What does it feel like to be free of anxiety and depression?

[CaraVann]

I have suffered from one, the other or both together, all of my life (from a very small child).
I have had good times when I have felt free from its clutches and times when it has totally consumed me. I have felt particularly consumed for the last 6 or so years now, it doesn’t show any signs of subsiding and does in fact seem to be getting worse, despite trying everything (including antidepressants which exacerbate my IBS which is also a daily occurrence).
Life feels meaningless whilst I am under this cloud.
I could literally sit and stare at a wall all day long, then crawl into bed for the sweet relief of a restless sleep. The rest of the time I have to pretend to the world all is ok so wear my mask which says ‘I’m ok’.
What can I do to help ease this overwhelming feeling?
It is like wearing the same heavy coat (which is zipped up tight and strangling me), it’s on me all day, every day, it feels heavy and constricted.
I long to feel light and free.
Have you freed yourself from the constraints of poor mental health? How does it feel? How to you feel now compared to your darkest days?

Psychotherapy was the way out for me. It was intensely painful but also the best thing I have ever done for myself. And it was long term, not just a few sessions. I needed to understand what was causing my depression and anxiety, rather than just treating the symptoms

From a maintenance point of view, exercise has helped me massively. Moving your body, releasing endorphins, challenging yourself in a healthy way - all just so brilliant for mind and body

I am in so much less pain these days. I am much calmer, more resilient, have more perspective on situations. I still get anxious, still get sad, still get angry, but I understand those feelings now and can make space for them. They are so much less raw and overwhelming than they used to be. I had to learn how to reparent myself, soothe myself, allow myself to feel what I was feeling. It's a process, and I'll probably be working on it to some degree for the rest of my life, and that's fine

It's very tough OP, and very painful, but life really can get better

Something I'm not sure I'll ever know. I've also experienced both since childhood. I am medicated though which has helped.

It feels calm and quiet and peaceful.

In hindsight, I suspect that my anxiety and depression weren't actually clinical conditions caused by faulty brain wiring but was in fact what I now call "shit life sydrome".

When I sorted my shit life so that it wasn't shit anymore, all my anxiety and depression went.

I guess what i'm trying to say is if your depression is caused by a shit life then its easy to change it. If it's caused by some kind of faulty brain chemistry then it isn't easy to change it but at least medication can numb the feeling.

I know it's a cliche, but exercise has been an enormous help. Not running marathons! But just absolutely forcing myself to get out of the house and go for a quick 20 minute walk, or do a gentle swim. The routine of it, plus leaving the house, and obviously the positive mental effects on your brain etc with hormones completely transformed my life.
My friends, who have been at all levels of the spectrum for mental health, are the same and none of them take antidepressants any more. They found it just numbed rather than fixed the cause which of course can be essential but wasn't a long term fix for them.
Just having "something" planned for the next day and having a hobby has really helped my friend and also my aunt who suffer terribly. One does crochet and embroidery, one does art sculptures.
I'm now pretty much ok but I know my triggers (stress is the biggest one)

Lottapianos that’s what I need, long term therapy but sadly I can’t afford it privately. I’ve had CBT and some counselling on the NHS, several times but 6 sessions each time just doesn’t help longer term. Things are so bad on the NHS, as we all know. I went to my GP a few weeks ago, all she could suggest is for me to call 111 and press option 2 when I feel very low!
JamSandle did you have to go through several medications until you found the right one for you? I’ve tried Sertraline, Citalopram and a few older style TCA’s but I’ve had bad reactions to all of them sadly.
I use the term ‘shit life syndrome’ a lot DenholmElliot11, I feel stuck right in the middle of it right now but I’ve had anxiety, overwhelm and depression since I was a small child, my life wasn’t shit then, so I’m really not sure what is causing it tbh.
I agree that exercise is great 123woop, I make myself take my dog out for at least 45-60 mins each day, I have to really push myself to go but God only knows how much worse I’d feel without it. I need a hobby but have a poor attention span and bore easily but will see something out for the new year, hopefully that may help.

The right dosage of fluoxetine is key for me

but other than that - the less work I have, the happier I am. Of course for most of us this means money.

don't give yourself any unnecessary crap to do either.

I have a poor attention span as well

I'm doing the scratch off pictures atm!

it took me a while to realise a hobby can be throwaway - not something that requires concentration or continuity.

What it feels like for me (after years of therapy) is when I wake up in the morning and do a mental scan of the day ahead, I think: ‘it will be fine’ rather then ‘agh’.

I have suffered from one, the other or both together, all of my life (from a very small child)

What was it about your childhood that caused it? Looking at the root is always the key to the cure.

