Does this sound like ADHD (DD 15)??

[january123]

Have also posted in "Teenagers" but board seems quiet today so have moved over here.

DD has been little she has always been different to her peers - seemingly super confident, articulate and driven. But never quite fitting in with people and struggling to retain friends.

Fast forward to now; Year 10. Mentally she is really struggling, really anxious, massively falling behind at school.
We have had meetings with the school but DD feels no better. In her words it is impossible to focus or concentrate in any of her subjects (despite her love of Drama and English), she doesn't get what they want of her and therefore isn't keeping on top work. This in turn fuels her anxiety and sadly she considers herself thick and a write off who will fail all her GCSEs. This couldn't be further from the truth but the fact is if we don't help her soon she may very well do badly, not to mention the increasing impact on her MH.

Does this sound familiar to anyone? I feel so sad and worried for her. Her symptoms seem quite similar to inattentive ADHD but not sure what to do. I understand an NHS referral could take a long time and she needs help.

Her bedroom would make Tracy Emims look like a 5 star hotel! No matter how much I tidy or help her organise it is constant pit. She can never find anything but is always wanting to aquire more stuff. It upsets and overwhelms her.

I should add she is in a lovely independent school with small classes and a very nurturing approach to learning. So not as if she's one of 30 in a class.

she is extremely driven in other areas of her life but massively emotional and volatile. Always talking and highly opinionated, which often gets her into trouble.

Apologies for the font, have cut and pasted my posts!

Hi OP

Im sorry, I don’t have any experience to be able to tell if it’s adhd but it does sound very much like she’s struggling. I’m sure someone will be along soon to give some good advice.

What I will say, on practical terms is to maybe take over the maintenance of her bedroom. Having an untidy room/workspace can help feed the anxiety. I think you’re at the point whereby you’ve given her all the guidance etc and help but she still isn’t doing it. I would take over or even get a cleaner in once a week and take away the burden from her. It’s not advice I would give for other teenagers, as they clearly need to be responsible for their own space. But while she is struggling, I think this could help clear her mind a little.

Have you spoke to the school/pastoral care about dd?

Thank you
I have spoken to the school several times but it seems to centre around academic support rather than her MH/wider issues. She is dropping one of her option GCSEs to try and take some of the pressure off but it hasn't really made any difference

I can identify with a lot of this as a teen. Why ADHD OP?

If you are not sure I would suggest having a good educational psychologist to do screening tests for attention, dyslexia, Asperger’s.
See what they reveal. Then a full assessment can be done - otherwise if it isn’t adhd you won’t be any further forward.
Good luck. Hope you find some answers.

Not sure really; maybe the inability to focus/concentrate. Disorganisation, losing things.
Social difficulties, needing to be centre of attention. Volatile, extreme moods

Does anyone know where I start researching reputable diagnostic centres if I don't go down the NHS route?

These are quite common ‘teenagery’ traits anyway, if you’re not really sure then park a specific diagnosis for now because it sounds like you’re sort of grabbing at anything and trying to make it fit.

Despite what you read on here a lot of teenagers aren’t focussed, emotionally mature etc - the brain doesn’t fully mature until 25 in terms of ‘appropriate’ behaviour.

I would focus on her as a person. Dropping a subject will help a little (I did this), but perhaps work on her organisation skills. Back to basics - does she have a planner? Take 5 minutes each evening to go through it with her and highlight what homework needs doing, make sure she has a nice space to do it and get it into a routine.

Friendship wise, I wouldn’t worry. Again plenty of teens sort of socially ‘drift’, going between groups and that is also normal.

If she opinionated and likes debate, has she looked at subjects like philosophy/politics for A-level (if she wants to do a-levels!). Maybe try and get her excited about learning some interesting things once the wretched GCSEs are over and just focus her on what she needs to get acceptable grades.

good luck.

OP, it sounds to me like ASD. If she was a student at my school I'd be completing a referral for her. Autism in females often presents exactly as you've described in your post.

OP this sounds exactly like my 15 year old. I would not rush to a diagnosis of ADHD - we spent a lot of money on a private ADHD assessment etc and they were all to happy to diagnose ADHD and then for us to pay for trying out all sorts of meds. We wasted a couple of years on that and it turns out it was ASD which due to the issues DC was having with undiagnosed ASD led to depression and anxiety. So I suppose I am saying be careful of just looking at ADHD (rather than ASD and/or depression and anxiety) because there are a lot of providers out there who will be all to happy to take your money for ADHD when that could be missing the real issue and valuable time lost.

