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Original poster

Christmas with severe depression

22 replies

daisyji · 18/12/2022 21:33

Hello, I would be so grateful to any survival tips, stories from anyone who has got through Christmas when really depressed. I had a sudden breakdown in September, although the severe anxiety is less, the depression is just so awful. I've got two lovely children age 13 and 6, elderly parents who are so worried and think I'm doing better and DH who is trying his best but says things like 'you are not in the Ukraine' when I say how worried I am. I know I'm fortunate etc and I'm trying so hard to be grateful, write gratitude lists etc. I've had a really bad reaction to 3 anti - depressants, and I've been advised by my GP not to try anymore. I've got a background of chronic pain, but I've always coped really well. I've gone from being a busy, professional mum to basically a recluse. I can't face work or seeing anyone or doing anything. My best friend died a few years ago and I suddenly feel so isolated and lonely, but totally unable to do anything about it. I'm so worried about Christmas as I feel like I've lost my personality and usually good cooking skills. It's literally like I'm under a black cloud and I can't get out. I've lost pleasure / enjoyment in everything and I'm really struggling to cope. The school holidays seem so long without me being able to organise stuff for my children. I want my teenage son to be able to have his friend's round to the house, but I'm worried they will think I seem odd compared to usual and I'm pathetically scared of seeing their parents, I feel so ashamed of who I've become.. I'm so quiet and feel like I've lost all my social skills. I literally can't get up in the morning and dressing feels like a massive ordeal. Has anyone recovered who's been this bad? Please will anyone reassure me that they got through this and got themselves back etc. Apologies for the long, bleak post xx

OP posts:
badassbaby · 18/12/2022 21:38

daisyji · 18/12/2022 21:33

Hello, I would be so grateful to any survival tips, stories from anyone who has got through Christmas when really depressed. I had a sudden breakdown in September, although the severe anxiety is less, the depression is just so awful. I've got two lovely children age 13 and 6, elderly parents who are so worried and think I'm doing better and DH who is trying his best but says things like 'you are not in the Ukraine' when I say how worried I am. I know I'm fortunate etc and I'm trying so hard to be grateful, write gratitude lists etc. I've had a really bad reaction to 3 anti - depressants, and I've been advised by my GP not to try anymore. I've got a background of chronic pain, but I've always coped really well. I've gone from being a busy, professional mum to basically a recluse. I can't face work or seeing anyone or doing anything. My best friend died a few years ago and I suddenly feel so isolated and lonely, but totally unable to do anything about it. I'm so worried about Christmas as I feel like I've lost my personality and usually good cooking skills. It's literally like I'm under a black cloud and I can't get out. I've lost pleasure / enjoyment in everything and I'm really struggling to cope. The school holidays seem so long without me being able to organise stuff for my children. I want my teenage son to be able to have his friend's round to the house, but I'm worried they will think I seem odd compared to usual and I'm pathetically scared of seeing their parents, I feel so ashamed of who I've become.. I'm so quiet and feel like I've lost all my social skills. I literally can't get up in the morning and dressing feels like a massive ordeal. Has anyone recovered who's been this bad? Please will anyone reassure me that they got through this and got themselves back etc. Apologies for the long, bleak post xx

That sounds so difficult.
Surely your doctor has other solutions for you?
My lovely dd suffered from depression, and telling her how lucky she was in comparison with other people definitely didn't help!
Have you looked into therapy?
My dd has had it for two years and it's helped enormously x

Shushkajj · 18/12/2022 21:38

I am so sorry you are feeling like this. I've been through this before and it is possible to come out the other side. Christmas is an especially intense time and it can increase the pressure to make every positive. You don't have

Puzzledstill · 18/12/2022 21:39

This was me a few years ago I had no motivation to do anything I heard to lie in bed all day long, lost my job didn’t eat it went in for quite some time until my sister persuaded me to talk to a doctor

Moomoola · 18/12/2022 21:41

Same. I struggled for years, still do. But therapy helped enormously. I can recommend someone if you pm me.

Shushkajj · 18/12/2022 21:42

Oops I hit send to early! You don't have to be there to greet son's friend or parents. They often prefer us ( kids I mean) not to be there or low key. Be kind to yourself and know you are not alone xxxx

Original poster
daisyji · 18/12/2022 21:51

thank you Moomoola I've pm'd you. And thank you everyone for the support. really kind x

OP posts:
Austin7 · 19/12/2022 20:08

Hi - I read your message and wanted to reach out to you....I'm in a similar position with adult children coming home and I'm totally dreading hosting christmas. My 91 year old mum died a few months ago and I thought I'd got over it but I just can't stop crying and having overwhelming bouts of panic. I feel like everyone around me is slowly losing patience with me.

