Coming off the rails rather

[GettingABitLost]

Namechanged to be a bit less googleable.
I've a history of a couple of severe depressions with self harming and anorexia being part of the symptoms. I tend to follow a pattern of getting stressed, working insanely hard to cope with feelings then crashing, stop eating and start self harming. In between these 'bouts' Im stable, weights reasonable, no SH-ing and get on well in life.

Had surgery very recently. It was difficult and a long, difficult and on occasions traumatic time leading up to it. I was so scared that I coped by keeping myself extraordinarily busy with physical stuff. Even the afternoon after the morning surgery I kept going though I had a bad head, felt sick and faint. kept working all weekend.

Today I feel crumpled. Weepy, exhausted, no appetite, worrying irrationally. Have had to phone hospital about physical symptoms today related to surgery and even though they say its fine I find it hard to trust them.

All I want to do is cry but I'm in such a pickle with all my comittments. Even today I got phoned asking me to come out and deliver leaflets and stupid idiot me, even though my brain was crying out not to be stupid I said yes.

I think I'm starting to lose the plot and I'm scared of that. i just want to be me. not some weepy irrational idiot on the road to self destruction.

not sure quite how to get back on track?

try not to panic - just going through the surgery/anaesthesia process can leave you feeling drained and down. Try and get a reasonable amount of rest physically - and can you switch your phone off if you don't trust yourelf to say no to favours.

Thanks TotalChaos, you are probably right. I found myself weeping while leafleting. not good. just need to give myself a bit of a break I spose.

Thanks TotalChaos, you are probably right. I found myself weeping while leafleting. not good. just need to give myself a bit of a break I spose.

I suffered from not terribly severe depression for quite q while before I sought help: lethargy, weepiness and extreme irritability. I too tried to keep myself busy but of course it didn't work. I also had twp minor operations and they had a definite psychological effect. It's too easy to be glib and say count your blessings but I found St John's Wort worked a bit and I was lucky to have a very supportive husband and embarked on weekly psychtherapy for the best part of a year and now feel much more able to direct my own life. Having kids and effect it has on career/ self image is enormous coupled with tiredness from kids and surgery will make you especially vulnerable. Consider proper therapy: there's only so much that friends and a bottle of wine can sort out. Good luck!