Being a mum and having bad depression

[Jessicw23]

Hi I just wanted to post on here because I'm sure there's so many of you on here that feel like me and I just want someone who feels like me to talk too I'm a first time mum to a baby boy who is 6 months old he's such an amazing little boy and motherhood is nothing what I expected but not because of anything to do with my baby it's all me I thought I would be the most amazing mum but I truly couldn't feel further from that don't get me wrong he is very well looked after little boy he gets everything he needs and he has an amazing dad but I constantly have this feeling as in I'm not doing enough his life feels like a complete blur and like I have been in a complete dissociation and it breaks my heart that I feel like I wasn't completely there in his life because we will never ever get that back I always feel he will be better off with out me I'm suffering with depression and I'm doing everything to try and make myself feel better but I can't budge the feeling of feeling so bad my baby has a depressed mum he wasn't planned but he's my biggest blessing when I go to bed I cry and think of all the things I could have done better today with him and then I beat myself up about it, sorry I feel like this is very jumbled and I'm struggling to put how I feel down.

I am sorry you are going through this, I am not an expert but I didnt want to read your post without comenting.

Being a new mum is hard, I remember it well feeling isolated and lonely and not really having the first idea what I was doing. But I am sure you are doing fine, and no one can be a perfect parent.

Its a shame but babies don't come with an instruction manual, and it can be very difficult at first.

If your baby is happy, smiley eating and sleeping as he should be, and is growing, I think that that counts as a sucess.

I think you should also consider seeing your GP about your depression, its an illness like any other, and it sounds like to you need the support. Have you got a Health visitor you can contact if you are worried?

Popping along to a mother and baby group if there is one in your area might be good for you and your baby. Its a hard job on your own, and maybe some other mums could be supportive to you.