Should I quit this therapy?

[Quitornot]

I'm sorry this is long but I want some objective opinions from either professionals or other patients if that's ok. I've had to name change as I can't have this linked to other posts my family might recognise.

I want to ditch the therapy I'm having but I guess I want to make sure I'm doing it for the right reasons. I don't want to waste an opportunity but I'm pissed off with it.

I've been waiting a year for treatment after referral.

It's NHS telephone based CBT, max 10 sessions.

I have C-PTSD, ADHD and there's a lot going on currently.

I'm in my late 30s and have had lots of therapy before including counselling, CBT and trauma treatments.

My reasons are:

CBT alone is not going to resolve this. I have been told what I need and been referred for long term psychoanalytical type work. I have chosen a therapist but I can't pay for it at the moment.

I don't doubt that CBT can be helpful and it has been but what we're doing is incredibly superficial and nothing I can't do in my own time watching YouTube or revisiting previous materials from sessions.

The therapist is really irritating me.
2 out of 3 sessions she's been 10/15 minutes late to call.
The first session she told me off for not completing a form I had not received and didn't seem to believe me when I said this.

She then told me off for using my laptop during the session when I'd turned it on at the end to look at my calendar when we were booking the next appointment.

Yesterday, I made a comment that I don't think I will ever be totally comfortable with a particular thing I have a phobia of (fairly minor but long standing).
This was taken as me being negative about treatment. I wasn't and I do truly believe most phobias can be treated effectively and fairly simply.

We're supposed to have an hour, the most I've had is 40 minutes as they like to write up during that hour too. The shortest was about 25 minutes.

The sessions are basically how was your week, did you do your homework, here's your next homework.

They don't remember anything about me which is irritating. They started explaining a treatment yesterday that I'd told them I've already had.

They also forgot what I do for a living which is extremely relevant to the current issues.

I don't expect them to remember every little thing I've told them but I would like them to know the fundamentals. It feels like I'm re-explaining stuff each time.

I can hear background noise all the time, last week and this, kids which I assume are hers. It's loud enough that our sessions don't feel private.

My doubts are that if I tell the therapist this, they will see it as me either being negative and not believing I can get better.

That I'm dissing CBT and that maybe I'm arrogant in feeling I know better than them.

Neither of those things are true.
I do want to get better but I'm realistic. You are not going to resolve 30 years of trauma in 8 phone sessions.

I know myself, well. This is one of the benefits of years of treatment. So I don't think it's arrogant to express I don't think this is working for me but I worry that I'll be labelled as difficult or resistant.

Thank you if you reached the end of this stream of consciousness.

Any thoughts?

TLDR: Am I The Arsehole? 😄

I understand the limitations of CBT. I've done it many times but it's having a finite effect.

I know this and so does she but she won't say that and be realistic with me.
I'm not swallowing that some homework about changing my thoughts and behaviours is going to magically change my life. It's bullshit and actually insulting that the only way I can engage is by accepting this is true.

I screwed up the formatting at the end there, sorry.

I think I would ditch it. I'm not often in favour of complaining, but the therapist presumably treats everyone like this, so I would write in to a manager to explain your reasons. You don't need to make it a formal complaint.

YANBU. I have not found telephone CBT via the NHS in any way useful. Like you said, it's very superficial, and I always felt like it was absolutely following a specific script with no room to be flexible for individual circumstances.

I've had a lot of therapy too. None of what you've described is ok. She especially shouldn't be "telling you off" about anything. She should be working with you and gaining your trust. The not giving you the full session time and bowling up really late every single time is also not appropriate and indicates a lack of respect for you. Sounds to me as if you don't get the full time because she's running late?

But regardless you aren't jelling with her. That's reason to end therapy in itself. If this is NHS I'd contact them and explain what you've outlined here and ask for a different therapist. If CBT isn't going to be helpful request a reassessment and ask for the type of therapy you think you need. They may have the refer you to a different service.

Absolutely YANBU.

I've been there in the exact same situation, the same therapy, the same scenarios. Its utterly crap...

I found speaking to a psychologist much more beneficial than whatever the generic impersonal thing the NHS offers. My work offers this via occupational health/a charity we work with and I've got 15 sessions for free. Is this something your workplace offer?

That's everyone, this is helpful.
God, you question every thought and feeling don't you and I actually think CBT feeds that. I don't really trust myself anymore!

I guess what I think she might say is that she wasn't telling me off and that was my perception because of my negative thought processes and maybe she's right but either way, I was annoyed and yes I'm not feeling that we're building trust.

I feel like if I carry on it will be because I don't want to seem difficult or resistant which isn't a good reason.

I googled the therapist and it's someone with a private practice hundreds of miles away who I assume has been brought in to manage the backlog. That's fine but I'm not getting what I need from them.

I think I'll call and have a chat with someone tomorrow. Asking for a reassessment is a good idea.

I think we can have 6 sessions of counselling.

I'm going to look at my money in the new year and see if I can commit to paying for therapy. I need to know I can do it long term as it would be harmful to start intense work and then have to stop.

It's a big outlay each month.

