feeling very stuck.....

[miku]

dear mumsnetters,I am really needing some help from other mums.....i feel very isolated, have always felt like an outsider since really young, and now i have a 4yr old girl and it feels like my life is playing out again for her.She is a 'half/half' child,i.e half british and from another really different culture, being brought up in England, but going to her language school(private). I have split up from her Dad, but he sees her occasionally during the week, and at w/e.
But London is new to me(Ive been here 3 years) and still feel very isolated.I know I am very depressed, and do have have people I regularly see, and they are friends, but noone my age,with children,and with similar experiences!....it feels really painful to admit all this, cos im friendly to people but im so lonely!!!!Im frightened to invite people to my flat cos its so full of junk...im kinda arty, and seem to have an inability to throw stuff away.
AHHH what a rant!!! thankyou for listening

cheer uo mika find local groups in your area,and anything you have not touched in 3 months chuck it i always used to stand on my own in the playground at first but i took the plunge and started to talk to other mums we all regulally meet up for coffee .have you thought of trying something new to meet new people?

You sound great to me

It occurred to me, reading your post, that the key lies in the clutter. Your inability to throw things away might be symptomatic of your difficulties with moving forward in life.

Now, spring is just around the corner. Would it be possible for you to brace yourself for a spring clean? I think you'll find it cathartic. Get the place clean and shiny, and start inviting some of your friends round.

Order in the home could be the first step for you. Any how, as I say ... you sound like a lovely person, and I hope you find the courage you need to turn your life around.

i am usually cheerful...!but struggle with my stuff ispose....I do talk to the other mums, but im the only white mum, and its a different language.I try really hard, and so do they, dont get me wrong they are lovely, and we have been invited to their homes and we go, BUT this is where i am stuck....we are so different , I even feel that for other people, like my house is unclean, but its not its just i dont make dusting my priority!!haha!,but seriously, im terrified of being judged......hohum.
thanks!!

Ah, now that's why I don't have much clutter. The damned stuff needs dusting

I'm sure you'll be fine, you know. But seriously think about the spring clean. It's obviously bothering you or you wouldn't mention it here.

Just start with a square foot and take it from there!

well this is the key chuck it all away start again and you wont have to worry about it you will meet people that you have things in common with its only a matter of time and your confidence

Wow! thankyou...I feel better already D, and theB.
ive got 200 books that i havent read in over 5 yrs....but throw them out?phew thatll be a wrench, but i do need the space!
actually, to start off with, its a beautiful sunny day and ill go and reduce that ivy that is blocking the sun in the garden.....thanks again!

That's my girl

good for you,sell them on ebay and spend the money on youill be looking out for you on mn to see how your doing good luck miku

Hey, as long as the washing up is done so they can get a clean cup of tea, bollox to the rest. I am the same, Miku, and people who don't want to visit me cos they don't like the mess, well they aren't worth their weight in dust, I reckon. Your priorities are your happiness and your dc's happiness. Anything else is small stuff

unless it gets you down of course - if my house was just messy it wouldn't be so bad but it's not exactly clean either, despite some help, and I feel so much better on those rare days when it is tidy(ish)

do you feel better with or without the mess? if a bit of rearrangement or thinning out of possessions makes you feel happier about making new friends then it's worth doing

totally agree with desiderata that you sound like a very interesting person, the kind of person I'd love to be friends with - even if just because I don't know any other messy people

The kitchen units are clean so I can make dinner, and that's about it lol. I tend to live inside my head, and to be honest I don't take much notice of my environment. That doesn't mean I don't see it, I just don't care very much. I don't care what things look like at all, really, not even my dp's lol. That doesn't mean I don't try to keep up, but with 6 kids it can't be done, so I'm not going to kill myself over it.
It is not innate in woman to be dusters and vacuumers, and there is no shame in not finding it fascinating employment

flipping heck,6 kids earns you the right to just make food and loud music!! i was eldest of 6 kids, and was "in charge" of keeping the place clean....maybe thats why im so neurotic, but dont do it now-OTT cleaning that is!lol but yeh, an empty space would ease my mind a little, and actually its the bags of recycling that im saving to give to my friends baby, or stuff for the charity shop, or JUST PLASTIC bags that do my head in, and i dont seem to get round to sorting it out, like the shopping list has finally overloaded!