Going to battle on and make new friends, but how?

[stirling]

I have been through hell on earth in the past several years, too much to go into and to be honest it doesn't really help bringing it up repeatedly, even with therapists. I feel like I have two choices. To give up, which I couldn't do because I am a single mum, so not really a choice - or to soldier on. I would love to take ADs and soldier on, but because of a particular health problem I cant tolerate any AD.

The thing that is breaking me down so much is how cruel and nasty people have become. I have especially noticed this since the first pandemic. Text messages are ignored by everyone - and this seems to be the norm. I can wish someone that I don't know particularly well a happy Christmas and a good break, but not receive a response. And this is just bog standard.

I have always been 'nice' and helpful, warm and considerate and where a lot of people abused this, I always had my closest friends by my side. In recent years - they have changed. One tried to literally muscle in and steal my business off from me, the other has turned cold because he is busy having an affair. I don't recognise these people anymore.

I know others have mentioned that the pandemic has changed people but it is scarying me. I do have hope though. I am determined to find a few good people out there in real life. Mumsnet is a tremendous support for me but I long to have a real friend again.

I cant knit else I would join a group. How do I find a close friend? Are there specific apps? Meetups look good but it all seems a bit superficial - reminds me of the days when I used to do Adult Education evening classes back in the 90s. Never really made any real friends.

I work from home, and unfortunately - my clientele are parents. They were so lovely, grateful and warm pre-pandemic. All changed! It's bizarre.

Thanks for any advice

I think you're doing the right thing by trying to meet new people BUT I think trying to make a 'close' friend or expecting certain behaviours from other people is leading you open to disappointment.

You can't make anyone find extra time for you, to always be able to / want to reply to messages etc. heaven knows we are all busy enough and some people just hate texting! But you CAN be pleased when someone does reply, rather than being fed up when someone doesn't. If you stop expecting it, it does make it nicer when it happens. I think you'll make new friends but probably only when you're a bit more relaxed about it.

Frolo and Peanut apps might be good for you.

I think you might need to not set out to find a close friend, but find a variety of friends who can meet different needs. E.g. you might find a friend you love to do kids play dates with, another friend you might like to do adult nights out with, another friend who’s good at emotional stuff or listening well, another one who’s good at having lighthearted fun with etc.

thank you both, good advice

If I sounded harsh I didn't mean to - it's more hard learned experience. The previous poster is right - it's about finding and enjoying friends for who they already are. If I were you, I'd explore volunteering, and being open to having done older friends who perhaps have s bit more time. Young kids and busy jobs can inevitably make some people appear selfish, when its probably just self preservation!

tinselvestsparklepants thank you for taking a moment to clarify. Yes you're right, older people may have more time. I've found a couple of helpful sites online..