DH convinces himself he's ill constantly

[husbandlife]

I don't think it's hypercondria as he doesn't assume serious illnesses, just normal colds and sickness.

He has a phobia of being sick, and so in the last couple of years every time someone is ill or says they've been sick, if he is stood near them or works with them then that's it. I just know he's guaranteed to be "ill" now. He kept saying in bed he was hot and cold and aches all over. I didn't click until he said "Jack went home from work yesterday with it and now I've got it" I finally realised it's because he's been in proximity to someone ill he is magically ill again. Happens all the time. He always is adamant that he really feels this way. But I am certain it's because in his head he convinces himself he is going to get it so he starts feeling physically symptoms.

Sometimes he realises afterwards that he just imagined it and made himself ill through convincing himself he was going to get it. Sometimes he's come home from work and spent the day in bed because he's been near someone who was ill even though there's nothing wrong with him. But in that moment he believes there is.

If one of the kids is sick, that's it, the rest of the day is a write off cos I know he'll be feeling sick (and has to lie down as a result!) If I'm unwell while he's at work I can't tell him for fear of triggering him into saying "you know what I feel like xyz too" 🙄

Is there anything I can do. I'm struggling to accept this as it's happening so much. Sometimes he realises later that it was all in his head. Sometimes he doesn't. Right now he's laid in bed because he feels sick/achey/ hot and cold/blah blah (Same as what Jack had funnily enough!!) He says I never have any sympathy when he's ill.

He had ASD diagnosed as an adult and ADHD diagnosed this year, awaiting medication for that. Just want to know how to help him see what's happening and stop him from falling victim to this mindset all the time

Poor bloke, try and give him some sympathy. He wouldn't choose to do this on purpose. Perhaps what may help him to stop feeling the symptoms of a phantom illness is some councilling and/or hypnotherapy?

I think the OP is all out of sympathy. Must be draining.

I must seem so heartless reading that back but it feels like the boy who cried wolf as it happens so often. we were supposed to be taking Christmas tree etc down today and sorting the toys but instead he's laid in bed while it's left to me 😩 if that person didn't go home sick he would be fine today.
I don't know if he'll speak to gp but is aware he has health anxiety

Can you try and talk about it when its not ‘in the moment’. Be curious, ask him what he thinks and how he would like to handle it.

I could see how that would be incredibly draining. Essentially it just sounds like nobody else in the house can ever be poorly? It does all sound like it all revolves around him and the sympathy would certainly wear thin after a bit. Not sure what to suggest with his diagnoses. The whole thing sounds a bit like hard work.

As a health anxiety sufferer, your dp has my upmost sympathy, although I can appreciate how draining it must be for you. Please insist that he speaks to the GP about this. I am on anti-d's which helps somewhat, but counselling is also something worth a go. I promise you we do not do it to upset others, it really is a terrifying cycle to be in. He must get help for his and your sake.

Thanks for speaking from his perspective, it's hard to not get mad about it and frustrated with him. Somethings got to change though as I feel like I'm "not allowed " to be ill. He will argue and say I am allowed, but I'm not because if I'm ill and I tell him he is automatically going to be ill as well

This is good, thank you I will do this when he is well again and say "do you remember when you was xyz and then realised after it was jus the fear of being sick that made you feel sick " etc hopefully he can see that it's always the same, if he gets the idea in his head then that's it. The last few times he's been unwell or off work with sickness he hasn't vomited even once. It partially is the fear of being sick that he panics about too

Agree he looks terrible.. Send him off to bed. Shut the door and get on with your day. Maybe once he sees he is missing out he may reform.
My ex was similar.. Always fine on pool nights and golf weekends though.

DH is inclined towards this.
When he lists his symptoms and asks what I think he might be suffering from I usually just reply hypochondria.
But he is willing to accept that he imagines himself to be suffering from terrible illnesses when he just isn't.
I would work on getting your DH to accept he has an issue on a day when he isn't imagining that he is sick.

Good plan, just try and ask him why…phrasing things as questions is really important so he doesnt feel attacked. Ask him what he has noticed, what he thinks the impact is on you, what he might be teaching dc with his example and what he wants to do about it all.

Then on day when he is stating he is sick you can remind him of his hypochondriac leanings. Take his temperature, give him two paracetamol and tell him he just has to crack on.