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Mental health

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Original poster

I've lost the plot

16 replies

TeddyBared · 01/02/2008 17:29

I have finally cracked this evening. My three sons are driving me mad. They are 5,4 and 3. They fight all the time and wind each other up. I have one who talks back all the time, one who screams and whines and one who has tantrums and screams (5, 4, 3). Tonight I lost it and screamed at them, and screamed at them and screamed at them. They all ended up screaming more.

They don't listen to me. They ignore me. I have tried all forms of discipline for long periods of time. Some of it works, but I have lost interest now. I have read all the books and watched all the programmes. I am frazzled but I don't care any more. I am bright and am well educated but it all counts for nothing then I no longer have a clue what to do (with three small men) and have lost the plot. I drink at least a bottle of wine a night, starting from 6pm (they go to bed between 7 and 7:30)

I don't know how to start again and calm it all down. I don't think I can. I have tried ignoring it all but it's impossible. Deep breath. Help!

OP posts:

green · 01/02/2008 17:38

Not sure what to say, but wanted to say something. You've had a shit day so let it go and start again tomorrow. Try not to be too hard on yourself. I also have 3 boys (7,4 and 18 months) and most days its pandemonium from the word go. Blinking hell, yours are close together too. I think its phenomenal you're still up and standing frankly.

MommaFeelgood · 01/02/2008 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

TeddyBared · 01/02/2008 17:43

Thanks green. You know what it can be like. I think the age gaps are crazy and contribute entirely to the private hell I find myself in. It doesn't get any worse than this. It can only get better. Thanks for the post.

OP posts:

Original poster

TeddyBared · 01/02/2008 17:43

... thanks mommafeelgood x

OP posts:

Flibbertyjibbet · 01/02/2008 17:48

I have 2 sons 3 and 1.
I sometimes look at them and me and think that we have turned into a 'before' family from Supernanny.

Oh how I watched those programmes so smugly superior before my boys were mobile or able to talk.

I bought all their xmas presents off ebay 2nd hand so that I could get two of everything, thats how sick we are of the fighting and squabbling.

I also did the wild screaming back at them the other week and frightened them so much I ended up apologising to them in tears.

So obviously I have no advice or I would not get in that state myself.

All I can suggest is that you take some more deep breaths... sorry! Or do what I did that day I screamed, I made a tent with the kitchen table and some sheets, sat under it reading till they decided it looked like an interesting thing to do, and we ended up all laughing together. They are currently charging round demolishing my bedroom and here i am on mumsnet trying to ignore all the din.

green · 01/02/2008 17:49

Well I say make it a public hell and try and get as much help as humanly possible! I have no shame in commandeering as much paid or unpaid help as family/finances will allow.

Original poster

TeddyBared · 01/02/2008 17:52

thanks flibberygibbet. I often think that it is only me, but of course it's not.

OP posts:

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 01/02/2008 17:53

snap. it so is not just you. mine are 6, boy 4,girl and 2, boy and I have had many a post on her about not coping with my kids. I am in a foul mood so tonight will be even worse but I am about to bath them so that should help as I don't want to bring on an asthma attack.

Original poster

TeddyBared · 01/02/2008 17:53

.... difficult as we moved abroad 2 years ago leaving all family and friends at home (obviously!) I get no help at all ..... ever. Husband works long hours. Deep breath.

OP posts:

Original poster

TeddyBared · 01/02/2008 17:58

NAB......I end up with my head pounding and my heart racing at the height of all this madness. I walk away and leave them to it. Where did the level-headed, respected, organised person who had a 'proper' job go. She has been replaced with a heavy drinking, screaming, tetchy, miserable old cow. Poor kids.

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FillyjonkisCALM · 01/02/2008 18:00

oh yes I too was a perfect parent before my kids learnt to talk. Oh and when I just had a pfb. God for an only child aged about 14 months, some days...

It is probably a bit that I don't find what you say happened tonight really very shocking.

I think all you can do is pick yourself up and start again tommorrow.

The ONLY thing, and I am not really up on these things, but isn't that quite a lot of wine? I might be very wrong, as I don't drink wine, but it seems like a lot. If so-could it be making stuff worse at all-am thinking parenting with a hangover, say, is unfun.

OTOH I can pack away a shocking amount of chocolate (my sedative of choice atm-pg) - and like I say, I don't drink wine at all- so please don't think I am criticising you.

FillyjonkisCALM · 01/02/2008 18:01

oh god yes and dp works long bloody hours and we have no family close by

it is shite, basically

do what you need to do to get through it. Can you stick the tv on quite a lot and go and eat biscuits?

FillyjonkisCALM · 01/02/2008 18:02

(oh and I don't drink wine because it doesn't agree with me.

When not pg am capable of drinking a fair bit of beer though.)

Original poster

TeddyBared · 01/02/2008 18:07

I know I drink too much. It has crept up as the days got tougher. 3 years ago I drank nothing and had not done so for a few years of pregnancy and breastfeeding. Then it was a glass of two with dinner with my husband. now it is 3, 4 or 5 glasses most nights. I really find it helps me deal with the screaming and fighting and closes my day with the kids. I drink a lot less at the weekend when my husband is around to help!

OP posts:

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 01/02/2008 18:50

I need a drink tonight but I am not meant to drink on my meds. Didn't know before and had been and have since tbh but not much.

lucyellensmum · 01/02/2008 19:27

Teddy, well done for writing this post. Its a big step to admit you need help. I was where you are about 6 months ago, only i only have one small child (and one unruly teenager, now left home ) Please consider going to the doctors and asking for help. I would drink like you, but to be honest, it made me worse, you just spend the next day even more tired and irritable and it becomes a vivious circle. I am now on citalopram, it has made such a difference to my life. It is not a magic wand, i still have problems (huge monsters in my head ) but i can get through the day, and sometimes, just sometimes i can smile. I am the same, highly educated, but lost all my confidence and dont even feel confident enough to take on a cleaning job. I am JUST coming out of that. You aren't supposed to drink on citalopram, and i was so scared of feeling bad again that i didnt touch a drop for ages. Now i have the occasional pint, it goes to my head far to quickly so i dont tend to bother - cheap date though

Don't let this carry on, you need to get the old you back, you have made the first step, second step doctors. There is no shame in asking for help either. Why suffer in silence when you don;t have to. You owe it to your kids to sort this.

I hope you can start to feel better soon

xxx

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