Tips for surviving depression with young children?

[Hevasparkle]

Hi,
i am reaching out to see if anyone could share experiences of suffering from depression with young children. I am mid thirties and have had on/off depression and anxiety since childhood, at varying levels. I am medicated with fluoxetine and also have had lots of therapy. This has really helped calming the anxiety and this is now manageable and has enabled me to function so much better, however I suffer awfully with depression still.

I spend a lot of my along time crying, or when DC (5&6) and DH are with me I am trying to hide how upset I am. I can’t really say why I’m crying, I just feel very low and wish I didn’t have to keep going with life. Although I have attempted suicide many years ago, I don’t think it will come to that again as I’m a mum now and I understand the impact on DC. I lost my own dad at a young age so I couldn’t imagine putting my own DC through this. But I do sometimes kick myself for marrying and having children when I knew I was susceptible to this. My own mum was very depressed when I was growing up at it was honestly awful. I don’t want this for my DC and I can’t believe I have turned out this way. I had a good few years before my oldest was born and I’d really thought it was all behind me. I am permanently exhausted and lack energy, though my bloods and iron levels have always returned normal.

today is Christmas Day and I’ve spent so much of it tearful, down and just wanting to sleep all day. Unfortunately this reflects much of my time spent at home, but it’s hit home today as it should have been a happy day for DC. They don’t seem to have noticed luckily but of course children pick up on these things and it must affect them in some shape or other and I wish I knew what to do to improve how I feel. My well-being is their well-being. I am also sorry for DH. I can’t tell him how bad I really feel because he will be terrified and very stressed by it all. He comes from a family where MH issues are not discussed nor are they accepted as a reality for many people.

I am very sociable, extroverted and probably appear quite confident on the outside. I think lots of people would be shocked to know how depressed I am.

things I have try that may help:

-eating very healthily and no alcohol

• walks (though more difficult with dark nights)
• absorbing myself in work and study. I’m a trainee mental health nurse and I do really enjoy this despite the challenges.
• seeing friends whose company I enjoy
• watching comedies
• Distraction
• DIY

has anybody any words of wisdom to share please? I know there’s no cure all but it can help to share experiences. i am desperate to feel even a bit better. If it was just me it wouldn’t be such an issue but I really want to be a bit more well for my family.

Hi OP. I don't think I can be of much help but maybe it might make you feel better to know you're not the only one, because most of what you wrote in your post describes me perfectly. Most people would never guess how bad I feel because I'm so confident and extroverted.

Half of my anxiety comes from how my depression may be affecting my children.

One thing I will say is that medication helped me a LOT, so if yours isn't doing that, then maybe it's not a very good medication for you? Like, I used to cry every day and struggle to deal with the negative emotions, now with the drugs I'm on, I feel kind of numb, which isn't great but at least I think it's less impactful on my kids than when I was just spiralling into despair every day.

I also run. It sounds cliché but it does help clear my head. Sometimes I really feel too lazy to do it but when I make myself, I'm always glad I did. When I feel myself spirally, I run a 5k and it's not like I come back feeling full of happiness and joy, but I'm out of that spiral at least.

Thanks for your responses guys. It always does help to know you aren’t alone, although I’m very sorry for how you are feeling. It’s awful.

What medication are you on if you feel ok to share? Mine works wonders for anxiety but doesn’t really touch the depression.

I think you need to get back to the doctors and perhaps try a new medication. You do not need to just put up with whatever your given first. My Husband has been on fluxotine, citalopram and currently sertraline over the years. They wax and wain in effectiveness and so changing up every few years seems to help stability.

I also believe you need to engage a therapist. You will not get better through medication alone. My husband is only just accepting this idea and has this first session in the new year. You need to understand why.

You also need to talk to your husband and explain how your feeling. You can't do this completely alone.

Vortioxetine. I think it's not very commonly prescribed in the UK for some reason.

I really wish I could. He’s got his own issues though and I have to be supportive of him. We also get little time to actually sit down and talk. talking to others though, like on here, really helps.
I agree therapy can be very good, under the right circumstances. Though I’d be interested to hear if your OH does anything day to day that helps him? And well done you for being such a supportive partner

No op, you have to be supportive of each other. That's how marriage is supposed to work. You hold each other up and walk together through life.

You need to find a quiet moment when the children are in bed to talk to him. It will be hard to start with, but he loves you yes? He will want to help you.

It can be helpful to have a couple of practical things in mind he can do to help at first, such as helping you get some free time each week for example or if you can afford it agreeing to hire a cleaner or whatever thing you think would help support you and take abut of the weight off.

We are here too of course but nothing beats knowing your partner has your back.

As for DH self care, it mostly involves exercise and me getting up with the kids sometimes so that he can sleep in (he sleeps very poorly, which doesn't help his mental state - there's a reason sleep deprivation is used as a torture method)

He takes himself away for a night or two a couple of times a year backpacking in the peaks. Apparently roughing it with next to no comforts is enjoyable 😂 he always comes back from. Those trips visibly refreshed.

In return i get a whole 3 night weekend to myself in the summer when he takes the boys camping and the odd Groupon Spa day 😉

Feeling supported really does make the world of difference op. Talk to your husband.