Son Going On Anti Depressants

[Charliesunnysky10]

My 19 year old has stammered since age 3 and suffers with low mood, loneliness and low self esteem. I encourage him to exercise, get daylight (he hides in his room, gaming), and organise trips out so he'll spend time with the family. Lately hes been in tears because a disagreement with someone in his friendship group has left him distraught that the others seemed to side with her and distance themselves from him - he admits he feels paranoid and without any perspective. He mentioned feeling no desire to continue living and that he contributed nothing - that everyone is better off without him and he'd not be missed. He later said he regretted saying that, but I'd really like to help him get some support in place. His friends have tried to encourage him toward counselling to unpack some of the emotional baggage in a safe setting, with a trained person, but he doesnt want that. However he has asked what I think about him going on antidepressants this afternoon (his old housemate at uni suggested it as he'd been on them) - he's made an appointment online with the GP. Yet tonight I heard him giggling away watching something in his room online with a friend and my experience of AD's is that they make you feel numb and unable to experience much in the way of emotion, which would be a shame to shut this down. And risk long term use/addiction. Ideally I'd want him to work on himself without medication. How should I respond? Would the GP even prescribe him antidepressants without counselling? I know there's a long waiting list for NHS counselling. I dont want to interfere too much as I know he's an adult but I do want him to be safe and in a happier place, and he's asking for my input so i want to do my best to give him helpful advice.

I honestly think the best thing is to support him to see the GP and not to try to sway him one way or the other, the important thing is that he gets help. Anti depressants don't numb you or prevent you having emotions, but the risks are a bit higher for young people so the GP will probably try and persuade him to try counselling or CBT first. CBT could be a good option for him - it isn't the same as counselling and he might be more open to that, but I would let the GP explain the options.

Well, my experience of antidepressants is very different from yours. They haven't ever made me feel numb or unable to express emotion. If you get the right ones for you, they just make things feel a bit easier. They make me feel that I can cope. They lift me out of that dark place.

Yes the GP will prescribe antidepressants without counselling first. The wait for counselling is months and months. And even then you're lucky if you get 3-6 sessions on the NHS. I went private for counselling in the end, my experience of NHS counselling was poor.

My opinion is, don't discourage your son from doing something that may really help him. Antidepressants aren't a bad thing, for many people they are life saving. And what's wrong with long term use?

@Whywhywhywhy3 Thank you so much. My experience was 25 years ago on Seroxat for 8 months - hardly relevant.

@HotPenguin CBT is excellent. I'd love him to have access to this. Thank you!

Would the GP even prescribe him antidepressants without counselling?

Yes. Antidepressants are handed out like sweeties.

my experience of AD's is that they make you feel numb and unable to experience much in the way of emotion

Are you thinking of the old zombie type antidepressants?
The biggest side effect in men of the new antidepressants seems to be erectile dysfunction (which shouldn't be overlooked-imagine being a depressed man and your penis stops working too!)

Has he considered a self help book?

@AndyWarholsPiehole Yes, although I thought at the time (1997) my Seroxat was mild low dose, I had zero sex drive on it, though at the time that was the least of my worries!

My nearly 19 year old ds is on antidepressants, he is under Camhs, psychology & the GP but nobody would prescribe them until he was 18, despite him having suicidal thoughts & self harming. I can see a big change in him & I feel in some ways I am getting my ds back.

Have you ever taken ADs? They shouldn't make you numb, as a previous comment says, they should lift him out of this really dark place. They are also not at all addictive. Advice to your son - if he experiences bad side effects he doesn't have to put up with them, his doctor should work with him to find the right drug and dosage.

I would suggest keeping an open mind for your son and allow him to make his own medical decisions.

I say this kindly, but I find it pretty sad that the stigma against ADs is so great that you would rather your son not take potentially lifesaving medication even when he comes to you saying that he wants to die. Sad reflection on our society's attitude toward mental health struggles.

This.

My dh takes 40mg citalopram every day and has done for 5 years now and probably always will. He can’t function without it. Since he’s been on it he’s like a different person and has been able to work (couldn’t hold a job down before as ended up off sick so much with severe depression), doesn’t get upset or angry about things. He says he doesn’t feel numb, just like himself but better…! It did take a while to find the best dose and drug for him, this is the third one he’s tried with trial and error but it’s honestly saved his life.

