Really struggling just now.

[Ayda32]

Hi everyone.
I'm a looooooiing time watcher and reader on mumsnet and not sure what I've never signed up. But better late than never.

Bit of a background. I'm 32, married and have 2 children.

Both of my parents are(were) alcoholics, I lost my mum due to her alcoholism in 2018 and lost my dad (who didn't come back I my life until 8 years ago) in December 2022 due to his alcoholism.

I'm really really struggling with my anxiety again recently. I was doing fine for years but my dad's death has made me slip again.

Even though to be honest he really wasn't a good dad, I'm still grieving for him and possibly everything I could have had.

My mum was an alcoholic but she was consistent in my whole life and still really struggle without her now.

I'm struggling to sleep, I feel constantly on edge, I can't not do anything because my brain just goes into overdrive and it makes me all panicky.

I'm also struggling with real death anxiety at the minute too.... I'm struggling with the concept of what actually happens afyer death and its making me ever so scared.

I feel so tired and drained and I feel that anxious that I've called in sick to work and said I have a stomach bug because I just can't face it.

I'm going to see a counceller/hypnotherapist this evening, she has smashing reviews and my consultation with her she made me feel very calm.

I have so much abandonment issues probably due to my dad abandoning me, and I'm so scared my husband will now leave me. (He's amazing and would never)

Sorry for such the long post. Suppose I just want someone else to talk too. And hope that there's a light at the end of the tunnel for me not just deeper spiraling anxiety and fear.

I do count myself lucky in other ways, I have both my nan and grandad still alive (mums side) whereas I know alot of people my age do not.
But then most people I know my age still have both parents.

Hopefully you will feel a lot better after the session this evening - a good hypnotherapist can help enormously.

I'm hoping so too. I've struggled with My mental health on and off my whole life really, wont go into that much detail on here, it would take me forever 🙃

I’m sorry this is the situation OP. I don’t want to give bad advice, so I’ll give no advice 😬 but I’m thinking for you and I know that one day things will be better for you than they right now.

Just get through today, maybe go for a walk in fresh air if you can, reconnecting with nature is calming I find. The counsellor will be able to suggest some techniques which will help eventually. In the meantime just take things one day at a time.

xx

You are young to have lost both your parents. And you've only recently lost your dad.

The advice I give is to nurture your inner child. Look after them kindly, don't be harsh or expect too much of them. They are hurting and lost right now.

I'm glad you have a therapist to go to.

Relate do counselling, it might help to talk this through with someone. You may need s bit of help to process this loss.

It does sound hard. Remember it's still raw, these are big life events that take time to recover from.

Wishing you all the best.

Thank you both for your replies. I really do appreciate it.
I've never had therapy in any sense before so I am hoping after all these years of struggling with my mental health, I can get to the route cause of all my mental suffering.

I agree with the walk. I'm going to get wrapped up because it's been lightly snowing a little bit on and off this morning, get my dog his coat on and go up the hills.

And to the comment about the inner child... I have had this feeling that I'm a child all over again at the minute but haven't got a parent to go to, to comfort me and make everything better.
It's a weird feeling.

I am very lucky that I do have my aunty (mums sister) who feels like a safe person for me. And I do have a husband who I can fall back onto.

Sometimes I just feel like I need to speak to people who don't know me if that makes sense.
It means I can't be judged (well hopefully not)

Good luck with your session tonight.
There is no surprise that you feel the way you do - you have had a lifetime of your emotional needs never being met in any way.

You can work through this if you have the commitment to do so, but it will be hard - worth it, but hard.

There are (I think this is right) 3 million children of alcoholics, you are not alone, and the impact of this on your emotional development is undisputed - it is not good for you and will create work for you in being able to work it out and through.

AlAnom might also be worth connecting with - find people who truly get it al-anonuk.org.uk/

I'm totally determined to work through this regardless how hard it's going to be, I can just imagine how amazing I'm finally going to feel after I've put that hard work In.

Kind of hoping for an overnight improvement but I'm fully aware this isn't going to happen 🤣

Thank you again for your reply also, letting things off my chest really does help.

No overnight improvement of course, but every step in the right direction will start to help you feel better

Your anxiety and other 'neuroses' that you describe such as insomnia are just a sign of your unresolved tension - the tension of the familial relationships you have endured where undoubtedly your needs were never met. In some ways, you can see these symptoms as your special friend and in that way you don't need to fear them. They are there, in your face, alerting you consciously to the fact you need to address this stuff, it isn't going to go away until you pay it some attention. Your inner, true you, cares about what has gone on and wants you to be happy.

@Ayda32 - how did it go?

Hi, it went OK, she was extremely calming.
We aren't doing the hypnotherapy properly until my next session.

She had me open up about alot of things and there was alot of tears, and she sent me a mp3 of her doing a personalised relaxation recording. Which I did do whem I got home, it said it was 30 minutes but only felt like 5 minutes which freaked me out a little. Time just disappeared as I listened haha.

Didn't sleep at all last night, I feel so exhausted but it's like I have a whirlpool in my brain of thoughts that just won't stop.

I have high hopes for this working. If not I'll go to my gp and possibly start medication which I've always put off trying.

Not sure if something like kalms would take the edge off for me either? I get terrified of taking medication for some reason.

That's great - and your attitude is brilliant so it will work for you! Try listening to the mp3 when you go to bed, it will help you sleep.