I know that this sounds strange but I was wondering if anyone else has this feeling. I feel deep down that there is something evil in me, that brings bad luck to people I care about. Anyone I get close to or care about seems to have something awful happen in their life. It’s more than a coincidence.
This causes me to suffer from depression, I am also diagnosed with PTSD and pure O. I take medication that slightly numbs me from these thoughts but deep down I know something more spiritual needs to change. I have isolated myself from everyone to keep them safe. I barely leave my house and I’m too anxious to drive anywhere in case I crash into someone. Although I’m not religious I’ve even asked a vicar to help me get rid of this evilness but she refused.
I don’t know how to fix this. The obvious way would be suicide but I try to live for my children.
I don’t feel I can discuss this in real life, I am totally alone with this. I discussed it with my mental health team and ended up admitted to hospital so I’m afraid to talk about it anymore. I’ve spoken to the Samaritans but they seemed concerned that my children need more support and wanted their details. Please tell me someone else has experienced this and I’m not an evil freak.