Feel like I may never be happy again

[Alysskea]

I recently had IUI to try and conceive and I found out it failed on Saturday, though I knew before then.

Ever since I had it confirmed I have felt so down. I’ve not been able to go into work or really do anything at all. I don’t have much memory of the past couple of days at all to be honest.

I’ve booked another cycle but I’ve got this deep down sense of dread and I can’t find any sense of hope at all. I know that I will not be able to be happy until these treatments work, and if they don’t work I honestly don’t know how I will go on. For me personally I don’t think there’s a point in living without children.

I can’t even believe that only a few days ago I used to be able to laugh and exercise and work and stuff. I feel like a completely different person.

I know I should talk to someone but I don’t know how to communicate all this, especially because like DP they will tell me to be hopeful for the next cycle and that’s so hard to do.

That must be incredibly hard for you, I can imagine how it is all consuming. Are you able to access any counselling via the IUI provider. Are there any support groups you might be able to access?

I would imagine you need experience of fertility issues to understand how hard this must be. I have had a miscarriage and know how alone I felt, no body really spoke about it so I had to deal with it. I reached out to online forums and support groups and found talking to similar people really helped.

Sending solidarity. Not made it to IUI IVF yet, but two years in and aged 38 I am also feeling very hopeless. I’ve had the same thoughts about life, does it even matter without a family? (For me, to be clear I know others are very happy this way)

Its very hard. I am trying to accept it.