I just don’t know where to turn

[Chumbibi]

I suspect I have postnatal depression but I can’t get a doctor’s appointment, I can’t see a Health Visitor, My family and my husband just seem to be totally in denial about what is going on.

I tried ringing pandas and also Samaritans and there is no one there to answer calls today. I just don’t know what to do anymore my husband just puts me down makes me feel like I don’t matter. My parents are useless and don’t do anything to help in any meaningful way. I have my two beautiful children who I love more than anything but all I can think about is killing myself.

Over the years my relationship has been Has been dysfunctional with my husband he doesn’t support me emotionally in anyway whatsoever And belittles how I feel . just now I was crying to him and his response was that all I do is sit and cry.

He hasn’t taken the fact that I feel suicidal seriously, he’s not helped me get any help. He’s a horrible cold hearted man. So not only do I feel in a deep depression but also that my marriage is over. Prior to this is a very traumatic birth with my DD And a very stressful job with a toxic boss.

It all just feels too much I just want it all to end. What can I do?

I'm here. In similar situation but I'm here. Keep posting

I've rung health visitors before and managed to get through. Try and get GP for January? I keep telling myself everything is shit but surely I will feel better. Sounds awful but I'm blaming having a baby because it's just too much. I hate it. I wish he was older Eg 4+ but then I feel sad because that would mean my lovely daughter was older and she is the most perfect age and I'm just not parenting her properly. I'm a total failure

It’s just so so hard. I just need more support from those around me and they are not stepping up. My DH can’t even stop arguing with me given how I feel. It’s just awful

What part of the country you in?

I totally get it- when you are down and overwhelmed you need support and maybe just a hug not someone guilt tripping you into feeling like a failure. I'm here.

I know it's not much, but I keep thinking, the winter and everyone being Xmas merry is making it worse. I need to get to March, April. Give myself some hope. Can you get some hope. Anything.

Hey, I am here you are not on your own...

Did you try the Samaritans again.

I’m in London

My DH just keeps calling me a selfish c**t. I feel like if I look forward to spring that’s when I go back to work to a job which I absolutely bloody hate.

it all feels so endless. I kept thinking I’m not looking forward to Xmas and it wasn’t great and made me feel worse.

@Chumbibi are you on maternity leave? If you are then it's the same here and I can write chapter and verse on how this has cocked me up. Going back to work might actually help me somewhat. I will be switching depression for stress though

@Chumbibi come back

Hi, a little update. A HV called me today who was really nice and helpful and she’s coming to see me next week. I also have been referred through my insurance for some therapy. DH and I had a very frank chat last night about how if things didn’t change I would die.

today has been a much better day. I know I need to get better for my children. They are my world and they need me.

@walkinthewoodstoday we can do this. Our children think we are the best things in the world and that’s all that matters

That's really positive. I just keep thinking I need to get to the GP, tell them whats happening to me and get some medication. I need to try something. My eldest is getting upset that I keep crying and don't want the baby any more.