I honestly don't see a way forward anymore

[cocopops11]

I'm late 30's, got out of an emotionally abusive relationship a few years ago and have never been able to properly move on since then. I have been diagnosed with complex trauma and also have ADHD on top of that which had made things difficult. The only friends I did have are people that my ex isolated me from, the only other friends I have are long distance and we only keep in touch online or through calls.

I just don't see the point to life anymore, I work as a carer and am great at caring for others but it's like I just don't care about myself. All over Christmas on social media, I saw people get engaged and have great fun with friends which made me feel even lonelier. I've done lots of stuff like meetup, volunteering etc but only ever meet people on a surface level.

I'm also a lesbian who is still firmly in the closet and feel envious of couples who are able to be out and be themselves. I dream of meeting an amazing woman but just feel I would have nothing to offer her because I'm so traumatised and am living in accommodation that is really run down and shabby.

I just feel at a loss and ever since the whole relationship with my ex, not a day goes by when I'm not passively sucidial and don't want to be here. I want things to change but just feel stuck

Just want to send you a hug. Im older than you & everything fixes eventually I promise. A tip i use is to try to practice gratitude (even small things) I don't know if this will help you but i do hope so 🤗

Why do you feel unable to come out? What is it that you fear?

@Freeme31 thanks for your kind words ❤ gratitude is something that I have started to do in listing the small things that I'm grateful for each day

@Eyesopenwideawake to be honest I think it's my own deep rooted fears and also the fact for much of my life I've always put myself into a box and wanted to live the same kind of life as everyone else, just to "fit in" and not feel different. Even though that way of doing things no longer works for me because I feel totally miserable

It is possible to deal with your fears and open the box that's become a self imposed prison cell - especially as intellectually and logically you know that you are miserable because of them.

Please consider remedial hypnosis (happy to send you a list of Control System practitioners) as it will help you to 'reset' the deep seated beliefs and thought patterns that are holding you back. Your subconscious mind wants you to be happy, it just needs some help to achieve it.

@Eyesopenwideawake I would really appreciate that thank you. I am definitely interested in trying to make a change because I know I have been miserable as I am for a really long time

Sent 😊