Hi, was wondering if anyone could advise what to do as have just been turned down treatment for mental health. They won't put me on a course of cbt because in the assessment I told them about problems I have in my neighbourhood and they said that could undermine therapy. She was initially going to get a safeguarding check done but I don't meet the critera so am left with nothing.
I asked about counselling but she said that was very limited and for people with depression (so not me?). I said I think I may have ptsd and she asked if I get flashbacks which I don't so she has disregarded me for any treatment for the trauma (which I think is really adding to my problems).
I am really struggling, emotionally overwhelmed and feel like things are getting worse and I am getting more and more out of control. I keep having these breakdowns? not sure what to call it but am going through periods of days at a time where I completely lose the plot and and sense of reason. I walk about crying unable to stop myself - try to get out so the kids don't hear/see me in that state and walk about the woods literally howling. When I wake up out of the funk it is so embarrassing remembering the things I have done in those times. Have cried in the shop and in public quite regulary for months.
I have an impulse to hurt myself and ended up beating up my own head the other day. I still have some control - that time was really wanting to rip all my hair out and I knew I would regret it but am frightened i am loosing my handle on myself. Which is why I went to the doctors. If this is not depression then what is it? I was like this when a teen and used to bash my head against a wall and cut my wrists and finding myself feeling like this again. Its like emotions are too big to be physically bearable.
A few things have happened recently that have caused me to really fixate and obsess over past relationship abuse. Which is why I was hoping for some sort of help processing my past. Apart from flashbacks every thing else I have read about ptsd really fits. I think? I feel like a pathetic whiny idiot if the psychologist heard all the stuff I told her and I am unworthy of any treatment or help.
Does anyone recognise this kind of overwhelming feeling? I was wondering if some sort of medication would help if I can't access any support or therapy. Trying to hide it from my kids but not sure how well I am doing at that so any suggestions would be really appreciated.