Daughter struggling after death of gran

[Mumsworried]

Hi all,
hoping for a bit of advice. My mum had a terminal cancer diagnosis but things seemed ok ish. Within a few days she deteriorated, became unconscious and died 8 days later. My mum had decided to stay with my family to help her manage a bit better. We thought (including her) that things would continue as normal for a good while, we had made some plans of what we were going to do.

I have 2 kids, my 7 year-old is really struggling. I myself had an awful time in the days before she passed and since then. My daughter struggled to understand and I’m not sure I explained to her what was really going on. The kids knew she was very sick- district nurses in several times a
day etc but we just tried keeping everything normal for them.

my girl was very close to her gran, they had a great relationship but near the end mum was a bit short with her and she was really confused.
my daughter is angry, confused and devastated.

I gave her a diary yesterday so she could write her feelings down and if she wants to share them then we can talk through it. I was cleaning her room and she’s drawn on the outside of it and I don’t know what to do or say to her😭 my heart is broken for her? Does anyone have any advice please.? I tried contacting child bereavement but the are closed for holidays 😭

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my DM in September and my 7 yo was very upset. He still gets a bit teary when we talk about her. She knew she was dying and gave me a copy of Badger's Parting Gifts to read to my DC after she'd gone and it went down well. It's a good story to remind children that the person may have gone but their legacy lives on. It's helped me actually!

Have a look at Winston's Wish. They open again on the 29th and there are useful pointers on the website.

I don't think it would be much good for kids (bit grown up) but I find listening to Grief cast very therapeutic. Might help you x

Sorry for your loss

I’m really sorry for the loss your family has experienced. I recently lost my gran as well, and even as a woman in my 30’s it was devastating - I cannot imagine what it would have been like losing her as a child. I think as with any sort of grief, the main thing is to be patient and give it time. Could you perhaps create something in memoriam of your mum? A photo in a corner of your daughters room or just a spot in the garden where your daughter could go and sit to feel like they are able to still talk to gran? Maybe talk to your daughter about things your mum liked or that they liked to do together and put mementos in that corner or a keepsake box for her to look at when she feels like it?

Your daughter has drawn a ghost ascending, smiling happily. Does she think Gran has gone to heaven and will be happy there? Perhaps that's a way in.to talking things over with your DD.

That's exactly what I was thinking Sammy. The ghost does look very happy and that would be a lol very way of starting the conversation with her.

This isn't abnormal. It's sad when people die, children grieve too. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with her.

So sorry for all of your loss, it must have been such a shock.

Hi, thanks for replies. I freaked out at first when I saw this but u guys have explained it better than I could. I couldn’t even see that was just really upset that she had done it. We are not a religious family but I’m happy if that brings her comfort. I explained that although gran had wanted to stay here, she was in agony and now she was at peace. Honestly my whole world fell apart when she died and I honestly believe looking at it that I had failed my daughter. Xx

My DD had grief counselling after the loss of my grandmother (she was 7 at the time of the loss). They gave her a paperback version of this book which really helped her.

shop.winstonswish.org/products/muddles-puddles-and-sunshine