Any phone/screen contact is worthless
part opf therapy is building a relationship which is done by communication
As a huge part of communication is via body language this so called therapist will never be able to build rapport with you
They can have an easy life sitting at home on a screen without making any real effort which is what this fool is doing
Complain and get someone you can MEET in real life
If you do not do that you are wasting you time

I've been through a similar experience

They called me the wrong name 3 times

Called me on the wrong day , then sent a snotty letter saying if I don't cancel within a good time frame they could cancel me - no apology when I pointed out my appt was not on that day

I told her it wasn't beneficial to me and will just continue managing by myself

I can't afford private therapy

I would definitely put in a complaint.

I would be wary of stopping the therapy if it is on the NHS in case they label you as non compliant since they make you jump through hoops to get further treatment.

I would have thought that for PTSD EMDR would be much better therapy.

I’ve had years of psychotherapy for trauma (CPTSD, PTSD) and I agree this CBT sounds awful and will set you back. You’re better stopping it.

Thankfully you’ve done enough work and have enough self awareness to recognise that - I’m sure many people going through CBT with the NHS don’t and struggle through it and wonder why they still feel shit afterwards.

Absolutely trust your feelings - you’re spot on about what you need.

Having experienced psychotherapy I would say as soon as you have enough money to commit to psychoanalysis/psychotherapy for 4 months, do it. That’s enough time to build up a good working relationship with a competent trauma-informed therapist and work through a layer of trauma, enough to give you some tangible relief. Even if it’s not as much/deep as you would ideally do. You can always go back for more later! You can tell if they’re emotionally aware and attentive enough through the process of contacting them - if they reply to you in an attentive and timely way, if they turn up on time and give you the full allotted time etc - all those tiny things matter and build up your picture of who’s trustworthy. You have that instinct to find someone good.

Not necessarily for CPTSD - CPTSD is relational trauma, so building a good corrective relationship with a therapist is a good way to heal.

I had similar experiences when having NHS physiotherapy. Not remotely like the therapy you're having, but the same sort of attitude and treatment. Offhand, frequently late without apology, once told me off for being late when actually I was early (even when I showed my appointment card on which she had written the (incorrect) time, she didn't apologise. Also quite useless in the actual treatment she gave, as I discovered when I was finally referred to a specialist NHS clinic who were aghast at what had been done.
All of this would have been so much more damaging if I'd been receiving therapy for the reasons you mention, so I feel for you. It must feel a bit as if someone's playing mind games with you. Not good at all.
Good luck for when you call them tomorrow.

Thank you. 😊

I do agree that it's helped to know what this should be like so I know it's not me.

I don't think there'll be anything else offered from the IAPT service and I'm nowhere near the threshold for CMHT so private it is.

I will seek out some charitable rates, there may be something I can find within my profession.

I actually wouldn't mind zoom sessions if that gives me more options. It would certainly help me be more flexible and have a wider choice.

Thank you so much everyone.

I was feeling such a failure earlier but I feel reassured my feelings are valid and if it's not right for me, I need to say so.

I am a therapist and that's awful. No time boundaries, not listening and not creating a safe space. All basic counselling 101.

Sounds like my daughter's IAPT experience.

YADNBU. It’s not remotely suitable for CPTSD and ADHD alone let alone both together (I have both too!)

Cbt is like gaslighting for someone with complex ptsd

stop

and please do send in a complaint about the time, background noise etc. she’s not doing the job she’s being paid for.

I think you'd be doing yourself a disservice to continue. It's clearly only making you feel uncomfortable.

In regards to finding something more suitable, if there's anywhere near you that trains psychotherapists, they often have a low fee clinic attached to them where you can see someone long term. The trainees on psychoanalytic and psychodynamic courses are often already experienced therapists doing further training and in any case closely supervised by senior clinicians so it can be an excellent way to access the type of therapy you need. There are of course lots in London but also Leeds, Newcastle and other areas too.

I have looked at a discounted rate for training but I'm not near any big training centres. I think this is only likely if they will do zoom which I know might be tricky with observation/supervision for the therapist.

So I called today, explained everything.
Initially I just said I didn't feel it was right for me and I was offered an ending call with the therapist but I explained I didn't want this and then explained why. The person I spoke with told me straight away me not getting my full hour etc wasn't ok.

She'll pass my comments on to the manager who will likely call me. I also explained what had changed since I was assessed and why I felt the treatment was not what I needed at this time and why.

I emphasized that I'm very keen to engage in therapy but I felt this was not appropriate for me and that it felt very superficial.

She was very kind and understanding and would pass all this on to the manager.

I suspect the manager might be someone I have seen before and who knows me well which would be helpful in assessing my needs. Of course, they might have moved on and it could be someone else now.

I think I explained myself well and hope this won't be a mark against me.

Thanks so much everyone, it really helped to read your contributions and I'm so pleased I started the thread. 😊

Gosh, it really felt like this and I thought maybe I was being dramatic.
It felt like it was all on me if this didn't work.
Terrible.

I found NHS CBT quite box-ticky to be honest, even when they allocated me a 1:1 therapist to go through it rather than self-led learning.

The therapist I had was actually a bit self-involved and kept talking about himself - he thought he had all the answers and was not a good listener.

I think maybe the NHS struggle with recruitment to these posts or have lower professional standards for CBT.

If you have done CBT before and know that you now need psychoanalytical/ more in depth therapy then ditch it. Sometimes it can be more harmful/ stressful than helpful in my experience.