the beginning so my advice is once you find a therapist you click with stick with it. I came out a few times determined l was never going back as l found it quite challenging but l had decided from the beginning that l would persevere so that kept me going. Overall, in spite of that, l really found it helpful. It takes a while to experience the good affects as sometimes it gets worse before it gets better as you are opening up stuff you possibly never revealed before.
As already said ..until you are comfortable..there is no reason to discuss it with anyone. If you need to tell your parent be low key about it and no need to go into detail just say l have a few struggles l am trying to sort out. If you decide to share more down the road..fine.. but keep it simple in the beginning. Its your own business. Far more people are going to counselling that you think and it's a sign of strength not failure. Hopefully you will find it helpful.

Have a look at www.thecontrolsystem.co.uk/

If the Ted X talk on the first page resonates with you there's a list of practitioners you can contact.

I had a bad experience. It can be difficult to know whether a therapist knows what they're doing because they can basically just sit there saying nothing or very little for years and say that that is their technique. If you express any dissatisfaction, that's a reflection of your difficult personality. It's quite easy to
become a registered therapist, and the people who go into it often have their own serious problems. They are not necessarily good at understanding or guiding others and may not be very bright. They can take advantage of the low opinion the "patient" is likely to have of themselves and can develop a superiority complex. They are also very expensive. I did try to find a good one by meeting several. One would only see me if I agreed to allow her to record all the sessions so that she could use them in her training of other therapists. Another committed a horrific murder not very long after our meeting. The one I went for encouraged me to have an abortion (I didn't) because I expressed lack of confidence about parenting. And that wasn't all.