Punched a door in frustration

[wandared]

The other day I was very emotional/ hormonal. I was talking to my husband who was being supportive, but I was overwhelmed by my emotions and went to the bathroom and punched the door in frustration.

I felt awful and gave him a hug and said sorry immediately.

Does anyone else get very angry/ frustrated at life sometimes? How do you cope when it builds up?

If your husband had done this everyone would tell you to leave.

Okay.

So should my husband leave me?

I'm not sure what you are saying really.

PP is saying that if the situation were reversed, your husband will be labeled a domestic abuser and you would be advised to leave him but not without first getting your ducks in a row, calling the police and logging the incident, calling victim support, getting a solicitor, take all his money, etc.

OP, this is on you to make this OK again, and to me I think that means apologising wholeheartedly to your partner, accepting that you have an anger management problem, and doing whatever you need to do about that. You need to know that you can control your anger, no matter what life throws at you. So, you could think about therapy or medication or mindfulness, whatever you realistically believe will help. But you've got to do the work, and you've got to show your partner that you're doing it too.

I understand. But I don't know how that helps me or is in any way an answer to what I was asking.

Thank you @UnderPowered I am in therapy, maybe I need more.

Definitely talk about this with your therapist @wandared - hopefully you can get some insight into what happened, and some strategies to use to prevent it from happening again.

Good luck.

I punched the steering wheel once and utterly lost it. I was on the edge of a cliff emotionally. Put strategies in place that allow you to find an appropriate outlet so that it doesn't happen again.

How does someone punching an inanimate object make them an abuser (of a person)?
Her husband should leave the relationship over this?

Because it’s fucking scary when someone has lost it to the extent that they’re punching kicking or breaking things. It’s well known that this is a tactic abusers use to desensitise their victims to violence. It’s common assault when someone smashes things up around you as it implies violence to the person is not far behind.

OP sort yourself out, this isn’t ok behaviour.

@SteveHarringtonsChestHair that's interesting. I didn't realise that was the definition of common assault. I've just looked it up and you are correct.

You need to discuss strategies for coping with your therapist. Counting to ten, deep breaths, walking away, yelling into a pillow. Anything which stops you lashing out physically, damaging property and scaring people.

All HIS money

My ex was arrested after behaving this way in my home and that was what I was told by police at the time. He wasn't charge in the end, despite physical evidence and him admitting what he'd done by text This is why I have zero tolerance for aggression of any kind having been a victim of DV previously and seen it escalate from punching a door, to pushing, to him strangling me and biting my face.

OP I hope you are able to get some help to make sure you don't do this again. Its horrible to be around people who are out of control (or more accurately are able to control their anger in public but let it out behind closed doors).

Thank you. Sorry to derail, but it shook me when this was said - as I thought that maybe I was the abuser in my marriage. Ex would taunt, sneer, torment me, make me cry, until I was so angry and frustrated I'd hit or break something.
I've just look up the definition and it says:

"They do not have to be physically violent – for example, threatening words or a raised fist could lead the victim to believe they are going to be attacked – and that is enough for the crime to have been committed. Other acts like spitting at someone may also classed as common assault.

The offence covers both intentional and reckless acts.
For example, the offender may not have intended to cause the victim to think an attack was imminent but if they behaved in way that was likely to make the victim think they were about to be attacked, and they didn’t care what effect that behaviour would have, the offender is guilty of the offence."

There is no way my ex thought I would attack him, he would be laughing or confirming "see, you're unhinged". I did believe it was me, have spent years learning to understanding emotional abuse, but maybe it was me all along

No @TheOrigRights that wouldn't be my interpretation of what you have described. He knew what he was doing 

And thank you for sharing too @SteveHarringtonsChestHair