No advice needed. Just venting.

[Whyx]

Have tried online therapy but the therapist always seemed to want to work on fixing something. However, I really just wanted someone to listen to me rant and vent without worrying about judgement or the other person's feelings/ involvement.

Writing it in a notebook or something never really worked for me either.

So I am going to try posting here to get it all out and feel like I'm telling someone who doesn't matter.

I don't care much whether anyone posts back and anyone should feel welcome to post their own stuff.

Not looking for advice. Just venting.

Me, I talk to the kettle so to speak, writing it in a journal is a mix and sometimes I get better perspectives running over ideas in my mind to achieve x perspectives.
Plus talking to myself is a lot cheaper

I'm here and happy to listen x

DS2 is 6mo. I have spent the last 3 months seeing every hour of the clock through the night. I was on the brink and have this week decided to try sleep training. But I keep messing it up. I've ended up with a disastrous mix of controlled crying and pick up put down/feed to sleep.

Original plan was to keep him awake while feeding, burp Jim and put down with some patting, shushing and words as needed. First night there was a lot of fussing but it worked. I only needed to feed him twice that night. He didn't wake any other times. Since first night it's gotten a bit worse with 3 wake ups and tonight we've had a tough start and two wake ups already...

The crying in his cot has occurred because I am so conflicted by the advice. I have looked up research and see there is no proven long term impact of cc. So some crying in his cot seems inevitable. I'm right there with him, patting and shushing or just with my hand on his tummy. But my instinct was to pick him up and after 30 mins of on and off crying I figured picking him up was the only option.

He had been settling after the night feeds (mostly kept awake to feed) and I thought we were cracking it. So tonight when he cried for 45 minutes while I lost my absolute shit with the lack of sleep. I snarled at him and snatch his hands away from my hair when he tried to grab it..I felt awful. I apologised to him but still can't believe I was acting like that to my 6mo baby. How horrible. Anyway I finay listened to my instincts and fed him and gently out him in his cot. Fully cuddled him in there while he thrashed about (with no crying) and he's sound asleep.

I hate all the conflicting advice about sleep. I also hate how little support I have in other areas which means I need the sleep to cope.

Have my toddler tonfeal with all day and night wake ups too. I'm just sooo much better at it that I can't leave it to DH.

Anyway venting over. Aaahhhh.

I won't give you advice but I will say I've been there and the conflicting advice is a pain in the arse.

Be kind to yourself OP. Snapping at your baby is normal with lack of sleep and stress. I've been there too and felt hideous about myself too. But you are human and doing your best x

I won't advise either but just acknowledging you're feeling crap. I've been there. Years ago now but I still remember the feelings

Just wanted to add that I’ve been there too. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture for a reason 😞. Sleep training is also very hard at 3am when already exhausted. The only think I learnt was not to act on my 3am ideas!!! It does pass, but it makes the mat leave experience a whole other thing…

He slept until now which is great! I definitely think he needs to fall asleep on the surface he'll be sleeping on otherwise he freaks out if he's somewhere new when he stirs.

I'm meeting two child free friends today at a cafe.

Had hoped to leave the toddler at home but think he'll feel left out if I take the baby now.

Baby has had feeding issues so never left a bottle etc.

I really can't be arsed with the wrangling but need to make the effort to catch up with these friends. Hopefully baby will sleep and toddler will be happy with some hot chocolate.

I've also just remembered I need to update the lactaction consultant about the baby. Never sure what to say. There never seems to be massive improvement. Latch always pinches on same side. We didn't do a second tongue tie division as we hoped it would stretch. His tongue mobility seems great now but I do wonder if another division would benefit. More £££ though because the stupid useless NHS dentist here refuses to cut posteriors ties and seems to relish telling exhausted desperate parents that there's nothing he can do and to just get on with it, try a bottle or maybe some Vicks for congestion!?! Yes I'm still bitter.

All the best op