insecure, paranoid, low self worth

[chorusline79]

I really want to change and wondering if anyone has any advice on how to approach this.
I'm a 41 year old people pleaser and have spent my life never feeling good enough or worthy of friendships and relationships. I have a close friend who I have supported through some rough times, but lately she's started to snap at me and I feel paranoid I've done something to upset her and it's causing me anxiety and making me feel again that I'm not good enough, as friendships in the past I have ended up in this situation, and I often make friends with people who need me for emotional support and I don't know why.
In my work life too I constantly question myself and if I am any good at my job, and worry if I make a little mistake that my boss thinks im rubbish. I feel like my insecurity impacts my performance as I overthink everything and just feel like im the weakest link constantly.

I don't know if I need to have some therapy or what to do, as I feel like it's making me unhappy. Has anyone overcome this? I did have a difficult childhood with a bipolar mother ( sectioned when I was 8 for the first time) and a narcissistic father who I could never please.
I want to make a change for me, and for my kids. Any advice really gratefully received.

Yes, you can change but first it's really helpful to understand why you think and behave the way you do. Starting at the beginning, a baby is 100% selfish - it doesn't give a damn what people think of it, just that it's own needs are met. As a child grows it becomes aware of the people around it and learns how to adapt it's behaviour in order to survive and be happy. So, if it grows up in a household where the best strategy is to be quiet, compliant, a people pleaser and not make any demands that behaviour becomes hard wired as a "core belief" and will form the basis of the adult behaviour. From your description that's where you are now.

This article is great at explaining core beliefs - www.betterrelationships.org.au/well-being/core-beliefs-self-acceptance

Can they be changed? Yes. There are lots of different therapies that will help you to change, I would recommend remedial hypnosis to connect directly with the parts of your subconscious mind which still work on the strategies of the child and get them to change but that's because it's what I do. Others will have different recommendations. Have a look at the list of books I posted - the Counselling for Toads is excellent.

ahhh OP you can change this. I think this type of process could help you:

Find out what you believe about yourself/life that's negative
Make yourself feel better by replacing negative beliefs with positive ones
Getting to a place where you start believing in your new positive beliefs
Having that positive perception of yourself will change your behaviour
Actively change your behaviour to more healthy ones
When you start acting and thinking differently your emotions will improve

It's basically cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy.

Thankyou both so much for replying, both posts are hugely helpful and make a lot of sense. @Eyesopenwideawake the core beliefs stuff you posted - I feel that this is fundamentally at the root of my issues. How would I go about the hypnosis? Would I just search for someone locally?

Happy to send you a list of Control System practitioners; they all do the same "no trance" work so you're awake and aware throughout and most offer a free initial consultation.

@Eyesopenwideawake
Yes please

Could you have c-PTSD?

Sent 😊