I just wanted to let you know I understand some of how you feel - you aren't alone although it feels like it. Well meaning friends have told me to 'count my blessings' and that makes me feel more ashamed of how I feel.
You will get through this....and I think when you're feeling low that feels so hard to believe.

Hope you feel a little better for posting... it really helped me to read your post as when I look at other people they seem to be so much happier than me.
So thanks for your honesty.

user922218 · 19/12/2022 20:21

I have no real advice to give. There's something about your post though, you sound like such a lovely person. There's something so kind in how it's written you need to show yourself some of that kindness.

Dogsarebetterthanhumans · 19/12/2022 20:55

Oh my love, I have been where you are and I can promise that you will come out of it even though you can’t see it right now. You just have to try and believe all those above who have all come out of this; and you will too.

Seems a bit short-sighted that your GP has told you to give up on medication following some adverse reactions. There are many types of medication that can be used in many different and clever ways. I imagine as GPs sadly don’t have that much training in mental health, he/she is running a little bit scared. The way the system works is that Consultants tend to be the ones who can do the more bolder prescribing and then the GPs can then issue prescriptions with their support. I would revisit your GP and say if they don’t feel comfy with any more medication, can they refer you to the Consultant Psychiatrists? You will get a really thorough assessment and much more tailored treatment under their care, including therapy if you need it.

this will pass. Hold on to that. Xxx

LeafHunter · 19/12/2022 21:01

I remember feeling that way. Private therapy worked for me. Took a while to find the right therapist and had to sacrifice other stuff to pay but it was right for me

LittleBowSheep · 19/12/2022 21:21

I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling like this. I don't think your DH is being particularly helpful by his comments. Explain to him that depression is a medical condition: it occurs when the brain stops producing serotonin. It's not just because you feel a bit fed up with life or anything like that. He needs to understand the cause.

Anti-depressants give you the serotonin that your brain is not producing. It often does take a while to find the type that's right for you, we're all different.

I know it's easier said than done but try not to put yourself under too much pressure, especially over Christmas. Spread the chores as much as you can so it's not all down to you. You will get through this but sometimes it does take time. Take one day at a time.

LemonAndLimeTree · 19/12/2022 21:35

That sounds really tough OP. I’ve been through very bad times and have come out the other side. In your shoes I wouldn’t give up on medication. There are lots of different types available. Can you tell your GP how you are feeling and ask for a referral to your local community mental health team? They will have specialist nurses or drs with expertise in treating depression along with other support which it sounds like you need.

Noonesperfect · 20/12/2022 06:05

You are not pathetic, and things will get better. Praise yourself for everything you manage to do each day, from getting out of bed, dressing, cleaning your teeth. I know from experience everything feels like a mountain to climb in the midst of depression. If you can try to get out of the house for a little walk each day, being outside and especially round nature can be therapeutic. Hold on there, and be kind to yourself. If you can afford to pay for a private psychiatric appointment then you might be able to try an alternative medication to help. Routing for you OP.

Hohohoholidays · 20/12/2022 06:30

How old are you? Just wondering if HRT might help? I have a few friends that have started to suffer badly from depression and HRT has really helped x

SMUnz · 20/12/2022 06:40

Hey OP I’ve felt those feelings. My world became SO small it was as big as my house and that was it. I wondered if my energy/motivation/confidence would ever come back. It felt as though each day my world was smaller. And I didn’t even really want it to be bigger. I don’t think my children saw me anything other than loungewear for about a year maybe more….the one thing I started doing was walk to get a takeaway coffee whilst listening to a podcast (took my brain away from thoughts, nature, fresh air, exercise, and a treat all in one)…admittedly some days I’d be dragging my felt along the ground and after about ten steps I gave up and came back..but that’s ok. Anyway…something changed..and the world started getting bigger again bit by bit…kind of a virtuous circle rather than the vicious circle. Can’t really say what changed, but it did happen one day. At least please don’t despair that you will ALWAYS feel this way, that’s one worry you don’t need.