Not sure if anyone has said this but you would need proof from under 12, preferably below 7 that she showed these traits. Have you done an ADHD screener online?

My struggles with ADHD peaked at A level and 1st year of uni so she definitely may have been masking academically until now but she would still have traits from a very young age.

I went private and would recommend it to everyone. I sold pretty much everything I owned to fund assessment and titration. It cost around £5k in the end but it was so so so worth it

Thank you. I'm all to aware that teens can display many of the behaviours I've listed but something I me has always felt she is different. Also if it wasn't affecting her MH so much I possibly would overlook some of it.

Having now looked at ASD trouts in girls, especially the high functioning and masking, I recognise a lot of it in DD

I have ASC too but there’s no treatment for that. I went for ADHD assessment first and during that they picked up ASC. I then had to pay again to have it formally confirmed

Psychiatry UK are excellent. Particularly Dr Samuel Yates.

Your DD sounds like me at that age. I have Autism Spectrum Condition with ADD traits. Was diagnosed late in life. Am just going through the process of getting DD (11) assessed now.

Worh noting that in England, NHS are allowing adults to book with Psychiatry UK under the Right to Choose path atm. This is to help get waiting times down. And for adolescents, CAHMS are using a similar system with a company called Healios. May be worth asking some questions. My DD has been refered to Healios via CAHMS (within a few months of being referred to them for Anxiety and Emotional Regulation issues)

Well I've had 3 of mine diagnosed with ADHD.Only one I would have diagnosed when younger. If kids are bright they can go totally under the radar. Dd2 was only diagnosed after going to pieces at 15/16, having always been a high achiever. My third one was just a naughty bright kid & the class clown. Until he started to become depressed at 15 due to undiagnosed ADHD.
So I totally disagree with having to show issues when younger.
Find out whether there's a private clinic in your area. Ours also has the local NHS contract for ADHD.
They will take a history & ask for some teacher assessment forms to be completed. The drug titration to achieve the right dose can be quite time consuming & expensive unfortunately.

I’ve just had a major row with my husband. He never spends time with the children or take them anywhere. Our youvjet son is in trouble a lot at school and they have a poor relationship. DH called yhe 12 Yr old a waste of space and the hr has given up on him a long time ago. He is heartless and has no idea how to parent. He tells my younger son every day that he will amount to nothing and taunts me about how my son will never treat me well. He does have issues but a lot of it stems from getting attention. His father never sits and plays with him or take him to the movies. He is a bright boy who enjoys school but he is struggling lately. Im so worried for his mental health. He has shown sights of ADHD from a young child ; the inability to focus/concentrate. Disorganisation, losing things. Social difficulties, needing to be centre of attention - attention . Volatile, extreme moods. Addiction to screen . I’m at my wits end - I’ve booked an appointment to get my son assessed so he had the right support. My question is what do I do about my husband -his negative energy jus brings us all down. After he berated my son again, I ran up stairs trying to hide the tears. I feel so sad for my boy.

@MamaJubba my dh is like that & I have 4 - 3 with ADHD.
What I've discovered & my kids psych. Is very certain is that dh probably has severe ADHD & possibly autism. It has an awful effect on the kids. The two girls are fine but the boys often flounder. I pretty much sole parent.
The reason I say this is the fact he sounds very much like your husband.

I will answer this purely from my own experience.

Firstly, I would say that Neurodiversity is not a mental health condition. Although I appreciate that this thread has been posted here by the OP due to her wish of getting answers.

I'm (clinically, and officially) diagnosed as Autistic. I have patented my DD alone since she was 18 months old. It was clear that her father was unable to parent and was very volatile.

I'm fairly sure that my DD's Dad has some fairly serious Mental health problems. I know his history, and have seen how badly he reacts in various situations.

I've kept my (late in life) Autism diagnosis from him as I'm sure he would probably 'blame' me for our break up and our Daughters anxiety issues.

However, my DD is currently going through an Autism diagnosis. Her Dad has had virtually no input as a father from day one. He is selfish to the core, lacks severely in self awareness and has little in the way of empathy.

As an Autistic person, this bothers me. I'm so close to my daughter (I'd say pregnancy, birth and motherhood is a general indicator here) Look up double empathy. Lack of empathy is a very much myth in Autism.

I have no idea why my daughters Dad is such an unfeeling and nasty person. I've done a lot of research and spoken to my Psychiatrist about it, and believe there is possibly a Behavioral disorder at play.

Either way, me and my DD have been better navigating our lives without him.

It would be easy for me to label him with severe ADHD. It might be the case, but the biggest indicator of someone's personality is not recognising a problem and addressing it.