Over the past year and a half I have
married my husband in hospital.
lost Him to cancer 8 days later after a very short and traumatic illness
started a job in his old place 6 weeks later which because of ill health I’ve had to leave.
my mum was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer a year to the day dh died. She’s been extremely poorly with chemo and radio and now her cancer is inoperable.
my stepdads sister has been given 3 months to live after being diagnosed with the same cancer dh had.
im coping with 2 young adult dc with asd and adhd which is awful at times and my younger 2 children have anxiety, one has ptsd and the other is a school refuser (I’ve been threatened with Court by the LEA but I am engaging very closely with the school but I’m not getting anywhere
i have also developed a heart condition suspected lgl syndrome and am under liver broadgreen for investigation.
I am a mess, I’m so so agitated, I’m self harming, cuts all over my legs. I have ZERO support, it’s true that you lose friends after you lose a partner/dh, the people that were there T the beginning are now nowhere to be seen, even though I have been an emotional crutch to them in recent months.
I can’t stop moving my arms, legs, I’m so anxious, self harm is the only thing that calms me. My meds are crap, I’m in fluoxetine, amlodopine, ramepril, verapamil and the only thing that works a little is the odd sleeping pill. My legs are very swollen and my ankles so puffy and my weight gain is terrible My gp won’t change my meds or lower any doses because of me being under a consultant in Liverpool and I’m desperate. I feel so awful.
I’m not going to a and e, there’s a 24 hour wait to be seen anyway, I’ve rung the Samaritans which helped me earlier
but now it’s nightime, I can’t breath with panic and I’m having bad dreams too.
has anybody ever felt like this and what helped