I don't know if this is right

[paulhollywoodshairgel]

I am really struggling. On the verge of a total breakdown. Husband works full time I am off sick.

We have 2 kids. During the week I have to pick the younger one up on the bus. I have developed really awful anxiety around this and am struggling to go out by myself. I have been doing it because I have to but it's at a great cost to my already fragile state. I am completely overwhelmed by all the house stuff that needs doing and the kids things like homework prompting, logistics all the things that go with that. I've literally sat sobbing in front of DH telling him I can't cope and that I'm going to have a breakdown. That I need help. He just pats me on the shoulder and goes about his business. I want him to take over. I can't do it. He has been seriously unwell in the past and I took a few weeks off work to support him. I get none of this. From anyone. It's like I have to just carry on. I honestly feel invisible like I don't exist. It's like 'oh she'll be ok' why don't I deserve help and support? I've sat and sobbed and begged the GP to help me and they put me on a waiting list for an assessment. I don't know why no one is listening to me. I feel like I'm not a real person or something.

Sorry for rambling. I don't really know what I want people to say!

Maybe he's worried about money if he also took time off sick?

It's a horrible thing to go through - I don't think avoiding doing things like the bus journey is a good idea anyways though and it might be a blessing in reality that it forces you out? I say that as someone who has had major mental health issues and the worst thing I can do is avoid triggers.

Does your workplace offer access to counselling? That could be helpful?

Like a pp said, for me the worst thing I can do is stop doing something because it makes me anxious. All it does is shift the anxiety onto something else and before I know it, I'm crying in bed all day.

Better to push through. The waiting lists for mental health assessments and treatment are a joke. I supposedly had an urgent referral and was waiting 2 years for counselling. I gave up and went private. If you have the money, it's probably the best thing to do as you'll be waiting a long time otherwise.

Your dh sounds like a bit of an arsehole, not being very supportive.