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My behaviour is driving my family apart

5 replies

Expectationtoohigh · 24/12/2022 09:06

I don't know where to begin because everything is a mess.
I have been with my partner for 5 years now and we have 4 young children aged between 3 and 11 months.
He has always been a drinker, never abusive but can get nasty when things don't go his way. I used to love having a drink too until I had my children. I suffered very bad postnatal depression after our middle children were born which resulted in me being hospitalised after attempting to take my own life. This has gotten better over time but I still suffer high bouts of anxiety at times. I am no longer on any medication and have been doing really well.
Over the past few months though my partner drinking began to spiral out of control and this affected us alot. He was going out saying he would be half hour not coming back for hours on end. He'd lie to me repeatedly etc. This led to us almost ending our relationship but we talked it all through he went to AA for guidance and things have gotten better once again. Then last night he decided to have a drink with his mum and dad for Christmas which I didn't have a problem with or so I thought. I saw him with one drink and my whole sense of reasoning went out of the window. I couldn't take it I couldn't bare the idea of going back to how we were 2 months ago when we were at breaking point and I told him this. Now my telling him this which he has taken as me having a go at him and has resulted in us having the worst argument we have ever had. We have both said things that. I then spent the majority of the night contemplating my life and sat with a knife in my hand just wanting to end it all. He said I'm narcissistic but ivectold him I'm scared for him and our family. He said if I'm thats scared to leave him. I have referred myself back to the mental health team but I just don't know what to do. I love him with all my heart and he I'd the best dad but I just feel so lost and have no one to talk to about any of this.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 24/12/2022 10:34

Your partner's behaviour is driving the family apart, not you.

He's a nasty drunk, a liar, and can't be trusted. Not the "best dad" is he?

When you saw him with that drink, all the memories of what he's done in the past flooded back along with a totally rational fear that he's backtracked.

For now, take (many) deep breaths, get through Christmas and think about what you want for your future and the future of your children.

VioletLemon · 24/12/2022 10:42

OP, your partner is the problem. Do his parents understand he's tried AA, do they realise the extent of his problem. I'm imagining they wouldn't want to do anything to encourage your mental health to be impacted or to hurt your DC.

Your partner sounds in complete denial and quite abusive too. It can't end well like this. Your 4 DC are priority but your MH needs adressedd. You did the right thing re referring but to me it sounds like you need crisis team support. Can you get that today via phone contact or even call Samaritans.

Your DP is gaslighting you. You must tread carefully as you look after your health. Can you parents help?

ghjklo · 24/12/2022 10:45

sounds like he was the cause of the PND op! Get rid, get some support elsewhere if you can.

tanstaafl · 24/12/2022 11:13

He has always been a drinker, never abusive but can get nasty when things don't go his way

how to say abuser trying not to say abuser

Expectationtoohigh · 24/12/2022 11:41

VioletLemon · 24/12/2022 10:42

OP, your partner is the problem. Do his parents understand he's tried AA, do they realise the extent of his problem. I'm imagining they wouldn't want to do anything to encourage your mental health to be impacted or to hurt your DC.

Your partner sounds in complete denial and quite abusive too. It can't end well like this. Your 4 DC are priority but your MH needs adressedd. You did the right thing re referring but to me it sounds like you need crisis team support. Can you get that today via phone contact or even call Samaritans.

Your DP is gaslighting you. You must tread carefully as you look after your health. Can you parents help?

His parents know he's been going to AA but are too laid back about everything. They will say that he needs to slow down or stop etc but do nothing to actively help him unless he was to ask then too. I don't think they really understand how much my mental health has declined and when I try to say things all I get is that there is no way they will side with me because they are his mum and dad and that I'm just embarrassing myself.
I have debated the crisis team but I just want to push myself through the next couple of days for my children. They are the only things that keep me from throwing everything away. I know I couldn't not see their little faces ever again.
My parents are no help to anyone, they live in their own bubble. I live 2 hours away dlfrom them and I don't drive yet they only come to visit us if they get pushed into doing it. I have a brother who has never met his 11 month old niece even though we went to visit them 2 days ago. He decided to go out with his friends instead. I have no support whatsoever 😢

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