Oh if I just knew what to do - Anxiety?

[CeliaLia]

I do wonder how common / uncommon it is the way I'm feeling. I'm going to book a GP appointment tomorrow because it's not sustainable and pretty unfair to everyone around me. I just don't know what to expect.

I've always suffered with Anxiety (I think, never for help or seen anyone about it) but to an extent I managed to control it. It would flare up every now and then and I'd have really bad health anxiety, symptom spot, obsess and think the absolute worst. I would also have phases of being terrified of flying which I do quite regularly due my job. I would also have a touch of OCD (I think??) where I have to check appliances numerous times before going to bed, the curtains had to be drawn a certain way and I would always take the same route if walking to the shops etc. Then something normally happens that distracts me (things like looking forward to something, life events etc) and then I'd be fine for a while, these "symptoms" would near enough disappear and then I's be left here wondering how on Earth could I be so stupid, worrying about stupid little these things and all of a sudden I'd be able to rationalise everything and see clearly again. But then a few months later it would start all over again.

It's been really bad since having DC nearly 3 years ago. I remember I cancelled a trip when I was pregnant, the thought of getting on an aeroplane terrified me because I couldn't possibly die with my unborn child in a plane crash, having waited to fall pregnant for so long.

I need help, right? I mean I know that I fell terrible. I can feel this weight on me the minute I wake up and I try and try and try to be happy and not stress about stupid things but it's so hard! I snap easily, little things annoy me and I know life with a 3 year old is exhausting but I can't seem to enjoy myself. Im so jealous of happy parents because here I am just waiting for each day to end so I can go to bed. I do try to keep him happy, we do fun things and he is really well cared for, I think he is quite a happy and smart child.

I don't know what to see the GP about. It sounds like anxiety right? Depression? I think I definitely had post natal depression too. Or could it be something else? The prospect of taking drugs also scares me (I can't put any more bloody weight on!!) but something has to change as I also fear DH is going to have enough soon... 😩

If you ever felt like me, what helped you?

I don't know if it will help but this Ted X will at least help you understand why we experience anxiety and how to work with it;

I think you should try antidepressants, for the sake of yourself, your child, and your marriage. At least try it and commit to 6 months, then see how you feel.

Tell your GP just what you have written here. In fact, hand your OP to them if it’s easier. Well done for taking that difficult first step to make that appt in the first place.

OP- I urge you to get Paul mckennas new book on anxiety. It has a range of hypnotic techniques, NLP, thought changing, emdr and practical exercises to prevent panic, anxiety and anxious thoughts. I’ve found it immensely helpful. Obv you should speak with your gp too but he uses proven techniques that are used in the treatment of ptsd etc.