I just need it to end

[PorcupinePrickles]

I had really bad birth trauma and months later I am still not recovered physically or mentally. I cannot get over the near death bit of my birth it was fear like I’ve never felt.
I was bed ridden for a while after birth in hospital and felt so guilty I couldn’t hold my child, feed them, comfort them. Even though they are months old now I can’t stop feeling guilty all time that I might not be doing enough to keep baby happy and entertained.
everything makes me anxious, I panic constantly and I can’t take much more, I have no more fight left

Hi OP, I’m sorry for your experience and that you’re so anxious. It must be exhausting. Have you spoken to your GP or anyone else about how you’re feeling? I definitely encourage you to reach out, mental health in the post partum period can be very delicate and you’ve been through a scary and tough time. Things can and will get better with the right support. All the best x

@procrastinator8 I have reached out to my GP and was referred for CBT but it’s just an online type course. I’m giving it my best shot but feel so guilty taking that time
away from DC to do the work.

Keep at it.
Your baby will thank you
Sending love x

Have you contacted your HV for support ?
Were you offered antidepressants ?

Go back and ask for medication if there is a suitable one for breastfeeding - or if you are bottle feeding.

Hugs xx

Do you want to talk more about how you are feeling? Is your DP supportive? How is your baby :)

Speak to your health visitor they will be able to support you and sign post you.

Thank you all, I hadn’t thought about the health visitor! I’ve only met her once!

@ChristmasChair yes DP is great, but he is not aware of the full extent of things, he has depression and anxiety and I don’t want to add to his mental
load Anymore.
baby is good she has some feeding challenges and lots of allergies but we’re working through it and she’s happy on the whole