Have a look at this video on anxiety and see if it resonates with you;

That’s one of my current problems EmmaAgain22, I went part time to help with my issues but as a result I now have money issues but need money to help pay for therapy etc which may help me and hopefully when I am better I can work more but it’s a vicious cycle.

I don't rate counselling and can't fathom paying for it, but if you benefit, that's great.

I have also had issues since childhood but I find the pills, the chemical balance, is the most important thing for me.

Bearing in mind I'm not a psych - do you enjoy your work? If you do, then more work may benefit you more than counselling. I seem to hear a lot of people questioning counselling now.

I don't enjoy work, but I think having issues for such a long time was key to some of my work decisions. I worked two jobs for most of my 20s because I knew it would all fall down at some point and thought it was important to drag myself through while I could.

There's a point on the pavement where I exit the station - I'd cross it and mentally punch the air for having lasted another day at work.

'I went to my GP a few weeks ago, all she could suggest is for me to call 111 and press option 2 when I feel very low!'

It's just totally appalling. That is not any kind of functional service. I work for the NHS myself and I'm sure that GP is only doing her best given the horrendous state of everything but it's honestly shameful. People are told to 'ask for help' and that's the response they get

Re 'shit life syndrome', it's a very good point. Anxiety and depression are perfectly normal and understandable responses to the unbearable situations that some people are living in. I did read recently that there is no evidence for the 'faulty wiring' or 'chemical imbalance' theories around depression - it's all to do with early childhood experiences, trauma, or a response to current circumstances

hope you're okay OP.

Long term therapy has helped me too. Massively. I can wake up with shit thoughts and let them go and get on with my day. I now fully understand that all my states are fleeting, even the most positive. I appreciate that therapy is expensive and hard to access but have you tried approaching a counselling college and having a student counsellor? They will be able to offer you far lower rates and you will be able to access long term therapy. In the meantime, I have found writing a diary really helpful. Massive cliché maybe but writing everything out without censor really helps me to release.

It feels fabulous. I have complex PTSD caused by obnoxious angry parents and exacerbated by a selfish uncaring husband.
One day I decided to go NC with all of them and move a long way away.
My life is great now all of the triggers for my depression and anxiety are no longer around.
I've had proper therapy on the NHS which I now have time for, a fantastic new job and a divorce. I have also made lots of new friends.
Its amazing how much better you feel when you sort out the important things in your life.

Shit life syndrome - ABSOLUTELY hearing you.

OP I feel you. I really hope you can find your way out ❤️

For me it was anxiety. Has been since childhood but came back with a vengeance post natally. Every day I would wake up feeling dread. Like the feeling of being at the airport and realising you've forgotten your passport, the sudden sinking feeling and panic and fight or flight. I couldn't shake it I would pace from room to room, really struggled being present for my kids as I was so agitated (they had everything they could wish for, I just couldn't give them my real self for very long as I was in panic mode)

What turned it around for me was finally finding the right medication and the right dose to calm the agitation, the path to this was not smooth. Before giving the medications a go I relied on alcohol a lot to drown out the panic. Not sustainable and pretty dangerous. The other game changer was cutting out people from my life who wanted more from me than I could give. It wasn't fair to either of us, then in constant disappointment and me resenting continual pressure. Negative all round. It was not done dramatically, just let things drift and die. I feel free.

The main difference now for the last 2,5 years is that when I wake up the first thing I feel is a knot of excitement, sometimes tiny, about what I am going to do that day. I remember realising when it first happened that I hadn't noticed it missing for a decade or so, it was that unmistakable anticipation of looking forward to something. Something totally everyday or banal but instead of dreading it and having to get through it, I found myself feeling the tingle of excitement of looking forward to it.

Really wish you all the best xx

EmmaAgain22 I have had lots of counselling too but have never found it of benefit, I just don’t know why that is though as it helps so many people.
I don’t enjoy working and never have but that’s for many reasons, mainly because I’ve never had confidence in myself to further any career choices so have only ever had jobs and never a rewarding career, I deeply regret that now as most of these ‘jobs’ keep me in a state of permanent boredom but my anxiety and depression has stopped me from perusing anything more interesting/rewarding and now, at 50 it’s too late as I have neither the money, time or frankly effort to give something my 100% attention. It will remain my biggest life regret.
Lottapianos I am very upset my GP dismissed my concerns over my very low mood, she made me feel like a fraud but I’m genuinely at the lowest I have ever been but I’m not surprised at her response.
Thank you EmmaAgain22, that means a lot.
coffeeisthebest I will look into that, thank you.
Thats amazing Bestcatmum, sounds wonderful. You must feel fantastic.
VoldemortsKitten I do think it’s time for me to try an experiment with medication.

Persuing