Am I a conspiracy theorist?

[butchersshrink]

I grew up with very racist family. Dad going into really poisonous ramblings about slavery/immigration. I've also heard him talk about killing all babies born with special needs as they're 'no good to society'.

Over the years I've come to learn so much with no thanks whatsoever to my parents. Things about the environment, gender equality, racism and mental health.

My mum will say that she doesn't know why all these 14 'groupies' are coming forward about sexual abuse when they wanted it. Similarly I recently tried opening up to my sister about my childhood sexual abuse and of one event in particular when I was around 14/15 and the family member in question was 36. She said she remembered an 'I loved it'. Tried explaining how he had groomed me and she was having none of it.

They don't believe in diagnosises such as ADHD and think that it's just an excuse. This is particularly painful because I believe I have this. My dad remarks about overweight people all the time and how they are a drain on the NHS etc yet he smokes and drinks daily.

The thing is. They make ME feel like I'm the one who crazy. That my views are extremist and that I'm becoming a 'snowflake'. I'm a nervous wreck when it comes to my family.

Please assure me that I'm not buying into a wrong way of thinking? I am so confused. I grew up with their views but I feel such a pull to mine. I always think, what are you talking about, why is there so much literature/media coverage/evidence? But as always, I doubt myself when it comes to them.

Sorry. Some of that may come off abit confusing but I was shaking as I was writing it. They're making me crazy.

And what further causes me to doubt myself is that my husband agrees with me to an extent but then he tells me that I'm a 'snowflake' too if I ask him to speak to our daughters in a certain way and not be so strict. I feel like maybe I am an extremist but I've had a lifetime of people being so vicious to others.

Name change fail there.

No you’re right
they sound awful
are they adding anything positive to your life?

maybe after Christmas (or before!) think about pulling back and being free to think your own thoughts for a while and see if you are still quite so stressed

you’re stressed now because you can see logic, but you’ve been told all your life to trust and believe in them. What you can see plainly with your own eyes and understand with your own brain doesn’t match up to what you are being told and have been told over and over again. It’s an internal conflict.
if you get some breathing space from them I imagine it will calm down slightly. Try to mix with other people more and get a sense check maybe.

Thank you. You're right. I think because I've done all my learning through going back to college and through platforms like Mumsnet that I'm doubting myself. I don't have any friends really and the ones I do are from my early adulthood who are of the same thought process as my family. I think I need to meet new types of people to build my self esteem and confidence in what I believe.

I think you need professional therapy here. You've been subjected to a form of brainwashing your whole life! It doesn't sound like it's helping you now. I would even think about going NC with people like this. Please try to get professional help to help you sort out your head so you can see things from an objective viewpoint.

I really do need therapy. I'm so frightened. I feel like I've been instilling all the right things into my children and now I'm having a serious wobble thinking I am too woke. I feel like a child not a woman.

Similarly I recently tried opening up to my sister about my childhood sexual abuse and of one event in particular when I was around 14/15 and the family member in question was 36. She said she remembered an 'I loved it'. Tried explaining how he had groomed me and she was having none of it.

She is wrong. She is clueless about how it all happens. Of course you were groomed and that is awful. 💐💐💐

OP try not to be frightened, it is scary going into therapy and tough going but ultimately it will help you heal and in your case it sounds 100% necessary. I would give yourself some headspace from your family for a bit as far as you can, to give yourself the space to find some strength to get some support if you can.

Thank you all. I just needed one other person to tell me I'm not crazy and delusional. It has helped to ground me. I think I was having a panic attack.

I agree, it's not you, it's them, and therapy would help.

Where does your DH fit into this picture? At what point in your life did you meet him? Calling you a snowflake for having boundaries around your children sounds a bit like he's subtly reinforcing the messages from your family.

I know people like this and you can’t challenge them, because they only have stock phrases and no concrete evidence for their thinking.

They are small minded and have limited interactions with real people.

I sometimes wonder if it’s some sort of jealously?

Well done for pulling yourself away from their views
That takes real courage
And time

You actually come across as very level headed and decent. I agree some therapy would probably help sort through what happened in the past (including your sister's denial of obvious abuse) and you'll also see more clearly that there's brainwashing at play here with your family, in addition to general right wing arseholery.

Sounds like you are doing good by your children, so just keep it up and try and believe in yourself a bit more.

They are wrong. Their views are stunted, stupid, and depressing.

Your H also sounds unpleasant.

Yes to meeting new people, opening your horizons further and getting some therapy.

You are on the right path and the further along you get, the clearer you will see how toxic and unkind they are.

Keep going! I’m rooting for you.

You are very courageous confronting all this and other ways of thinking. Agree, therapy will really help you here. Please don't feel crazy. You are really not!

Thank you everyone. The logical part of my mind has come back to the forefront. I know their views are disgusting and I can't entertain them anymore. I will keep low level contact while I try some therapy to try and protect myself from feeling in the wrong.

Hope you're feeling a bit better today OP. 💐💐

Stay strong!

Thank you @gghjklo I am feeling a little better. I'm just a little on edge but that's nothing new for me. Contacted a therapist local to me so should hear back after the Christmas period. Merry Christmas everyone!

I'm what could be called woke too but I'm happy, at least you're not racist or have prejudiced views.
People use snowflake etc as an insult when they don't know what else to say.

Thank you @SommerTen. I've had some time to reflect and I also like being 'woke'. It makes me feel safe and happy and that my children who have sen are seen. We don't want special treatment we just want to help others and be accepted. The family I grew up with can stew in their hate. They made me feel nothing but shame growing up, just for seeing the injustice in the world and trying to discuss it in a healthy and normal manner. Happy Christmas to ALL and thank you for the kind words.

They sound absolutely awful OP :( I was subjected to the grooming gangs from 13-16, and the attitude at the time was that we all 'loved it' and that's why we kept going back. Nothing about the threats, or coercive control etc. It makes me sick to think people can think like that. YOU are not in the wrong. X

Your family sound very challenging with appalling views, which will be partly to make them feel better about an abusive and secretive family culture.

I hope you can limit the time you spend with them, and that you can create the career and family life you want. You’ve done a great job so far so that bodes well.

@GoT1904

I’m so sorry you experienced this too. It’s so appalling. I hope you are at least now getting some support.

Thank you for your words @Luredbyapomegranate

I'm sorry you've experienced the absolute soul shattering abuse by the adults around you too @GoT1904 ... there's nothing like the shame of feeling you were responsible or to blame for what happened to you.