Feeling so lost and scared

[bubnoom]

Hi all. I’ve been in the depths of crippling anxiety for about six months and am now feeling so low and scared that I’m stuck forever in this state. I don’t know how to carry on. I wake up in terror and spend my day either trying to push through to parent my 3 children or breaking down and crying the whole time. I reach end of my tether point and feel that I can’t do it anymore. Im not actively suicidal but I do feel total gut wrenching despair that my life is over. My life was perfect I had some stressors back then that I think tipped me over into this state. My body has stayed stuck in fight or flight. I’ve tried a few medications but havent been able to stick them out long enough. Have a new one to try will start today. Been seen by loads of doctors etc. I just keep feeling that I’m unfixable and the fear that the thought I’m stuck like this I can’t even describe it. My husband is struggling with it all my whole family are. Im normally such a happy outgoing person. My life has shrivelled to me surviving each day in a mix of crying and pushing over feeling so awful. I don’t really know what I’m asking for just hope maybe that someone else has felt the same and got better 😢

Really sorry to hear you're struggling. You say you've tried a few medications but haven't been able to stick to them - why is that?

I tried citalopram for 7 wks and felt just as awful then a pathetic attempt at others : sertraline 3 and a half wks, venlafaxine for one day and mirtazapine for 9 days. Each time I’ve stopped as I couldn’t handle how they made me feel. Yet here I am I medicated wondering how I can continue living like this. About to drive myself to hospital knowing there’s nothing they can do as I don’t want to burden my family any more 😢

*meant here I am unmedicated

Hi, sorry to hear you're feeling so bad.
Has your anxiety been triggered by something specific?
Has your doctor suggested anything like a short course of diazepam/lorazepam to calm your anxiety? I was where you are about 12 years ago, it honestly felt like the end of the world.
Lorazepam worked wonders for me, alongside sertraline.
It won't feel like it but with the right medication you will get better.
Hope things improve for you very soon.

Thank you so much for your reply, so kind. Sorry to read you were where I am now, it sounds like you feel better? Yes I’ve been given lorezapam and diazepam for extreme times but I do feel scared to take them regularly. I don’t want to become dependent. I have been given escitalopram to try now which I will. It was triggered 6 months ago by too many stressful events at once combined with me running on adrenaline for a long time before that - thinking I’m superwoman with 3 kids etc. It’s happened me before but not to this extent. I feel so low low with the longevity of it and wondering if it’s possible to actually be stuck like this forever 🥲 I miss being myself with my beautiful children and family

I could have written your posts bubnoom, you absolutely will get better. I've been well for at least 12 years, going through a rough patch at the moment due to a very stressful year and a house move, but I have some coping strategies now.
I also felt like a different person at the time, totally lost and scared, could see no way out. But lo and behold here I am 12 years later.
Be guided by your doctor and take the lorazepam/diazepam if it helps. They won't allow you to become dependent, they reduce the dosage very gradually once you can cope.
Please feel free to pm me if it helps. Hoping you have a slightly better day