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Mental health

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Original poster

How to help son with poor mental health

11 replies

Notcopingwithmum · 29/12/2022 10:22

I'm really worried about my son. He is 20. Has had poor mental health for a few years since getting involved with weed in his late teens. I'm fairly confident it hasn't progressed to anything else but I'm devastated that weed has taken away my lovely, caring, happy, confident boy. He posted something online the other day about if you managed to stay alive this year that's enough. I got a phone call from the police a few weeks ago saying he was missing & my heart sank. He turned up ok but I can't help feeling one day he won't. What, if anything, can I do to help him?

OP posts:

Original poster

Notcopingwithmum · 29/12/2022 14:54

Really hoped I'd get some help on here or someone would be in the same boat. Anyone?

OP posts:

Merrydance · 29/12/2022 15:31

Hi Notcoping
I am nor in same situation but have a daughter with different mental health issues, so did not want you to have no responses, so hopefully this will help bump your thread
Is he having any treatment for his mental health? If not, encourage him to do so, contact GP or local mental health team. When he went missing you were clearly worried for his safety, so if he is not willing to seek help, you need to question if he has insight and call your local mental health crisis team to ensure he is safe

Original poster

Notcopingwithmum · 29/12/2022 20:01

He is not getting any help. When he was living with me I tried to get him to see our GP but he either cancelled the appointment or didn't turn up. The GP practice even phoned me to try & get him to attend but he refused. I will look into what services are available. I just spend my whole time worrying about him & I don't know what to do. He now lives independently so I don't see him day to day

OP posts:

BunniesBunniesBunnies · 29/12/2022 20:03

Hey, this must be so worrying for you!! Don’t assume the weed is the cause of his poor mental health though, he may be using it to be self medicating. He needs proper support (and possibly medication).
its hard because he is an adult so you can hardly force him to see the GP. Offering a hand hold because it must be really tough for you.

42isthemeaning · 29/12/2022 20:08

Hi op I just wanted to say I'm sorry to read this and hope someone else can come along with advice. This must be so difficult for you.

purpleboy · 29/12/2022 20:14

The short version is he is now an adult and if he doesn't want help, or feel he needs it then there is nothing you can do.
As his mother, are you close? Do you talk? Did you mention the post you saw?
Talking without judgement or blame is the starting point, does he work? Who does he live with?

santibaby · 29/12/2022 20:17

Can you sit him down and have a bit of an intervention? Tell him the extent to which you're worried and work together on coming up with a plan like seeing a dr or trying to access mh services. Or is he in denial there's a problem?
Is there a trusted person who could help with an intervention- family friend or relative who's not as connected?
Good luck

Original poster

Notcopingwithmum · 29/12/2022 20:28

He lives alone & works in bars & nightclubs. We are very close & we do talk but he is in denial. For a while he gave up weed & seemed to be getting somewhere but he went back to it & is now totally demotivated

OP posts:

Original poster

Notcopingwithmum · 31/12/2022 09:00

I've reached out on here & also to a friend who runs a blog in mental health & it's not been much help. I think the way forward for me is to find help with how I handle this as there seems to be very little I can do to actually help my son. Meantime we'll keep talking as we do anyway but I know most of the time he says what he thinks I want to hear as opposed to how he really feels

OP posts:

santibaby · 31/12/2022 09:29

Why don't you talk to your own GP? This is understandably very worrying for you and they may have suggestions for how you can manage your own response to what's happening.

I think the hard thing is realising there is no silver bullet but what we can do is manage how we deal and cope with what's happening in front of us even when we cannot control the outcome.

Hope that makes sense a little. Good luck. It's a tough age for sons.

Friendofdennis · 31/12/2022 09:58

to try to tackle his own feelings is better than drifting and getting worse. I think the first hurdle is to understand that it is possible to help yourself and change things for the better at the early stage of deteriorating mental health. Take a look at the Mind website. There are many self help resources on there a basic foundation would be to get out into nature if possible and exercise it is easy to dismiss some advice because it has become so familiar but many of the simple things do work. As I said Mind have some amazing resources such as gratitude diaries and exercises to combat depression and anxiety If you familiarise yourself with some of the resources you may feel more confident in helping him. Why not do some of them together ?

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