Dh has Anxiety depression - How can I help him?

[OLittleYurtofBethlehem]

My dh has been off work for two weeks now with Anxiety depression - caused by stress and pressure and bullying and lies and stealing and bitchyness of colleagues towards him at work. I foolishly thought that after two weeks off the ADs would start to kick in and that he would improve - Yesterday was the worst day yet.

Its particularly hard cos we live in a tiny flat with few opportunities for privicy - hence i am only able to write this now cos he is out (at the job centre) I was really upset yesterday, really wanted to cry and cry and cry for him and for me cos im finding his angst and my own difficult to deal with. I held it all back though cos i know if i burden him with my troubles he feels even worse. Its so hard watching someone you love suffer.

He doesnt like talking about things so its difficult to know what he is thinking and feeling - when he does tell me i often wish i hadnt asked cos his sadness is so BIG

So for those of you who have survived depression -What helped?
How did you help a Dh recover from depression?
What should i do?

For me, personally, the ad's took about a month to really kick in.

Hugs to you all

Feeling for you, you're right it is hard....my Mum has had the same recently (caused mainly by strees from work and illness)and I found the best thing to do is just be there for them, giving them something to focus on. Be a good and understanding listener. Try to be strong for him encourage him to go out because I found that if Mum stopped doing everyday routines then the problem got worse. Fortunately she has a very understanding GP. She is on medication (that she was very concerned about) and the first 2-3 weeks were bad, she was crying a lot and really sad and down about everything. Dad said that every morning she was crying and needed big cuddles. That really upset me...because I felt so helpless. Then all of a sudden she began to get a little brighter and happier. She is now back at work. the future is looking brighter for her now.
Is there anyone that you can talk to too? My Dad found it a great help sharing his thoughts with me. I think depression is an illness that many deal with, although not as acknowledged (sadley) and you are certainly not alone in your thoughts and feelings. Just try to remain positive....your DH will get better....it just take ssome people longer than others for the sadness to diminish. All the best.

small things can sometimes help get through that moment - going for a walk, hugs, having a nice bath, trying to take the best possible physical care of the person good diet vitamin pills and fish oils (not cod liver) can help some people there are studies to show alot of people who suffer from depression improve if they increase their epa's (fish oils), relaxation, time out, seeing friends and family even though typically depressed people do not want to doing so can help people to feel better, trying to solve problems - can he talk to someone at work to try and resolve the problem,
try to get dh to 'be kind to himself'
get support for you too it is hard to look after someone with depression take care

Just a quick thanks all while dh has popped out to the corner shop!

Its really hard to find opportunities to talk to people cos with dh off sick he is at home all the time - no real opportunity for private phone calls etc - plus though i know lots of people i havent got many close friends (MN is a life saver!)

DH is adament (sp?) that this problem cannot be resolved at work because his office is a complete culture of bullying and deceit. The line managers above are also not worth consulting cos they are just the same. its a really awful situation. It is a charity. they put alot of care into their clients but show no care or concern for their workers - They are i think one of the biggest employers in our city so potentially many many people are suffering as dh is. I know at least 6 people in DHs office of 15 are. Which makes his feelings of guilt worse cos they all turn to him for support cos the management is so terrible.

Thankyou for your suggestions - i suggested on Mon he do things that would inspire and relax him . Last night he spent all evening learning how to design Web pages and tonight i think he is planning on inputting his poetry on a potential web page - so am feeling really pleased.
He also found details of a reasonable job at the job centre today - though there is very little around cos of Christmas.

Thankyou thankyou for your support - dh is coming back BYEEEEEEEEEE

Does anyone know what a HAD test is? How many points = clinical depression
two weeks ago dh scored 16 for depression (out of 21) and 18 for anxiety (out of 21)
DH went to the docs again today - score 16 depression and 21 for anxiety - the bizzarre thing is he is proud cos he says he got full marks for anxiety and that proves he is good at something :o :(

been googling:

www.alanpriest.f2s.com/HAD.htm

hth

My DH suffered from anxiety depression about six years ago and benefitted greatly from cognitive therapy, along with ADs and then homeopathic treatment after a while when he was feeling stronger, although it was a good two/three years before he was back to his old self, or as close as could be expected. Other than that hugs to you all, I can't remember much about it to be able to offer much help/advice, DS1 was just newborn and I seem to have blanked it out of my mind.

Littleyurt - I am asking the same questions over on another thread! I'm afraid I don't have any answers. But CBT can be amazingly helpful. Just wanted to send you ((((()))) and say I know how incredibly hard it is to watch someone you love suffer this way.

hi little
had is hospital anxiety and depression scale it is a series of questions about emotions etc in past week.....it is an ok scale to use but it is just a scale and doesnt look at why probs r there or triggers it just determines whether there are some depressive symptoms but to be honest a lot of people could have a high score if you are having a bad day....

soryr meant to say
all you can do is be supportive for your dh and try to listen...maybe he needs to contact someone for some counselling to thrash out his feelings and thoughts.....

Ads take 4-6 weeks to kick into your system which i know doesnt help with the here and now
and they will only be a buffer they wont be an answer to the depression.,..i think a lot of people hope they will help but the prob needs ot be looked at aswell

it will be a tough ride but u will get there

As a psychologist, I just wanted to add a couple of things.

I would not expect to see reliable improvements from psychotropic medication until six weeks has passed, although people often report improvements in mood earlier than that.

Depression and anxiety can be treated very effectively by 'talking therapy' with a clinical psychologist, usually using a structured approach such as CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). The general idea is to identify and counter the negative beliefs and patterns of thinking and behaviour that both trigger and maintain the problem. Some work is done during the 1 hour sessions (usually weekly), and some is set as 'homework'. Treatment is available by referral from your GP and is free (on the NHS). However, the shortage of clinical psychologists means that there may be no local services or waiting times may be many weeks or even months. In this case, many clients find 'Mind Over Mood' very helpful in making a start themselves on dealing with their difficulties. It is based on the principles of cognitive therapy. Try www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0898621283/026-8005128-4919627

By the way, sorry if I am repeating anything written elsewhere. I didn't have a chance to read through properly as I am juggling my 3 month old son as I write!

Thankyou everyone for the messages of support - will read through them properly when dd isnt screaming in her cot - currently quite loudly!