I don't know what to do

[AlwaysWalkingOnEggshells]

I think things might be escalating. Tonight he was in my face yelling at me while smashing things around me. I've spent the last hour cleaning up broken glass and the urge to use that glass on my wrists and put an end to all this is very strong.

Oh no, this gone totally off the rails. I suggesting leaving as soon as possible, if you can. When he goes to work, for example.

I mean I "suggest" leaving as soon as possible...

this sounds a scary situation @AlwaysWalkingOnEggshells, but there are other ways out of this.
Do you have support irl or can you try women's aid?
www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

Do you have anyone in real life who can come and get you for tonight at least? Also the Samaritans are always open - please reach out to someone in real life. You’re not alone xxxxx

No I don't have anywhere I can go or anyone I can talk to.
He's asleep and I forced myself to take all the broken glass out to the bin and not use it so I'm not in any immediate danger. I just want it all to stop. I'm so tired.

Ah, sorry, from your other thread assume this is not a partner but your adult son?
That must be difficult to know where to turn.
Maybe Samaritans is a good call?

Yes, my adult son.

Glad you've been able to take the positive step to take it out to the bin and remove the immediate danger.
It must be exhausting. Hope you can get some rest and that someone will be along with some more practical suggestions than me by morning.

Thank you. It is exhausting.
I don't know what to do, I can't just throw him out he has nowhere to go and I can't leave I have nowhere else to go. He's not violent towards me so I can't call the police or womens aid or anything like that. All I can do is keep waiting for him to grow up and move out.

OP that level of aggression is not ok neither is damaging property how old is your son?
Please contact a support service in relation to your self harm/suicidal thoughts to support you.
I appreciate it might be a last resort but if the situation escalates please phone the police. You absolutely can phone the them if he's up in your face and damaging property. They can also assist in getting additional support for you and the other party.

Breathing space
Samaratins
NHS24
Are all agencies you can contact to talk over your thoughts and feelings and they will try to help

He's 25. He is aggressive with how he speaks and acts and he regularly breaks stuff in the house when he comes home drunk or on drugs, doors slammed off hinges so hard the wood splits, holes in walls, throwing stuff etc. But he is never violent towards me so I don't think I can call the police. Women who are being beaten by husbands get very little help from the police so I don't think I'll get very far with "my son is shouting at me and breaking my house".

I am on antidepressants and told the gp I was feeling suicidal but I didn't tell her why.

I can't do this anymore. Today I ended up locking myself in the bathroom to get away from his rage after I had said the "wrong" thing.

If I called the police during one of these episods can I tell them I just want them to remove him to give him a chance to calm down without him getting in to any trouble? If I don't want him to get arrested I just want help to descalate the situation, can they help with that?

The kindest thing you can do is to call the police on him and put him out.

It doesn't seem like that would be the case but it is.

Breaking things and acting agressive is abuse.

The kindest thing you can do is to call the police on him and put him out.

Totally agree. Then will then have duty of care and refer him to social services. You can't carry on like this. I would also suggest talking to your GP about YOUR mental health too as it sounds as though you''re on the edge.

He cannot continue like this and neither can you. Hugs.

I'm sorry you have to go threw this dark time.
I have been In many similar situations ( abusive relationship after abusive relationship)

It's not easy to leave but I urge you to try and reach out to a women shelter and make a safety plan.

Keep reaching out on here if it helps you feel connected
And don't try to kill yourself yo escape.

More likely than not you will end up with some injuries or trauma and still be in the same situation.

I ran my vehicle head on into a semi and lived and then a year later jumper off a 120 foot bridge into a river and I'm still here ... it only added extra trauma that I had to work threw and kept me in the same type of situation relationship wise.

Your right about it escalating and you can never tell when it the switch will flip and it won't be glass it will be you getting hit ect...

If you can even if you don't stay go to a shelter and try leaving situations like this often take many may tries so the sooner you start trying the sooner your will succeed..

If your struggling with suicidal thoughts get help for that it will remove you from the situation for a while and you will start to build up your confidence again..

You deserve to be treated with love and respect .

My story is not that of your son but there is thread of similarity.

My parents did not throw me out exactly but on several occasions once I was out of their home refused to have me back. I survived, they survived, and our relationship survived too. Not sure all three would be true had they not taken that drastic action at the time.

I think in your situation you need police involvement. Where are you in geography? If you do not feel able to say, perhaps DM someone who might help you track down local support.