I keep being overwhelmed by the thought that if I have a heart attack and drop dead that I wouldn't be discovered for a while. And that just makes me sad, really sad.
I have various relatives that I know love me and I love them. All the relatives though have significant others, they would immediately be discovered if the worst happened to them. I don't know why I keep thinking about it. It feels so random, why this particular thought.
I am an alcohol addict, I was sober for the first 6 months of 2022 and then had an awful relapse for July but until today was alcohol free again. I have really messed up today; I know what it leads to and the effort it takes to stop again. I have had treatment by the local alcohol service. Last time they only offered group meetings which I forced myself to go to for four months but just couldn't cope anymore.
I take anti depressants and anti psychotics but am just bobbing along. Grateful for the medication as I would be horrendous without it. But it does scare me that I could off myself and it wouldn't be noticed for a while.