Has he had therapy for his stammering? He could contact Stamma UK and the City Lit in London do great group courses for people who stammer. He might get a lot out of that and meet other young people who stammer.

@Nat6999 That's wonderful to hear.
I'm sorry you've been on such a difficult journey to get to this point and I wish you and your son all the very best x

@zalmentra I was Seroxat for 8 months in 1997. This is such a limited and distant experience I'm grateful to get a better idea of the current provision before I come back to my son with an opinion. I'm careful not to go bowling in and take over because he needs to feel in control of his own life but if he asks me for help, or is struggling badly I want to be in a position to listen, so I'm trying to be around more and available to talk if he wants to. I wouldnt try to influence him, but he asked for my view and I felt like I needed more info. I wasnt against him looking at AD route, it was more that ideally I'd prefer it to be a more holistic approach to include talking therapies/CBT but I think the wait is huge. Having read the replies, incuding yours, I feel much more confident now.

@Afterfire Thats really encouraging to hear and I'm really glad your husband has found a med & dose that works for him. As you say, a life saver.

@Felicity42 Yes, he's had several
rounds of therapy over the last 18 years, some were more helpful than others. London is a long way and would require a fair bit of logistical planning, perhaps when hes in a better place. Its a pity there are so few satellite provisions that would be more accessible. I'm looking into local groups - many are on Facebook, which he's not on. Traditional therapies teaching tricks and techniques to 'mask' the stammer haven't been as successful as ones aimed at his thoughts and feelings like CBT & NLP. He stammers because he 'feels' like a stammerer. When he was able to leave this thought process behind for a period, he was naturally fluent. He is fluent when he talks to himself, or another person who stammers. It's a belief/behavoural pattern. I completely agree that meeting more people who stammer will be a good thing too, so he doesnt feel isolated and can share experiences with people who have walked in his shoes. Thank you for this.

Hi, the City Lit do Online live courses as well! So you can join in from home.
Their ethos would be the acceptance and shame reduction model which ultimately is the best way forward long term. There's a lot of shame with anxiety, the two gets rolled together in your mind.
So it's great to get the "I am not my stammer' approach which they would advocate. City Lit do include some speech therapy 'techniques' but their focus is the thoughts and feelings.

Most if not all of the speech therapists at City Lit stutter themselves so they know how it feels.
I'm a person who stammers too so that's why I'm harping on about it.

You could ring them and see if they think it suits his age group or ask if any other youngsters are signed up for a course. They have an online course in January I see.

@Felicity42 Wow...thank you so very much! That's really helpful and I'm so grateful for your help and information 🙏

Your experience of antidepressants is extremely outdated. The older drugs did used to have that effect but they have come on a long way since then.

Honestly I think you need to butt out a bit as he is 19 and an adult and you really have no say in this anyway. Support him or he will just shut you out and do what he thinks is best anyway.

My mum said exactly the same, she didn't want me on medication and so I just don't tell her. She literally knows hardly anything about my mental health anymore. She doesn't know which tablets I take as she will keep trying to persuade me off them, she doesn't know I have counselling because she will try to intervene and the list goes on.

The more you try to control him, the less he will tell you.

@Bigdamnheroes Thank you. I'm glad to find things have moved on. I absolutely would not butt in; he asked me and he sounds unsure. I told him I'm not sure either but will do some research (which included this thread, which is absolute gold by the way) and suggested he do some too. I hope things are better with you for the combined therapies. And yes, you're right - trying to control him will do the opposite. I've no desire to do that. I want him to continue to be himself on his own terms and be able to call on me whenever he needs to.

ADs can help alleviate the black cloud into a dark grey cloud and this gives the person the space to breath. I, like your son, laugh and I'm on ADs. Each moment can be up or down.

let him see the doctor and let the doctor judge the best route for him

@DifferentYearSameShit Thank you. Its really good to get first hand perspective. He has an apointment today so hopefully that will be helpful.

Update! He came back from the GP today and told me he's been prescribed 50mg Sertraline daily. The prescription is 28 days and he has a review with the GP in 4 weeks. He seems happier, just having taken this step. Thank you again for the info and advice.