Original poster
daisyji · 20/12/2022 22:11

Austin7 · 19/12/2022 20:08

Hi - I read your message and wanted to reach out to you....I'm in a similar position with adult children coming home and I'm totally dreading hosting christmas. My 91 year old mum died a few months ago and I thought I'd got over it but I just can't stop crying and having overwhelming bouts of panic. I feel like everyone around me is slowly losing patience with me.

I just wanted to let you know I understand some of how you feel - you aren't alone although it feels like it. Well meaning friends have told me to 'count my blessings' and that makes me feel more ashamed of how I feel.
You will get through this....and I think when you're feeling low that feels so hard to believe.

Hope you feel a little better for posting... it really helped me to read your post as when I look at other people they seem to be so much happier than me.
So thanks for your honesty.

Austin 7 - I'm so sorry for your loss. It takes ages to get past such a loss. Thinking of you. It's so hard thinking everyone is happier. Thank you for reaching out x

OP posts:
Original poster
daisyji · 20/12/2022 22:12

user922218 · 19/12/2022 20:21

I have no real advice to give. There's something about your post though, you sound like such a lovely person. There's something so kind in how it's written you need to show yourself some of that kindness.

Thank you, that's such a lovely thing to say x

OP posts:
Original poster
daisyji · 20/12/2022 22:15

SMUnz · 20/12/2022 06:40

Hey OP I’ve felt those feelings. My world became SO small it was as big as my house and that was it. I wondered if my energy/motivation/confidence would ever come back. It felt as though each day my world was smaller. And I didn’t even really want it to be bigger. I don’t think my children saw me anything other than loungewear for about a year maybe more….the one thing I started doing was walk to get a takeaway coffee whilst listening to a podcast (took my brain away from thoughts, nature, fresh air, exercise, and a treat all in one)…admittedly some days I’d be dragging my felt along the ground and after about ten steps I gave up and came back..but that’s ok. Anyway…something changed..and the world started getting bigger again bit by bit…kind of a virtuous circle rather than the vicious circle. Can’t really say what changed, but it did happen one day. At least please don’t despair that you will ALWAYS feel this way, that’s one worry you don’t need.

So sorry you've been through it, but thank you so much for sharing it with me, really need hope that 'this too shall pass' so thank you x

OP posts:
Original poster
daisyji · 20/12/2022 22:17

Dogsarebetterthanhumans · 19/12/2022 20:55

Oh my love, I have been where you are and I can promise that you will come out of it even though you can’t see it right now. You just have to try and believe all those above who have all come out of this; and you will too.

Seems a bit short-sighted that your GP has told you to give up on medication following some adverse reactions. There are many types of medication that can be used in many different and clever ways. I imagine as GPs sadly don’t have that much training in mental health, he/she is running a little bit scared. The way the system works is that Consultants tend to be the ones who can do the more bolder prescribing and then the GPs can then issue prescriptions with their support. I would revisit your GP and say if they don’t feel comfy with any more medication, can they refer you to the Consultant Psychiatrists? You will get a really thorough assessment and much more tailored treatment under their care, including therapy if you need it.

this will pass. Hold on to that. Xxx

Thank you so much x

OP posts:
Original poster
daisyji · 20/12/2022 22:21

Such kind messages of support from people I don't know. I'm really touched - thank you so much. So good to have hope that we can recover from such lows x

OP posts:
Original poster
daisyji · 20/12/2022 22:22

Shushkajj · 18/12/2022 21:42

Oops I hit send to early! You don't have to be there to greet son's friend or parents. They often prefer us ( kids I mean) not to be there or low key. Be kind to yourself and know you are not alone xxxx

thank you I'm being brave lol and letting my son have a friend round on Thursday x

OP posts:
Whywhywhywhy3 · 20/12/2022 22:33

I'm so sorry you are struggling so badly. I can relate - I have been going through a tough time recently too. It's awful and I can only offer solidarity.

What antidepressants have you tried? There are many different types, I'm surprised your GP has given up after 3 tries. Could you ask a different GP for their advice?

Could you possibly afford private counselling? I see one via Zoom every 2-3 weeks. It's £45 a session but I've been seeing her for 18 months now and it really helps. It feels like such a comfort to have someone who knows everything about me and all my struggles and is there to listen and offer support.

You say your parents think you're doing better - do you keep from them how you're really feeling so they don't worry? I do this. But it makes me feel worse. I think being honest with your loved ones, even if it's hard and they react badly, feels better than pretending you're ok when you're not. ❤️

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